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How to Give a Cat a Pill
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How to Give a Cat a Pill How to Give a Cat a Pill 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. ;Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call your Husband in from the garden. 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get Husband to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair<b> curtains. </font></b>Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get Husband to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw, oops cat blew first. Immediately check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and get Husband drink a beer to take taste away. 9. Apply band-aid to Husbands hand and forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap. 10. Retrieve cat from garden shed roof. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Apply cold compress Husbands left cheek and check your vaccination records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply compress to left cheek and disinfect. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom. 12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the #$%^&* cat from the top of the tall tree on the other side of the street. Apologise to your neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat Take last pill from foil wrap. 13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down. 14. Get Husband to have another beer. Get to drive your Husband to the Doctors surgery. Sit quietly while doctor stitches your Husbands arm shoulder and fingers and remove all pill remnants from Husbands right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. •15 Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. .  
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Lol... I am happy I never took pilling lessons from you! All pets, past and present, would agree with me! Muah, Wet
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Lol... I am happy I never took pilling lessons from you! All pets, past and present, would agree with me! Muah, Wet
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Hopeless but kind of funny. I never had that much difficulty giving pills or tablets to the cats that I have had. Humans are shithouse at communicating with cats. Yours sincerely, The Cat Whisperer.
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