Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Forgot password?
Blogs > thax013 > Head Splinters

Stepping back - needing to get this toxin out.  

thax013 46M
534 posts
6/14/2019 8:40 am

Last Read:
6/15/2019 9:29 pm
Stepping back - needing to get this toxin out.

I don’t know. Seems I have been not knowing for a long time.

Confusion ... doubt ... bad self image ... projections ... hurt ... pain ... elation ... happiness ... job ... apprehension ... dread ... repeat

I am hurting ... having been hurting.

The blood that runs down my hand and arm feels so much better than the imaginary blood pouring from the emotional holes in my chest.

I should not meet at this point, it would not be fair to the lovely lady. As if I even could get another lovely lady interested. My wife would support it, be excited for it, but I am not in a place where I feel I should ... or that I could.

I just don’t know.

Waiting is the hardest part.

I would much rather just rip the bandages off, let the blood flow, heal, recover ... damaged as I might be.

I cannot rip this.

I should go back to the embrace of the void, enjoy the feelings of nothing. I have taken that company.a few times when feeling hurt too much.

I cannot ... to do so will surely destroy me ... so I will not.

I will fight ... fight my losing battle, against an enemy I cannot hurt ... till I yield in shame. The conclusion is inevitable. I see it clearly, in a life I could never imagine.

It feels like my soul itself is ripping.

Friends I counted on and relied upon, were no friends of us. My heart has hardened in that direction. No more pain from that.

I will recover ... maybe ... someday ... soon ... later ... difficult ... no desire to.

Maybe this is all for naught? Maybe this is to extend the<b> torture </font></b>till I rip myself apart.

I will know, once the waiting is over ... I will accept the conclusion ... I must, so I will.

I just do not know.

It hurts

-out-
Visit my blog if you want to at thax013 and thank you very much!
CleavageFan4U 67M
69374 posts
6/14/2019 6:37 pm

 Don't give in! IF I can succeed (married cheater, without wifey's support), you should be a shoe-in. But YEAH, it''s DAMN unpredictable.

You know the secret is the blogger babes, right?

My Crotch is on Fire
Rain, on HNW
Suit Porn, as Requested by Wonder
[post 3312759] My Private Blog - Tell Me ALL Your Secrets


thax013 replies on 6/15/2019 9:27 pm:
True, blogger babes see the intellect, and are more likely looking for long term friends. That being said, our area has a very small number of consistent bloggers, male and female, and I rarely have the luxury of consistent travel.

Maybe once my degree starts paying off.

Thank you for the kind words. I just had to get that out, else the toxins would seep into and pollute my thoughts.

I am better now, but far from being in a good place for several more days, if not weeks.

Warriors survive, hurt and bleeding as they tend to constantly be, I will survive.

Become a member to create a blog