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| Blogs > rm_notasailor1 > A Weaponized Marriage |
Hurry up and wait
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Hurry up and wait It's inaugural Monday, 2013. The 'Niners are slated to play the Ravens next month and I work with a lot of Ravens fans! Time for a California boy to hush. I'm on a bus waiting for the inauguration ceremony to begin. I'll be on this bus for a bloody long time! But the sun is shining, the air is calm, and it's warm on the bus  2012 had it's ups and downs as I'm sure it did for all of us. I think I'm coming closer to making some sense out of my year. In an earlier post I mentioned the co-worker who jumped my bones. After several months of avoiding me, I'm finally back in with her. She won't discuss what happened but at least we can joke around and go for beers with the gang. It's a shame because I could easily fall for her! Well what the hell... I could fall for a lot of people! Last year I was able to visit LadyUnlaced a few times. She's a wonderful woman and her boyfriend Andrew is a nice guy as well. I'm waiting on her to<b> upload </font></b>pics on her phone that Andrew took of Lulu and I beating the absolute hell out of a poor hotel mattress! I'd be very happy to plug into that couple! Then last Oct/Nov, I had yet another unexpected shagging. A different co-worker and I had been becoming good friends at work. We began exercising together and going for lunch. Before we knew it, we were making eyes at each other. One weekend, I dropped by her house to loan her a tool, and somehow stayed for 3 hours. I dropped the tool and was going to leave, and I hugged her goodby. The hug kinda' stuck and rather than leaving, we stumbled upstairs and into her bedroom! Returning to work the following week, I found that she was filled with regret. At this point it's worth noting that she is a pretty devout Christian  it's a wonder I didn't burst into flame when I entered her! In my life, my wife has doubled down on taking happiness from me! My marriage has always been unbalanced in that her needs are more important than mine. Two years ago she recovered enough from surgery to want pets. We adopted some rats and then there were more critters whose needs were more important than mine. Well, a few months ago, she started adopting puppies so now, there are 10 souls in my house whose needs are more important than my own! I'm at my limit! I take solace in my new job that keeps me at work until mid afternoon! This past weekend, I got several items of personal value and my sleeping bag, and took them to work. I'm putting my ducks in a row so if I walk out the door, I have what I need! I tried blogging here as a way to organize my thoughts. I've been going out of my mind being thoroughly unfulfilled in my marriage. I tried taking care of my needs within the marriage, no go. I went outside the marriage, I got caught and that was no good! I tried drugs for depression, I tried seeing counsellors, I tried drinking with friends... I keep coming around to the same conclusion: I am not going to find happiness in my marriage, and no one else can provide happiness for me. I've been backed into a corner where my only option is to bail! Leaving her would be easy if I hated her, but I don't! There's still some idiot part of me that wants to do right by her and wants her to be happy. If only my happiness wasn't mutually exclusive to hers! I think I'll try blogging again. My friends are tired of hearing me bitch and when I'm jogging with a and bitching to myself, I look crazy! There hasn't been much sex to speak of, but I remain hopeful that I'll find some snippets to post. I did just turn 40, suddenly I'm getting a lot of interest from newly single moms! |
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