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Kerry Part 4, The End
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Kerry Part 4, The End This post is only viewable by FriendFinder-x members. Join FriendFinder-x now! |
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LOL, it doesn't sound like the two of you are capable of that kind of relationship! Still, I hear about these folks that insist on being married but living separately and even raising children like that...who knows? You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman ! Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping! And a MUST READ: [post 2294897] Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog! {=}
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LOL, it doesn't sound like the two of you are capable of that kind of relationship! Still, I hear about these folks that insist on being married but living separately and even raising children like that...who knows? It's funny you should mention this because over Thanksgiving Kerry asked me if I was interested in fathering her child(ren). She knows of course that I want to be a father very much. So initially she offered that I wouldn't have to be involved at all, not financially or emotionally. I told her no, that I thought it was irresponsible to bring them into the world without two loving parents and besides, I would be disowned by my tribe for fathering children and not raising them in the traditions of our nations. So then she started taking the position that I should move to Pittsburgh and have children with her. She makes it sound attractive, like we could pretend we were already married and divorced, without the living together or hateful animosity. Then the kids wouldn't be raised by a single mother, they would have a father in the picture with half custody. And we would be having sex and being friends, just not together, so it would be like loving parents. I keep saying no, but in all truth, biologically I would love to have Kerry's children, and she knows it. I'm just gun-shy about having Kerry in that picture. After dating her and living with her, and seeing the ways she has to control all aspects of her subjects' lives, as the other parent I would be manipulated into doing whatever she wanted. Can you imagine following whatever nutritional constraints, constraints on entertainment, education, behavior, and the like that Kerry gets to make up? And when I think about it even longer (even though I know and love her dearly as a friend), I am frightened to think of the Mommy Dearest situation she would inflict on her kids, especially if she is the only parent. Part of me is also scared that she might be trying to get pregnant just so that her husband might think the baby is his, because she isn't hearing to my advice to wait until the divorce is final. It scares me that she is lonely, that she is desperate, and that she is fixating only on her need to have children soon. She's never going to find a man this way. Apparently, according to her there aren't any available young men in Pittsburgh. I don't want to tell her the obvious solution, which is to pick up a hot guy of any age or marital status and do him without a condom until she conceives, because I personally think it would be wrong to do that. I'd rather be the donor in that situation. So it's back to the question, do I give her what she wants, completely hands-off, or even as a couple-times-a-year father? The legal and emotional implications of that are terrifying, so I think definitely no. I think that if my girlfriend, the other girl Katie, decides to pick me over Antoine and we date and get married one day, then I'm lucky and we will have plenty of time for children because she's still very young. On the other hand, I somehow feel obligated as a friend to help Kerry get what she wants. So in the end, yet again, everything having to do with Kerry apart from talking to her on the phone a couple of times a week, is always too emotionally taxing.
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Wow--yeah, if you think she is controlling now, just wait till she has a kid or two!  We women can be quite consumed about every little detail having to do with our bundles of joy.You might want to know who to watch out for around here: Are YOU a Dirty Bad Man or Woman ! Please tell me the secrets of your sex appeal Primping! And a MUST READ: [post 2294897] Just shamelessly pimping my own damned blog! {=}
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Wow--yeah, if you think she is controlling now, just wait till she has a kid or two! We women can be quite consumed about every little detail having to do with our bundles of joy.
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Some lucky psychologist could set himself up for life trying to fix her issues. I have a rule about dating that started with Kerry: MEET THE PARENTS. If they are fucked up, just stop dating the girl. No hard feelings. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble after only a couple of months with that rule. You have some really wise advice there, because Kerry is pretty unhappy in general whereas I am very happy in general, and I get troubled when I'm around people who are not happy. I'm not sure what the last line of your response means. I hope it doesn't mean that *I* am not capable of sharing my happiness. I'm sure you meant something like I shouldn't rely on other people in order to find my own happiness.
