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Blogs > cyclerfrombc > My Blog

On swinging  

cyclerfrombc 52M
2 posts
8/1/2016 5:23 pm
On swinging

I found this somewhere on the Web, it's hilarious! And true, lol.

1. You are wearing wristbands in most of your vacation photos. 
2. Half of the numbers on your cellphone are listed only by screen names. 
3. You are running out of reasons to tell your coworkers why you 
can’t go out with them this weekend. 
4. You have over 100,000 frequent flyer miles on Air Jamaica. 
5. You know most of your friends’ names only as couples (Rich and 
Joy, Frank and Jen) but you don’t know their last names. 
6. You go to a convention with three huge suitcases, yet are wearing 
the same outfit when you return as you did when you left. 
7. You had already seen pictures of your friends naked before you 
ever met them in person. 
8. You position the computer screen in your home office in such a way 
that your can’t possibly sneak up on you. 
9. You can’t remember the last time you had pubic hair. 
10. Before traveling somewhere on business or to visit relatives you 
look up couples in the area. 
11. You worry about explaining to the neighbors why 10 couples show 
up on a Saturday night carrying over night bags and don’t leave until 
Sunday afternoon… 
12. You never open your garage door until you’re in the car with the 
doors closed. 
13. Your gynecologist wonders why you’re asking for birth control 
when he knows that your husband has had a vasectomy. 
14. Your hot tub has never had a bathing suit worn in it. 
15. Your sex toy collection costs more than your china set. 
16. Your wife has a shirt that says: “I Like Girls Too.“ 
17. You have a strippers pole in the middle of your den. 
18. You giggle at the golf course when someone asks if they can join 
your foursome. 
19. The last thing you typically do at a party is search for your 
wife’s thong. 
20. You’ve hugged your friends goodnight while naked. 
21. You hear the word “Playmate” and your first thought is not “Playboy" 
22. The word “slut” has become a term of endearment. 
23. You carry lube as often as lipstick. 
24. Your choice in new carpeting is heavily based on which type won't 
give you rug burns. 
25. You’ve taken your Liberator with you to a dinner party. 
26. The term Vanilla isn’t just a flavor to you anymore. 
27. You have a full-length mirror in your bedroom… On your ceiling. 
28. You are constantly encouraging your to spend the weekend at 
friends’ houses. 
29. You don’t think twice about wearing a short skirt, high heels and 
fishnets when there is three feet of snow on the ground. 
30. Your wedding reception has an after party. 
31. You go to Las Vegas, but never gamble or leave the hotel. 
32. You panic when your friend’s digital camera goes missing. 
33. You’ve invited friends over and watched porn. 
34. You’ve invited friends over and made porn. 
35. You’ve watched someone do a tequila shot off of your wife’s bare ass. 
36. Your friends know what brand of condom you prefer. 
37. You wake up in the morning and find that half of the cloths on 
the floor don’t fit you or your wife. 
38. Your think it’s normal for adults to have sleepovers. 
39. A hot tub is considered a necessity not a luxury. 
40. You believe in Unicorns… Because you’ve actually ridden one. 
41. You leave the at home when you go to the toy store. 
42. You’ve taken photos of yourself with your head out of frame; And 
it was on purpose. 
43. You can’t decide which of your three naughty schoolgirl outfits 
you should wear this weekend. 
44. You always keep a supply of condoms, lube and clean hand towels 
by your bed… And your guest bed… And your couch in the living room. 
45. The employees fight to take your order at the One Hour Photo. 
46. You frequently use the term “Friends of friends” when explaining 
how you know certain people. 
47. You know which of your outfits looks best under a black light. 
48. You have an entire closet devoted just to themed outfits. 
49. You place a want ad that reads: “Wanted: Reliable babysitter who 
is willing to stay till sunrise and doesn’t ask any questions." 
50. You ask the sales man at the furniture store which type of 
upholstery best repels semen stains. 
51. The staff of Hedonism III sends you birthday cards. 
52. You come home with that, "There’s Something About Mary” hairstyle. 
53. The babysitter wonders why you are always already wearing your 
