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What women want on a first AFF date
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What women want on a first AFF date Here are my thoughts about what I like on a first date with a FriendFinder-x guy. The thing that gets our attention first is a great email. Each woman has her own preference, some like clever or witty emails, but I prefer fairly straightforward but funny enough to show your sense of humor. Most woman want to know the guy will share her own sense of humor and in fact we expect it because we assume it is the first sign of chemistry. I'm always very nervous the first time but if he can make me laugh maybe I forget how nervous I really feel and am able to just enjoy our first meeting more? The next thing is the IM chat. Chatting is not a substitute for the phone but I really do feel like if a guy can give me some great conversation on IM than we will probably have a lot in common and be able to enjoy time together. If the IM chat falls flat that usually a sign that we need to move on. I've met men who had trouble on the IM and it just never works out. I put a lot of faith in IMing but I am actually a little slow to warm up. I think some men take this as a sign I'm not interested even when its not the case. I usually like the guy to tell me about himself, his experience on FriendFinder-x what he is looking for and then ask me to offer the same details about my own life. Usually if he has opened up about himself I feel comfortable enough to share more about my own personal life. I usually will get comfortable talking about my sex life but have never enjoyed IM sex. The phone is the next big step and it always has me very nervous even after a good, solid converasation IMing. I don't know why this is. I have a very mild accent and sometimes worry he won't like it. Other times I feel like maybe he is just so hot to have sex with someone he'll tell me anything to get me into bed. At this point I find myself holding back again and need a guy to sort of push me a little to open up and share more about myself. After a short while I always do but there have been times when the guy just gets tired of waiting for me or assumes I'm not interested and the phone conversation ends early. When a lucky guy invests some time though and we get into a great phone call it can last for several hours. Once i talked with a guy for five hours and barely realized it until my phone ran out of power! I'm always a little cautious but once I have a good phone call with a guy I'm usually pretty sure whether or not I'll sleep with him. I am very conservative in the way I lead my life and this means I don't push the guy to ask me out. I hint a little and flirt and try to let him know I like him but I definitely need the guy to ask me out. I've never gotten used to the idea that the woman should be that pushy. If things have been going well so far I'm usually very excited about the first meeting. As I mentioned in a previous blog entry I love the anticipation and getting ready for it and thinking about what it will be like. I know this often gets my hopes up a little unrealisticly but a good FriendFinder-x date is often the highlight of my week. Maybe my month if it goes really, really well. To meet for the first time I used to prefer meeting for dinner. Maybe because it was sort of like a regular date and the time it took to eat a meal just made me feel like I wasn't under any pressure to have sex if I changed my mind. Whenever I meet someone this first time I am usually a nervous wreck. I think I'm pretty good at hiding this because I've been told a lot of times that I came across as cool and collected when I know I have never felt like that on any first FriendFinder-x dates. Another thing I like about the dinner date is that the guy has one more chance to show me he is intelligent and has a sense of humor. If there is no conversation during dinner that's usually a sign that maybe we should not pursue anything. My current situation makes it a little hard to go out to a restaurant so I've recently starting meeting the guy for a drink. This doesn't work as well as the dinner date but sometimes its all you can do. As things wrap up the guy usually suggests we go "somewhere else." if I am not feeling anything I try to let the guy know I'm not interested in sex and this is very difficult. I've never figured out a good way to tell a guy this and it makes me very uneasy. Ladies, do you have any tips about this? I'm usually nervous enough at this point that it seems to make the guy uncomfortable. I think I'm cautious about getting to this point with an FriendFinder-x guy because I don't feel comfortable at all turning a guy down like this and possibly even try to avoid it just so I don't have to go through this? If I do like the guy, and I usually know within a few minutes of meeting, I ruthlessly flirt with him, try to touch his hand or arm or let him know how much I'm enjoying the evening. I mentioned before that I need the guy to make the first move. When I first joined FriendFinder-x I preferred to go back to my place because I was very comfortable there the first time with anyone new, depending on my roommate situation. My current