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Hey g-man, I finally finished reading the "saga", and have to complement you on your ability to write a compelling and thoughtful story of your lives together. I felt at times I was reading the story of my marriage. When she was controlling, and you just went along to get along, and the way you did the cleaning to make up for not paying rent on her apartment. I too did these things. Not out of shame, but out of fairness and love. You deserve credit for coming to your senses at one point and trying to end your relationship up until you read her letter, and basically let her back into you life. I'm not saying it was a bad mistake, and actually feel I would've done the same thing. Love is a confusing thing, and the desire to please someone is a hard thing to throttle. I mean if two people are in love, it's what you should do, without any hesitation. Right? But it has to be a two way street. I think my wife is a sad or un happy person. I'm not a judge of who should and who shouldn't seek therapy, but I think my wife (and maybe Kerry) needs to get some. Hell, I think I need to get some! The more I tried to do and make her happy, the more unhappy she became, and just pushed me away harder. When I did voice my opinion about something, she had already made up her mind, and it was pointless to argue. I already said how I would avoid arguments. I think we are hopeless and destined to divorce. I don't have a problem with you still seeing, and doing trips together. Like I have a say in the situation... Anyway, I would suggest you think a little longer and a lot harder before introducing children in your relationship. You brought up how your family would react badly, and I would guess that you could be right about the whole mommy dearest thing. When you have children, you will become protective too. They are people you will die for. It's freaky how important they become. You had a good idea about Katie, and if she left Frenchie. She is younger I gather, and the children thing could be a better situation with a younger person. Maybe? I can't remember how you came to be involved with Katie. Maybe we will get a new back story with or about her? Anyway, I know you have a different attitude about love sex and pleasure sex. It would concern ME if I were to establish a "love" relationship with a person who has a history of not being honest with the type of thing between you Katie and Frenchie. Maybe Frenchie knows, maybe he doesn't. Who is to say that you would not become the new Frenchie in the future, with unknown to you, Katie having a pleasure lover on the side? I think you have to ask if you want to have children in that situation. How would you family feel if they found out that you and Katie are married with children, and she has a lover on the side? I don't know your culture. I barely know you. These are just my thoughts. It saddens me deeply that my wife and I have children and are going through a separation/divorce. Before we had children, I asked myself, and thought and wondered if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We didn't even have any problems that I was aware of. I just didn't want to bring children into the world, only to wind up getting a divorce, and playing the move the children back and forth game. And here we are doing it. It saddens me beyond belief that the very thing I didn't want, is what I have. It sucks. Try to use your head, and make wise choices. Good luck!
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Thanks for saying such nice things about the story, I wrote it for you since you were curious. It's always good to have the back story. I felt at times I was reading the story of my marriage. When she was controlling, and you just went along to get along, and the way you did the cleaning to make up for not paying rent on her apartment. I too did these things. Not out of shame, but out of fairness and love. You are obviously a wonderful man, and I used to think that love would conquer all, but I'm a bit more cynical now that I can see it won't. I poured myself out in sacrifice for her and got nothing but criticism in return. It took me some time to see that wasn't love, or at least, what I thought love should be. Your marriage sounds like what I might have had, if Kerry and I had stayed together and married. One day I think she would have just gotten fed up with me and bolted. You deserve credit for coming to your senses at one point and trying to end your relationship up until you read her letter, and basically let her back into you life. I'm not saying it was a bad mistake, and actually feel I would've done the same thing. Love is a confusing thing, and the desire to please someone is a hard thing to throttle. I mean if two people are in love, it's what you should do, without any hesitation. Right? But it has to be a two way street. If I could go back in time and warn myself about the future, I still would have gone back to her, at least for the sex, but I would have had the courage to dump her before making her really angry, and losing her trust and her heart. In my life a lot of bad things have happened because I or someone else didn't act and break things off when they should have. Case in point, Katie, who should have broken up with Antoine long ago, or should have just kicked me to the curb. I think my wife is a sad or un happy person. I'm not a judge of who should and who shouldn't seek therapy, but I think my wife (and maybe Kerry) needs to get some. Hell, I think I need to get some! I think it's worth the money, not because I believe broken people can be fixed, but because they can teach you to know your faults and how to give people what they need. For example, it wouldn't kill Kerry to compliment someone every once in a while. There's got to be a boot camp for that sort of thing. The more I tried to do and make her happy, the more unhappy she became, and just pushed me away harder. When I did voice my opinion about something, she had already made up her mind, and it was pointless to argue. I already said how I would avoid arguments. I think we are hopeless and destined to divorce. That just completely sucks. And it erodes your own self-image, to have someone who carries on the marriage without you. I think it's good you're out on your own. I don't have a problem with you still seeing Kerry, and doing trips together. Like I have a say in the situation... Anyway, I would suggest you think a little longer and a lot harder before introducing children in your relationship. You brought up how your family would react badly, and I would guess that you could be right about the whole mommy dearest thing. When you have children, you will become protective too. They are people you will die for. It's freaky how important they become. Wow, I didn't even think until you mentioned it