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| Blogs > jswonderful2010 > Alphasiren~ Swim with me~ |
Swinging the Gavel of Judgment
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Swinging the Gavel of Judgment Swinging the Gavel of Judgment I went home for my friend’s funeral this last month. Home, as in where I spent the majority of my childhood. It is a eclectic mixture of rednecks and hippie radicals. The town proper is where the rednecks reside and very small town morality rules. About 14 miles out of town towards the California border is where I grew up. Where people grow marijuana for a living, the co-op is where food comes from, and skinny dipping at the swimming hole is where it’s at. Heaven on Earth This post is about judgment. Judgement and how it affects people in non- traditional relationships. My home town, actually it is the hometown of my St/Vk as well, is a serious cultural mosh pit on many levels. Where I learned about non traditional everything was out in the country in our eclectic communal highly intellectual and artistic tribe. Yet, the that we went to school with in the town proper were mostly some type of main stream Christian raised families. The weekend home started out with a funeral for my in-between guy and his large Catholic family, which I absolutely adore and feel very much a part of despite my heathen upbringing. Ironically, I found myself in the position of defending my ex husband, (#1 the Barbarian) to one of my oldest friends. She was in deep mourning for her nephew, my old flame, and was on a rant about people. She was flinging accusations towards everyone that ever did anyone wrong. Then she turned on my ex-barbarian. She was saying that he and his wife were swingers and making disparaging remarks about their life-style. Making guesses about who they had slept with and thinking I would join her in the bashing gossip. I admit it, I had to press a mental pause button. I could not defend him too vehemently, so I stepped back and collected my thoughts. Should I defend them? My dear friend is very old school Catholic. I could feel her judgment clouding her heart and it made me sad to watch her go to that place. I have always respected the religions/beliefs of my friends and as long as they do not cast that fear based dogma on me, I can deal with it. So I exposed myself a little. I told her that if they were swingers in an open marriage that it was between them, and it was much different than cheating because it is their relationship to navigate. Catholic Girl listened to me half heartedly and then dismissed me because to her Catholic self, this stuff is very black and white. You are married and you are monogamous. Period. End of story. My weekend time with her became rather difficult. I wanted to tell her some of my real life, the racy wild stuff and the self discoveries through the choices I have made. The way my relationship with my St/Vk has gotten deeper and more authentic with every conversation and issue we’ve had to face. I have quite a few old friends like CG. I cannot share my real life with and it makes me very sad on some levels. I am not good at faking anything in my life. (Well, that’s not completely true, I was a Theater Major after all! HAHAHAHA!) But, I do not like hiding who I am and the choices I make. Come to think of it, maybe I am part Catholic, because<b> sins </font></b>of omission bother me too. I was not being who I am truly in my heart. I also do not want to make people uncomfortable and wary that my St/Vk and I are going to stalk them to have sex. Or make them think that just because we are in an open marriage that we pose a threat to their relationships. Once again I found myself feeling gripped by fear of other people’s judgments. On some level is it fair for me to expose my reality to other non-believers? What will come of sharing this with people? Truly it is only the business of those who are close to me, right? Am I bragging? Showing off? Putting my reality in people’s faces that we, the alternative relationship community, are so hip and cool? Or is it my need to be really known and understood by my nearest and dearest friends? And Am I being judgmental in return? Am I judging my dear friend? I know I am in a way, but my judgement is a necessary protective two way shield. It keeps our long-term friendship maintainable. Being in this type of setting is not my proverbial cup of tea. I do not want to play any of the roles in this drama, whether it is judge, jury, prosecutor or defendant. Media? Maybe! Such a tricky slippery slope ~~~~~~~~~~ Open and proud but not too out to everyone  Much love as always~~ Xoxoxoxoxo A/s ૐ P.S. thanks to my awesome St/Vk for processing this one for me! He missed his calling to be an editor!  Alphasiren~ Swimming through the waters of non traditional relationships~  |
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12/13/2011 12:18 pm |
Lions. And Tigers. And Swingers. Oh My!! Sharing is the only way anybody learns of alternatives. However, protect your head. Some folks will never get it, use the hypothetical, "I know several couples that swing succesfully..."
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