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BAD SEX
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BAD SEX  Since 1993, the Literary Review magazine organises an annual Bad Sex in Fiction Award in honour of "an outstandingly bad scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel". The most recent winner was Erri de Luca, who didn’t attend the Literary Review’s award ceremony, for the following passage in his book The Day Before Happiness: "My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach. With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her. She opened her legs, pulled up her dress and, holding my hips over her, pushed my prick against her opening. I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe." Other contenders on the Bad Sex in Fiction Award shortlist included the following eight descriptions of sex: 1. "The act itself was fervent. Like a brisk tennis game or a summer track meet, something performed in daylight between competitors. The cheap mattress bounced." (Ethan Canin’s A Doubter’s Almanac) 2. "Often she cooked exotic meals and put chillies or spices in her mouth while preparing the food and sucked him while the food cooked and then told him to fuck her while his manhood was burning rock-hard with fire." (Tom Connolly’s Men Like Air) 3. "I am pinned like wet washing with his peg." (Janet Ellis’s The Butcher’s Hook; the author was a presenter of Blue Peter, a ’s television programme) 4. "He jerked off with the determination of someone within sight of Everest’s summit, having lost all his friends and Sherpas, having run out of supplemental oxygen, but preferring death to failure." (Jonathan Safran Foer’s Here I Am) 5. "At this, Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone." (Morrissey’s List of the Lost; the author was the singer of The Smiths) 6. "She stroked my pole and took off my briefs, and I got between her and spread her muscular thighs with my knees and rubbed myself against her until she was wet as a waterslide." (George Pelecanos’s The Martini Shot; the author is the screenwriter of The Wire television series) 7. "Her mouth was intensely ovoid, an almond mouth, of citrus crescents. And under that sling, her breasts were like young fawns, sheep frolicking in hyssop - Psalms were about to pour out of me." (Joshua Cohen’s Book of Numbers) 8. "While I lie next to him, astounded by his presence still, he opens my silk robe and touches my cunt as if he were Adam just discovering Eve’s pussy." (Erica Jong’s Fear of Dying, an overdue follow-up to her Fear of Flying "zipless fuck" novel) Michael Ashcroft and Isabel Oakeshott’s Call Me Dave, a book about David Cameron the former Prime Minister, didn’t make the shortlist despite detailing how "the future PM inserted a private part of his anatomy into the animal’s mouth." Just for the record, the animal’s mouth concerned was allegedly a pig’s snout! However, one former Prime Minister was shortlisted for the Bad Sex in Fiction award a few years ago. Tony Blair’s autobiography, A Journey, was nominated for the award for his cringeworthy passage about the night spent with his wife Cherie following the news of the Labour leader John Smith's sudden death: "That night she cradled me in her arms and soothed me; told me what I needed to be told; strengthened me. On that night of 12 May 1994, I needed that love Cherie gave me, selfishly. I devoured it to give me strength. I was an animal following my instinct." What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? Have you won any awards or prizes? I think writing about sex is very difficult, which probably explains why my entry to this year’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award wasn’t shortlisted. I wrote, "My cock went in and then came out." I was only trying to be romantic! The only award I’ve won was a prize for being the best geography pupil at my school until I won the Top Cock award on this site nearly three years ago - see the TOP COCK post. While we’re on awards, the Global Conference Network holds an annual ceremony for conference awards, including the Awards Awards - yes, the best award of awards in the exciting world of organising conferences!  |
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Is it still necessary to do the first comment to register a blog post?  
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They are all bad....perhaps they write erotica here on the site lol!!!  ~~Anais Nin~~
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? Now that is a hard one. 1997: Nicholas Royle, The Matter of the Heart this one... Have you won any awards or prizes? not this year Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award?  If these were the ones from the otherwise good novels I'd hate to see the ones from the bad novels.Have you won any awards or prizes? I like the boobie prizes the best.  Vive La Difference
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? I don't read erotica much if at all but none of those really got my manhood throbbing. Have you won any awards or prizes? Yeah, but I'm drawing a blank on naming anything right now. When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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I have won a few things but the most cherished is a very large Christmas figure of Santa sitting at his desk writing a list! It has to sit on a table as it is approx 2 feet by 2 feet!