about how I would be different with children. I guess I would go a little bit psycho too. Scary. That really helps me clinch the decision. Not only would me and Kerry go to war over the children, I would be more assertive, which she reacts badly to. I can't imagine the therapy bills those kids would need to survive our fighting. Bad idea I think. I sure don't want to lose her as a friend and occasional possible fuck buddy. It would change all of that. You had a good idea about Katie, and if she left Frenchie. She is younger I gather, and the children thing could be a better situation with a younger person. Maybe? Yes! Katie is 29, and has plenty of time that we could date, be engaged, married, and have children before her clock went off. And she's an incredible match for me. We're both very positive and cheerful about life. Every day with her is something new and exciting, and I get sick of the same thing. I can't remember how you came to be involved with Katie. Maybe we will get a new back story with or about her? I actually talked about Katie as my first ever blog post. I was so excited I just had to write about it, and my own notebook paper never answers me. Katie Wow Anyway, I know you have a different attitude about love sex and pleasure sex. It would concern ME if I were to establish a "love" relationship with a person who has a history of not being honest with the type of thing between you Katie and Frenchie. Maybe Frenchie knows, maybe he doesn't. Who is to say that you would not become the new Frenchie in the future, with unknown to you, Katie having a pleasure lover on the side? I think you have to ask if you want to have children in that situation. How would you family feel if they found out that you and Katie are married with children, and she has a lover on the side? The history doesn't bother me at all. I've gone off and had sex on the side during my relationships and marriage, and I don't judge myself very harshly about it. I went and got what I needed in order to have the strength and motivation to be a good husband in all the other ways. I have to draw the line at raising another guy's kids, unless I am not able to have my own. So if she has meaningless sex on the side, I'm not opposed to it, and would like to have that freedom myself. But the point of marriage would be, there is one all-important family and harmony between us. We would have to be extra positive that we were getting married with no reservations or doubts whatsoever. It saddens me deeply that my wife and I have children and are going through a separation/divorce. Before we had children, I asked myself, and thought and wondered if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We didn't even have any problems that I was aware of. I just didn't want to bring children into the world, only to wind up getting a divorce, and playing the move the children back and forth game. And here we are doing it. It saddens me beyond belief that the very thing I didn't want, is what I have. It sucks. It's really my worst fear, I feel awful that you have to live it. That's most of the reason why I divorced my wife. We didn't have the same goals and ideals about children, and even if she relented and produced our offspring, she would have been a terrible, emotionally absent mother. There was no point in continuing. Try to use your head, and make wise choices. Good luck! Best advice ever!
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You're totally right, breeding with Kerry would be awful. Now that you put it that way, it just seems like another web she's trying to weave around me. It's true that therapy is no silver bullet, but let's presume that she wants to have a successful and healthy relationship to start with, and is willing to work for it. Now about the biological clock... I don't know how to answer that without possibly upsetting you, and that's not my intention. Perhaps it is best to be silent on the matter. I hope you will forgive me for holding a contrary opinion. But I mentioned it only because Kerry is going completely bonkers about the need to have a baby right now. In her esteem, it's already too late to have children and she's worried about whether she will be able to conceive. But I happen to agree with her. I can't ignore the best advice of the medical establishment, and in my marriage I already endured the prodding and advice of my sister, who is a midwife. I did a lot of reading in order to help my ex-wife conceive naturally (though she did screw us on that point because she was secretly taking the pill). For a healthy woman who leads a healthy lifestyle as Kerry does, there are very few worries. However, the odds of having children with genetic disorders increases dramatically after 35, and I'm not really making a value judgment there because I would love any child we had despite their health or mental status. But some people are psycho about aborting such children. Also, your odds of conceiving naturally are much lower, so you need to undergo special procedures and be facing selective abortion, which I oppose, or endure the added risk of multiples. Women over 40 have a statistically higher rate of miscarriage and complications. Also when you're 40 you're typically overweight, have high cholesterol and blood pressure, and other health issues complicate the picture. Data is continuing to trickle in, but the increased rate of low-birthweight and premature babies amongst these mothers seems to be resulting in a high rate of chronic health problems in those children like diabetes, autism, respiratory problems, and so on. So, speaking as a man who wants a small number of healthy offspring from a healthy mother, I'm going to seek out younger women to breed with, and I'm going to reject older women who I deem unfit for motherhood (psychologically or physically). It's a personal choice, just like women who will only date a guy with a 15" schlong. It's a choice that I have the right to make. I already wasted 10 years chasing after a partner, and that didn't seem to work out because she didn't want to breed (and lied about it). I'm looking now for someone who wants children and who is emotionally stable, happy, and very intelligent. Just because there's a website dedicated to women who want to thumb their noses at the statistical risks doesn't mean that it's the best possible situation. There are websites for pedophiles too, it doesn't make it a good thing. Oh, I didn't mean for that to sound so harsh. Now I'm off my soap box too. Still friends I hope? Thanks for reading the long saga! I left out a lot of details but you get the general idea. I learned a lot from it, but probably not enough, because my ex-wife was a woman who didn't argue with me enough, instead she just passive-aggressively undermined everything I wanted. I'm not sure what was worse, the frying pan or the fire.
