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It's Wrong of Me
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It's Wrong of Me I know that it is terrible wrong of me to worry, wonder, etc.... My lover had an affair some years ago with another woman. I mean another woman, aside from the other woman that I am. He told me about it after the fact. Pretty much because someone else told me about it. I cried then and promised myself that I wouldn't let it change us. I think it did though. I still wonder and think about it, although I've never said anything to him about it. From all the silly stuff like whether she was prettier, sexier, had bigger boobs, tighter pussy, performed better oral, all of those silly things. Does anyone else ever wonder about their lovers other lovers? How wrong is it of me? "Don't count the days, make the days count" |
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I try not to wonder about those others in a woman's past. The same type of ruminations - were they bigger than I when it comes to endowment? Did they perform better, longer, exactly the way she wanted it? Did they hug better, cuddle better, spoon better, kiss better? Did they know just the right spots to kiss, lick, suckle on? Were their oral skills better than mine? Then again I look at the way I feel about a woman I am with. Regardless of anyone in my past, the woman I am with is the best lover I have at that moment. I don't compare and each woman is different and each shines in her own special way. I concentrate on that woman's special shine and who she is and lavish my attentions on her and don't bring any of my past loves into the bedroom (or wherever else we may be making love) with us. There have been a couple of times when the woman I was with called out another's name and I knew she was thinking of that individual and even through maybe some awkward moments, I reassured her that I was turned on that she wanted both of us pleasuring her at the same time. But, that's just me. Lady J. - if the man you are with doesn't think you are the prettiest, sexiest, have the most perfect breasts and tightest pussy then he is the wrong man to be with. The man you are with at that moment should be thinking only of you when with you otherwise he is missing out on some amazing moments. Who he was with in the past or who you were with in the past shouldn't detract from you you are with at that moment. Another way I look at it is that some of my lover's lovers may have taught my lover some things which I was benefiting from. New techniques perfected, new skills, reticence to do or try something that she is now doing or willing to try. Most often I have to think that I thank all those who came before me (pun intended) because they have helped make that woman an amazing lover and she chose to be with me at that very moment.
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I try not to wonder about those others in a woman's past. The same type of ruminations - were they bigger than I when it comes to endowment? Did they perform better, longer, exactly the way she wanted it? Did they hug better, cuddle better, spoon better, kiss better? Did they know just the right spots to kiss, lick, suckle on? Were their oral skills better than mine? Then again I look at the way I feel about a woman I am with. Regardless of anyone in my past, the woman I am with is the best lover I have at that moment. I don't compare and each woman is different and each shines in her own special way. I concentrate on that woman's special shine and who she is and lavish my attentions on her and don't bring any of my past loves into the bedroom (or wherever else we may be making love) with us. There have been a couple of times when the woman I was with called out another's name and I knew she was thinking of that individual and even through maybe some awkward moments, I reassured her that I was turned on that she wanted both of us pleasuring her at the same time. But, that's just me. Lady J. - if the man you are with doesn't think you are the prettiest, sexiest, have the most perfect breasts and tightest pussy then he is the wrong man to be with. The man you are with at that moment should be thinking only of you when with you otherwise he is missing out on some amazing moments. Who he was with in the past or who you were with in the past shouldn't detract from you you are with at that moment. Another way I look at it is that some of my lover's lovers may have taught my lover some things which I was benefiting from. New techniques perfected, new skills, reticence to do or try something that she is now doing or willing to try. Most often I have to think that I thank all those who came before me (pun intended) because they have helped make that woman an amazing lover and she chose to be with me at that very moment. At a time when he couldn't find enough time for me, he found time for her. And what it comes down to is that after five plus years, I feel he'd sieze the opportunity to be with another woman rather than me, if it presented itself. We're friends and confidantes, we have a great chemistry, but he isn't intoxicated, enchanted, beguiled, or entranced by me. I know, I want a lot. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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lol. the last sex partner i had that lasted for 6 months, he told me i was the best "lover" he ever experienced. but it ended because he started a serious relationship with another woman. i have no ill feelings towards the guy. it was already made clear before hand.. that once he started anything serious with another woman relationship wise, we wouldnt be able to see each other in THAT way. he told me, that he doesnt mind being friends without the benefits and that i'm still able to keep in touch with him. he told me a little bit about this woman he's seeing. and i suppose she sounds good for him. but i dont really go out of my way to communicate with him tho. i dunno. i guess i dont want to be seen as THE other woman or something. i'd rather give him space and just let him go on with his life or something... i dunno.. but yeah, since he DID tell me the name of the woman he's now currently dating, i did start to wonder about her. her looks and all. and yeah, being my little internet stalker i am... i ended up checking her out outline, lol. and yeah, she seems really nice and wholesome. sometimes i wonder how sex is like between them or if they even started having sex yet. not that i am jealous. i guess they are just thoughts that i wonder about tho, lol... "Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set." ~Lady Gaga
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Lady_J - I have never watched you cam but I must admit I have fantasized many times about what you would look like and be doing and took care of my excitement with those images in my mind. I have read your many blogs which also titillated my imagination and libido. I have viewed your pictures which I also admit have been the object of several, many solitary adventures. As far as that guy you were talking about all I can say is that he doesn’t get, understand nor deserve the sensual, sexual, intelligent and exciting woman that you are. As far as wanting a lot - WHY NOT?
