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Quick Jokes
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Quick Jokes These are comments made on students' report cards by<b> teachers </font></b>> in the New York City public school system. All<b> teachers </font></b>were > reprimanded but-boy, are these funny! > > 1. Since my last report, your has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. > > 2. I would not allow this student to breed. > > 3. Your has delusions of adequacy. > > 4. Your is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. > > 5.Your sets low personal standards and then consistently > fails to achieve them. > > 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic > thing to hold it all together. > > 7. This has been working with glue too much. > > 8. When your 's IQ reaches 50, she should sell. > > 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train > isn't coming. > > 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be > watered twice a week. > > 11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this > beat out 1,000,000 others. > > 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead. > _______________________________________________________________ > ___ > > These Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos > around the country: > > 13 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one > you just went through.' > > 14 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll > stretch after you wear them a while.' > > 15 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth > certificate a worthless document.' > > 16 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.' > > 17 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because > that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.' > > 18 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means > I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?' > > 19 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't > think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?' > > 20 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to > do that again or I'll give you another ticket.' > > 21 'The answer to this question will determine whether you are > drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?' > > 22 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where > you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in > monkey poop. > > 23 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a > toaster oven.' > > 24 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.' > > 25 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?' > > 26 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now > we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.' > > 27 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal > friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.' > > AND THE WINNER IS.... > > 28 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're > right, we don't. ............ Sign here .." ..  
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