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What an amazing saga/story/life experience. The comments are definitely as good as the story. The one thing I have come to realize about you from your writings (and yes I did go back and read your entire blog) is that you are much more of a follower than a leader. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. As such, you will tend to follow any woman's lead to make her happy and the last time I checked, we cannot make anyone else happy other than ourselves (yes, I did get that out of therapy LOL ). Being happy as individuals and then coming together as a couple to enhance or increase our own happiness is the right way to go in a relationship. Kerry seemed/seems to expect you to make her happy based on her own whacked set of personal values which she learned from her parents. As such, the idea of her procreating with anyone scares the living shit out of me. She will have children because she is "supposed to", not because she truly wants to be a nurturing mother. I don't think she has a nurturing bone in her body honestly. My concern in that situation is that the children will never truly be loved and feel loved and they will grow up to be just like her or rebel in such a way that they would break contact with their family just to get away from Mommy Dearest. That is NO WAY for a child to grow up. They deserve so much more. As for Katie, you obviously love her, but Frenchie is still much more important in her life than you are. How do you deal with that? What I see is you "living with it" because you love her and you don't want to lose her. While I am by no means opposed to open marriages, she doesn't strike me as the type that could be open. My guess is that she doesn't like you "sleeping" with Kerry because she doesn't share well with others. You never did say. How did she react when you told her about your Thanksgiving holiday with Kerry? What every happened to safe, sane relationships where we complimented our partners instead of trying to change them? I have only ever had that once in my life and if he hadn't moved 1000 miles away, we'd probably still be a couple. If I have stopped by your blog, please be sure to sign my permission slip Pimp Me, Pimp My Blog, But Let Me Do The Same With You  
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What an amazing saga/story/life experience. The comments are definitely as good as the story. The one thing I have come to realize about you from your writings (and yes I did go back and read your entire blog) is that you are much more of a follower than a leader. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. As such, you will tend to follow any woman's lead to make her happy and the last time I checked, we cannot make anyone else happy other than ourselves (yes, I did get that out of therapy LOL ). Being happy as individuals and then coming together as a couple to enhance or increase our own happiness is the right way to go in a relationship. Kerry seemed/seems to expect you to make her happy based on her own whacked set of personal values which she learned from her parents. As such, the idea of her procreating with anyone scares the living shit out of me. She will have children because she is "supposed to", not because she truly wants to be a nurturing mother. I don't think she has a nurturing bone in her body honestly. My concern in that situation is that the children will never truly be loved and feel loved and they will grow up to be just like her or rebel in such a way that they would break contact with their family just to get away from Mommy Dearest. That is NO WAY for a child to grow up. They deserve so much more. As for Katie, you obviously love her, but Frenchie is still much more important in her life than you are. How do you deal with that? What I see is you "living with it" because you love her and you don't want to lose her. While I am by no means opposed to open marriages, she doesn't strike me as the type that could be open. My guess is that she doesn't like you "sleeping" with Kerry because she doesn't share well with others. You never did say. How did she react when you told her about your Thanksgiving holiday with Kerry? What every happened to safe, sane relationships where we complimented our partners instead of trying to change them? I have only ever had that once in my life and if he hadn't moved 1000 miles away, we'd probably still be a couple. I'm not sure what the benefit of being a leader versus a follower in relationship terms is, but I do aim to please. Life can stink sometimes and your lover should be helping you feel better, or at least not compounding the problem. I know that we can't make a sad person happy, or in Kerry's case, a critical person satisfied. I'm much happier spending time with Katie because she's so easy to please. If I'm not in the mood to go out, she's happy hanging out, talking, and eating a half gallon of ice cream with me. I think you're right, I don't think that Kerry has a desire to be a nurturing person who provides fertile soil for her children to grow up in. I'm not exactly sure what her motivations for breeding are. She doesn't like to be told she can't do something, so perhaps she's ticking off that box before her time is up. I, on the other hand, am looking forward to having children, spending time with them, playing with them, and watching them grow. I love kids and I always find myself playing games with the kids of friends and relatives, and my nieces and nephews. People look at me like I'm some kind of stalker. "Who's that guy giving those kids a horsey ride? Is he by himself? Creepy!" I really enjoy playing, and even just passing the time in someone's company. That's the best that life has to offer. I enjoy kids because they live for the moment and they love when someone pays attention to them, because usually their Mom & Dad are barely stimulating them. Parents are always recovering from a bad day at work and they just seem to want to get control of their own lives. Kids can be baggage in those situations, and they know it. They long for someone who wants to find out about them. As for Katie... I suppose you could say that Antoine is more important because he's the primary, and I get the table scraps. My blog tonight talks more about that. We've discussed having other partners, and I've been very upfront when I've slept with other people like on Halloween I had some male and female partners. She doesn't seem to mind this too much except asking if I was safe. She seems particularly sensitive about Kerry because of our long friendship and old relationship, I think.
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