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| Blogs > gottaring > Out of the Mouth of a Babe... |
The Great Blogger Swap, I Brought This on Myself
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The Great Blogger Swap, I Brought This on Myself KarlBloggerfeld is one sick monkey. He's written about his mother's vagina and likes to stick things up his own ass. As y'all know, I'd like to stick something up my mother-in-law's ass since she made me stay in the room while her vag was catheterized. So I guess we have something in common. A little. Not much. Yeah- we're nothing alike, are we? So why do I still want to ride him like a porch swing?  Dear Gentle Readers, It isn't often that I feel moved to perform a service for the benefit of our little blogging community. For the most part, I make obligatory jokes about my back hair and my small dick, you politely laugh and comment because you're obviously very easily amused, and then I get back to the real reason I'm here - dropping hog on the hot bitches of A.F.F., the world's foremost site for sex and swingers whose motto is "The Customer is Always Fucked." Well, this time, it's different. This time, the exceptionally beautiful, sexy and easy (I added that last part more out of hope than any actual knowledge of the truth thereof) gottaring has requested my help during her time of blogging need. I don't really understand the precise reasons she needs my help - something about an orgy, a donkey and a sex toy gone missing. Anyway, I'm nothing if not a doormat, eager to help a pretty girl with her homework, particularly on the off-chance that she'll show me a little gratitude with a pity-handjob. So, without further, I give you - Out of the Mouth of a Boob Welcome to this special edition of Karl’s Forum Blog Quest. This week, Karl is donating his time, talents and intellectual property to his blog buddy gottaring because she implied that if I wrote a blog for her that I’d get a hummer out of it. This week’s edition of Forum Blog Quest is Rope Bondage. So uh… like, enjoy or something. As is my practice when I’m not terribly familiar with a forum blog topic, I did some research into rope bondage. And, as is my practice, my research on this topic consisted of looking at porn pics depicting the topic in question. Usually, my practice is to masturbate to those porn pics. Usually. This time, I changed my practice to trying to pull my balls down out of my torso. Fun Facts about Rope Bondage Did you know that the Boy Scouts of America invented rope bondage? Yep. Turns out that it takes a fucking Eagle Scout level of knot tying ability to become a master rope bondager. In fact, in order to get your Eagle Scout badge, you’ve got to kidnap a Webelo, use some homemade knockout gas to get them nice and inert, and then you have exactly 3 minutes to get him in a Double French Frogtie before the effects of the gas wear off. If you succeed, you get your badge. If you fail, the Scout master gets to put you in a Sticky Chines Suspension Bow. Did you also know that it is clinically impossible to engage in rope bondage if you have A.D.D. ? It takes not only incredible skill to tie someone into a proper Triple Dutchman Shrimp Tie position, but it also apparently takes the patience of a fucking saint because that shit takes forever. Did you also know that rope bondage is the official hobby of Croatia? In fact, tying a really tight Reverse Croatian Strappado is the favorite pastime of the over-65 crowd. They find that it helps treat osteoporosis and depression. Did you also know that I actually met gottaring at the Third Annual South Texas Ball Tie Jamboree? She was a guest judge and actually awarded me the Most Ingenious Use of Dental Floss Award. Did you also know that ABC is coming out with a new reality TV show called Strict Hogties with the Stars? It sounds like a real winner and Mario Lopez is going to be the host. And finally, did you know that gottaring is truly regretful that she asked me to write something for her? Anyway... you crazy (and I mean that literally) go out there and have fun tying each other up into positions that would make a Chinese gymnast blush. And don’t forget to warm up thoroughly before engaging in rope bondage. It’s always a shame when someone gets a torn rotator cuff because of an incorrectly tied Persian Double Reverse Prayer. And don’t let the rope burn ya where the sun don’t shine. (Unless you’re in an Inverted Looped Matanawa, in which case it’s totally cool.) When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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GOOD
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Um... GR. Think I should alert people I took some literary license with actual rope bondage configurations? For example, the Frogtie is real. The Double French Frogtie is ... less real. Now that I think about it, I'm curious what might pop up if I searched for the DFF ... karlbloggerfeld - Dry-humping your legs since 2007.
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When I was 9 years old my parents found a bondage magazine under my bed. They didn't spank me though  
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Nice post. It is good way to start my day at work and remind me about my knots. LOL,  Cum to my blog and respond.  Have a great kissing fun time. 
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Too funny, a great post! But now my imagination is running wild so off I run to find out what a Double French Frogtie is....and a Sticky Chines Suspension Bow, a Triple Dutchman Shrimp Tie are too.  Oh hell I gotta look them all up! 
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Follow me kid. I'll teach you one we call the "love knot", but you'll need to hold a bite of line with your teeth.
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great post. perfect read after work.
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4/5/2012 7:00 pm |
Well done!
 It's never the same thing twice... [post 2477869] [post 2800527] Current series: [post 2910971]  
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Psssssshhhhhhh Eagle Scout my ass. If you want knots; you go to any U.S. Naval Base, you wander around asking everybody if they've seen a Boatswain's Mate lately, they'll raise their arm and point out a guy.... like me for example, you'll walk over to the BM and say "Hey Boats! Could you teach me a few knots?", at which point I'll look at you and say "Follow me kid." Anyhoo... Much love to Gottaring. She is a brave lady with impeccable taste in blogs. karlbloggerfeld - Dry-humping your legs since 2007.
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Nice post Bloggerfeld.
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Psssssshhhhhhh Eagle Scout my ass. If you want knots; you go to any U.S. Naval Base, you wander around asking everybody if they've seen a Boatswain's Mate lately, they'll raise their arm and point out a guy.... like me for example, you'll walk over to the BM and say "Hey Boats! Could you teach me a few knots?", at which point I'll look at you and say "Follow me kid."
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