full-length coat when she arrives. 
54. In the gym shower you’re the only guy with shaved balls. 
55. You know the most flattering angle at which to photograph your 
genitals. 
56. Half of your vacation photos were taken in your hotel room. 
57. You have a free place to stay in almost all the fifty states and 
several cities in Europe. 
58. You’ve closed your e-mails with “Bi Bi”. 
59. You can expertly identify the tactile differences between every 
type of breast implant ever created. 
60. On Christmas, there are certain presents that can’t be opened in 
front of your family. 
61. You know exactly which of your friends are allergic to latex. 
62. Your vanilla friends ask why they are never invited to your parties. 
63. The movie “Swingers” was a huge disappointment to you. 
64. It’s an unwritten law that you can’t call any of your friends on 
Saturday or Sunday until at least 3 p.m. so you don’t wake them up. 
65. You’ve become especially good at operating your digital camera 
with one hand. 
66. At your “normal” parties no one can go into the basement because 
you’re afraid someone will notice the sex-swing. 
67. You’re constantly afraid that visiting relatives will pop-in one 
of your home videos that you forgot to hide. 
68. You make bets with other swinger friends about how long it will 
take to corrupt your cute vanilla girlfriend. 
69. You’re in a public place and you swear you hear someone shout 
your screen name. 
70. Before introducing them to your visiting family, you pull your 
friends aside and say, “OK, here’s how we know each other…" 
71. You start having withdrawals after two days without internet access. 
72. When someone asks where you’re staying on your trip to Cancun, 
you pretend that you can’t remember the name of the resort. 
73. You ask a girlfriend to teach you: "That thing you do with your 
tongue that my husband enjoys so much." 
74. In the middle of sex with your spouse, you ask someone else to 
take over for a minute while you go to the restroom. 
75. You are more concerned about a pimple on your privates than on 
your face. 
76. You come back from vacation and you have a tan, but no tan lines. 
77. The first thing you do checking into a hotel is to ask for a lot 
of extra towels. 
78. All the men bring their wives to your bachelor party. 
79. Making it an early night means getting home before 3 a.m. 
80. You’ve handed out business cards to people, but the cards have 
nothing to do with your occupation. 
81. Your sexual fantasies never last very long… Because they keep 
coming true! 
82. You are hanging around vanilla friends and you absentmindedly 
squeeze their<b> butts.</font></b> 
83. You erase your computer’s browser history and cache every time 
you leave your office. 
84. You buy lap dances for your wife… And vice versa. 
85. You own a double-headed dildo. 
86. You’re still smiling on Monday morning about something you did on 
Saturday night. 
87. You’re at the market, and the only things in your basket are 
condoms, breath mints and Red Bull. 
88. On vacation you set aside time to stage a bunch of photos that 
are acceptable to show to your family. 
89. After 25 years, people still ask if you’re newlyweds. 
90. You’ve had sex with more people since you’ve been married than 
you did when you were single. 
91. Going to vanilla bars ranks right up there with a root canal. 
92. The only time you go out with your vanilla friends is when you're 
on your period. 
93. Your husband has lipstick on his collar and he smells like 
another woman’s perfume and it brings a smile to your face. 
94. On Monday morning you are glad to go back to work so you can get 
some rest. 
95. You spend the whole week before your parents arrive calling all 
you friends telling them not to call your answering machine while your 
parents are in town. 
96. You get really tired of not making it to McDonalds before they 
quit serving breakfast Sunday morning (on your way home). 
97. You have an entire external hard-drive devoted to nothing but 
your party photos. 
98. You spouse is having an orgasm, while you are busy in the other 
room discussing the stock market. 
99. You spent twice as long on your online profile than you did on 
your resume. 
100. If you are reading this and laughing because many of these 
describe you… 
That’s a pretty good sign that you are a Swinger! 

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