situation doesn't allow this so I usually end up going back to his place. Going back to the guy's place always makes me nervous because they sometimes have<b> roommates </font></b>or their place is a mess. If he has a roommate, it really ruins things even if the guy has his own bedroom. I won't even get into how much it turns me off to see most guy's bathrooms. I have a very high sex drive and if I completely lose it after seeing a guy's bathroom it makes me think I just didn't matter enough to the guy. As I get older I'm trying to be more tolerant of guys dirty bathrooms but this will always be an issue for me and probably other woman on FriendFinder-x. When I sleep with someone new I would like the room to be relatively clean just to show me our time together matters. Like most women I value effort a guy puts into a date even if it is just a sex date. Once I had a guy who had a little rose and some candies waiting by his bed. The room had insense and candles glowing in the corner. He even had a little towel folded up on the pillow so I could clean up afterwards. This really impressed me because when he set all this up he didn't know if I'd agree to go home with him. He took a chance and it paid off for him. I was hooked! He really knew what he was doing and we only had to spend like 15 minutes in a local bar before I knew I liked him. Things that really turn me off about a guys bedroom. Pick up all used condoms, sex toys and lingerie from previous women or other girlfriends. I know this is a sex site but most women hate to be reminded that the man they are about to sleep with is probably sleeping with others. If everything has gone well up to this point, I don't ask the guy for small talk or any delays and prefer to get right to it. I think each woman has her own favorite sex acts and positions so figuring out what to do just depends on the individual. I actually prefer a slightly dominant guy who lets me know what he wants me to do to please him. But I am always impressed when he takes the time to figure out what I like and makes sure I get it. When I was younger it did bother me if the guy wouldn't spend the night but I'm older now and understand completely. I think on FriendFinder-x it is simply too much to ask the person to stay the night. We all have busy lives. I don't want to sound like a prude but I really do enjoy getting a text message or email or even a call the next day from the guy to reassure me he enjoyed our time together and just give us a chance to reconnect. Most FriendFinder-x guys don't follow up the next day and a large number rarely want sex again anytime soon. I can't speak for all the women on this site but if we have a great date we don't want to hear from the guy months later the next time he wants a booty call. At this point in a relationship with a new FriendFinder-x guy I feel if the guy enjoys time with me and wants to invest some serious time talking, snuggling and have sex with me on a regular basis, let's set up something and see where it takes us without any mind games. I've had my share of bad FriendFinder-x dates that didn't go as planned but consider myself lucky enough to have had enough of the good ones to continue to be a member after several years. I think the longer you try FriendFinder-x the better you become at it and eventually find what you are looking for. I'm sorry if I was long winded on this blog entry but I just felt like I had a lot to share this time. I'd love to find out what other people's experience has been so far. Alice |
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I'm thinking that if you need to say something about used condoms, run quickly.
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10/10/2010 9:06 pm |
I love your blog! I agree 100%, in fact I felt as if I had written it. More people should read it.
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3/24/2010 3:19 pm |
Sexybell, I read your entry and find it very helpful. Certainly following up and letting a woman know how good of a time you had would her, will only help build the anticipation for the next encounter. When i find one person that fits good and wants a regular thing, it is most important to communicate with that person, or couple, and stay in touch!. Also knowing that each woman is different and wants other things is important. You should read my blog on me and BDSM. I love to dominate.
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Unfortunately I've yet to make any connection with someone on Hook Up in LA yet, but I think I have a better idea of what to do and not yet. Thanks for the bits of info 
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2/27/2010 9:12 pm |
I can't imagine having someone over to my place when if it was littered with the chaos of a previous hookup, or even with my own daily chaos. No one wants to see that. Hell, I don't -- if I end up at someone's house and it is nasty, I think they don't care about themselves and I get a lot less interested, fast. I'm with you on the IM thing, too. If someone can't think on their feet well enough to have a decent conversation over a short IM session, I figure they can't hack it in person, either.
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