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Bad sex literature? Just about all of the hopeless amateur attempts at "erotica" on this website  What disturbs me most is the lack of consideration of physical practicalities... "Hold on, she's face down with his cock up her arse and somehow he's licking her clit?" 
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Bonjour Spunky Aucun prix dans ma pauvre vie, Pas même le prix de la bêtise ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Spunky No price in my poor life, Not even the price of stupidity ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? I think they are worthy of a group award Have you won any awards or prizes? A few over the years
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they all reek of desperation. I won a table setting contest........buffet actually. I was 11 and mortified. an award for moral courage and integrity. that's a story in itself. I always thought the Bridges of Madison county sex stuff was pretty awful. very self serving "he moved like a panther" really? c'mon. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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All are pretty bad, it's hard to choose the worst. Reading this nonsense makes me wonder if any of those authors ever had decent sex in their lives. Awards? Not me. I'm not a competitive person. But my dogs were, two of them won national Best in show. That was in my other life. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I kept this up on my screen for three days, trying to wade through all the extremely poor verbage.. Geez, even Pelecanos- Golly The Martini Shot was a collection of shorts and this is truly a short shot- They are all horrible. Who got to proof read all their junk?? I feel sorry for the editors for letting this stuff go to press. And Spunky- congrats for gathering all this to share (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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I think Morrissey should stick to songwriting  
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Mario Puzo, in "The Godfather": "Her hand closed around an enormous, blood-gorged pole of muscle. It pulsated in her hand like an animal and almost weeping with grateful ecstasy she pointed it into her own wet, turgid flesh. The thrust of its entering, the unbelievable pleasure made her gasp, brought her legs up almost around his neck, and then like a quiver, her body received the savage arrows of his lighting-like thrusts." Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? The most recent winner was Erra de Luca, who didn’t attend the Literary Review’s award ceremony, for the following passage in his book The Day Before Happiness: "My prick was a plank stuck to her stomach. With a swerve of her hips, she turned me over and I was on top of her. She opened her legs, pulled up her dress and, holding my hips over her, pushed my prick against her opening. I was her plaything, which she moved around. Our sexes were ready, poised in expectation, barely touching each other: ballet dancers hovering en pointe." Have you won any awards or prizes? I will not attend either if my blog wins the next time!
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Please don't apologidse for rambling; I love a ramble! I think it's difficult to write about sex that connects with those reading about it!
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They are all bad....perhaps they write erotica here on the site lol!!!
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? Now that is a hard one. 1997: Nicholas Royle, The Matter of the Heart this one... Have you won any awards or prizes? not this year
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? If these were the ones from the otherwise good novels I'd hate to see the ones from the bad novels.Have you won any awards or prizes? I like the boobie prizes the best.
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The kinkiest felame blogger award is a great prize; I hope you're parading the prize on your mantlepiece!
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What passage do you think most deserves the Bad Sex in Fiction award? I don't read erotica much if at all but none of those really got my manhood throbbing. Have you won any awards or prizes? Yeah, but I'm drawing a blank on naming anything right now.
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I have won a few things but the most cherished is a very large Christmas figure of Santa sitting at his desk writing a list! It has to sit on a table as it is approx 2 feet by 2 feet!
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I think it's very difficult to write good erotica, which is why I just stick to nonsense!
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Bad sex literature? Just about all of the hopeless amateur attempts at "erotica" on this website What disturbs me most is the lack of consideration of physical practicalities... "Hold on, she's face down with his cock up her arse and somehow he's licking her clit?"
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Bonjour Spunky Aucun prix dans ma pauvre vie, Pas même le prix de la bêtise ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Spunky No price in my poor life, Not even the price of stupidity ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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Notre vie est un voyage-♦-Dans l'hiver et dans la nuit
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