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I've Looked at Love From Both Sides Now- NETWORK ONLY
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I've Looked at Love From Both Sides Now- NETWORK ONLY This post is only viewable by FriendFinder-x members. Join FriendFinder-x now! When it comes to sex, I need a STRONG connection. Otherwise, the page just keeps buffering and takes FOREVER to load... |
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xo  I have no effing clue where I'm going and what I'm saying Vixn_Vella Its not me....It's you. And no...we cannot be friends
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Sorry to hear that my sweet. I just got out of a "relationship" with a woman I have been seeing for a year and a half. She was never committed to me for the long haul, and she was upfront about it. I was in love and had hope though. At what point does one give up hope? At what point does one realize that one deserves better? Thoughts from the Garden...
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Well ok...no directed advice then...but let me share with you something from my own experience. And its not just because I'm AGES older than you...but alot of it is experience etc. First off to be with someone along time is an accomplishment in and of itself. It takes alot more than just "putting up" with things. The key is communication. If you can't communicate then that may be the centre of your problem. Mind you that's what counselling is for. If you haven't tried counselling, well, then you should. Its funny what goes on in our heads...we build all sorts of castles and dungeons and find ourselves there from time to time. Which really is bullshit. There aren't any castles and dungeons unless we make them. And if its "us" that make themm then they really aren't real are they? Get out of your head and stand beside yourself and have a good look at what you have and what you'd gain and what you'd lose. If what you'd lose is worth fighting for then damm it!! FIGHT FOR IT!! being friends, having children together and respecting each other is a long way down the path towards happiness...nothing is perfect in our imperfect world, just decvide what you NEED and get into that. My opinion after 38 years of marriage is you get what you work for, fight for, live for...nothing comes for free, so don't expect it to. Our worst problem is expecting more than others can give...don't throw something away just because the IDEAL isn't there...in someways we have to continually grow up and adjust our wants and needs to what we can get and what suffices. And marriage is a two way street not separated by a boulevard, just a dotted line, so again you have to talk and communicate and share and compromise... Sorry to be preachy...but I am a true believer in not giving up.
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I understand completely. You need to make your decision and then do it...swiftly. Amputation to save two lives is far better than the slow process of a spreading gangrene which will kill both your hearts. I have been there with divorce and I have also let go of the man I loved. I'll be here for you my friend. ~~Anais Nin~~
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Option #3: Relationships are like oceans; lots of ups and downs with some calm times. It is entirely possible that this is just a phase, that there is a slope upward to come. Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.
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Good luck!!! Always feel sad when a marriage doesn't work out. Worse because mine hasn't for years but can't end it yet. Hugs!!!! xo
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First off, I'm sorry to hear you're having such angst. My history wouldn't shed much light on yours, but I will tell you that much of the discourse with my ex was due to her losing respect for me. It's a long story, but I knew I was getting divorced about 8 years before I finally moved on. Course, that was done for my kids' sake, not mine, and I can't say whether it was the right decision to make at the time or not. Every situation is different, so drawing conclusions from others doesn't really help you all that much. All you can do is learn how you feel and go with your guts, cuz that's what you'll have to live with. Course, it's hard to get past the anger and the disappointment to actually know what you feel and more importantly, why. In the end, you'll have to discuss it with your husband, and his reaction will give you some insight. If he is resigned to "your" decision to end the marriage, that will tell you it's over and he was just too spineless to raise the issue in the first place. On the other hand, if he fights to hold onto you, then it's better to try as hard as you can to do that. Just me two cents.
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Hun, the door is always open, as is the batphone. Don't hesitate to send me a message, even if it's just because you need someone to yell at, who will just allow you to let it all out. It was the same with me, where I tried everything... at least everything I thought was everything. But there comes a time, a point, where you just open your eyes a little wider, breath a little deeper, and everything just makes sense. If you are not 100% sure, and I do mean ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SURE, then that moment hasn't arrived yet. But I know you are smart, and you are very wise. So whatever decision you end up with in the end, will be the right one.
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Everyone who knew us thought we had everything we could possible want. But, no one lives in your home 24/7 so they never really know the whole story. I asked for a divorce when the pain of staying in the marriage became more painful that the pain of leaving. I also realized that I was sad all of the time. Not necessarily unhappy but just sad, like a part of me had given up and settled. It was as if my marriage and slowly seeped all of the color out of my life and I had to have it back. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. (Pssst, I think you mean Joanie Mitchell, I used to play this on the guitar endlessly when I was a teen-ager).
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I know it was a rhetorical question, but I'll answer anyway. I got my first inklings at year 11, but it took me 11 more to finally decide that I needed the pain to stop. Neither of us were happy, and we came to the realization that to continue to make each other unhappy was pointless - not to mention how it was affecting our kids. He is happy now, remarried. Me, not so much - as I am still on a journey to find myself. Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.
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You know we are here if you need us. You didnt even have to ask. It took me a long time to make that decision to leave, and for me, it came down to the realization that I didn't want to end up hating him. Had I stayed thats exactly what would have happened. No,it doesnt really matter how or why it disappeared. You only know that that its gone, and you grieve for it. "You've seen my descent, Now watch my rising!" - Rumi Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are forged from it - Michele K.
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Oh How I wish I could help, but atlas it is your decision. 
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We should talk, cause these are thee exact same questions I struggled with. Even though he ultimately made the choice to leave me, I know it's for the best because I think I have happiness either on my own or someone else that I won't ever have with him. All I can say is that it took years of soul searching for me to realize that it wasn't going to get better. ***
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