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lol. the last sex partner i had that lasted for 6 months, he told me i was the best "lover" he ever experienced. but it ended because he started a serious relationship with another woman. i have no ill feelings towards the guy. it was already made clear before hand.. that once he started anything serious with another woman relationship wise, we wouldnt be able to see each other in THAT way. he told me, that he doesnt mind being friends without the benefits and that i'm still able to keep in touch with him. he told me a little bit about this woman he's seeing. and i suppose she sounds good for him. but i dont really go out of my way to communicate with him tho. i dunno. i guess i dont want to be seen as THE other woman or something. i'd rather give him space and just let him go on with his life or something... i dunno.. but yeah, since he DID tell me the name of the woman he's now currently dating, i did start to wonder about her. her looks and all. and yeah, being my little internet stalker i am... i ended up checking her out outline, lol. and yeah, she seems really nice and wholesome. sometimes i wonder how sex is like between them or if they even started having sex yet. not that i am jealous. i guess they are just thoughts that i wonder about tho, lol... "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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Lady_J - I have never watched you cam but I must admit I have fantasized many times about what you would look like and be doing and took care of my excitement with those images in my mind. I have read your many blogs which also titillated my imagination and libido. I have viewed your pictures which I also admit have been the object of several, many solitary adventures. As far as that guy you were talking about all I can say is that he doesn’t get, understand nor deserve the sensual, sexual, intelligent and exciting woman that you are. As far as wanting a lot - WHY NOT? Because I signed on here for a no strings attached arrangement. And I guess I've learned that I get very emotionally entangled. I had sex with him a week ago and there has been less communication than usual between us since then. I feel distance, after an evening that should have left us feeling more attached. Part of me wants to think he distances himself when he feels the emotional bond getting too strong, when he feels at risk of saying "something stupid, like I love you." But then I think that's just wishful thinking on my part. And sometimes I wonder if my need to hear him say I love you, has gotten out of proportion exactly because he's told me that he'll never say it to me. And then, part of me says, go to the gym and run, run until you have no energy left in you to worry about this. When my body is exhausted, my mind will sometimes rest in sympathy. LOL Thank you for listening to me rant. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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6/28/2011 9:52 am |
Interesting... For reasons I need not go into, I'm convinced that I can't stay 100% loyal to one woman (no matter how much I try), nor do I expect women I know to be 100% to me or to others. Part of it is that I'm convinced that sex -- while lots and lots of fun -- is not something which should be limited or exclusive. For years, I was in a relationship with a woman who played very well with others. To my surprise, I found that I really liked watching her with others. It worked for years, we were there emotionally for each other, but physically we were not exclusive. The only firm rule that we had was to tell the other if we did something sexually with somebody else -- and to provide all the details wanted. It worked for years, until we both moved, but in different directions.
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I have had women leave me to go back to a former lover because they were more 'in love' with them; but I have never had one leave because their former lovers were better lovers. In fact, I had one stay with me for almost a year just because of the sex. Because I have always been the best lover that they have ever had, I have never worried about that aspect; and as far as emotional involvements with previous lovers, there isn't much that one can do about that.  AKA The Clit Whisperer. 
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I am positive that he is well aware of my emotional entanglement and I do think that he may be somewhat nervous about me being too hung up on him. I also think that in general there are some concerns about some of my past behaviors. However, I have always thought that his distancing himself was also, in part, related to guilt/infidelity issues. It's sexual gratification and nothing more, until you tell someone you love them. Or, at least we can fool ourselves into believing that. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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We all probably do in one way or another Lady J. Its the human curiosity factor along with our basic insecurity over whether we're the best they've ever had or not. BUT - when you have a lover who's got it all together and shares the experiences openly with you, and you in return, it can lead to a hot hot time as well I guess it isn't so much that I'm insecure about him or us together, but that he's the only source of ego pumping that matters to me. SO, when the rest of my life is beating me down, it's nice for there to be encouragement. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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You are the winner, you have just asked the hardest question ever for me to answer. I'm very ashamed of this past behavior, and for the damage it did. Years ago, I tricked/deceived him by opening an account under another name and contacting him through it. I seduced him into flirting, and into telling me things about how he felt about me. You can imagine that it lead to nothing good. We were both hurt, our relationship suffered, and it tore apart the trust. Then, something happened bad, or rather, someone happened and it was funky. At first, he thought it was me up to the same trick. And, what hurt the most about him thinking that was I couldn't get angry. I understood why and that I was to blame for it. Then, there were ramifications to the someone and his communications with it. If I hadn't done the deception, he would probably not have continued communicating with her when things got funky, but instead he did out of intrigue. And she gathered information and connected us to each other and set out to hurt me. And finally, she got what she needed and sent me their entire exchange. I think the most painful thing is knowing that something I did in stupidity has caused us such pain, and almost tore apart one of the best things in my life. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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My lover and I once very talking about our longevity and I said something about what keeps us together is the same thing that has kept us together with our spouses for over thirty years; we aren't ones to just quit when it gets hard, we don't hold grudges forever, we see the wonderfulness in our relationship, and we appreciate the rarity of it. "Don't count the days, make the days count"
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