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| Blogs > spiderj72 > Going to Hell for sure |
When do you tell someone?
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When do you tell someone? What the title refers to is your kink or your predelictions or favorite things to do in the bedroom. It is why I like this site and others like it. There is no hiding the fact that sex is the focus and key to the possible relationship. I used to (like four years ago) also use a vanilla dating site. I remember suddenly not being able to contact people and it was simply because I visited the area of the site where it was people who were looking for sex. Now the end of my marriage had basically the worst stretch of sexlessness ever. LIke three times in the span of a year (I know there are others out there that have had it worse.). I was not willing to accept going sexless so I found that my honesty in a way screwed me out of contacting people. Funny how that works in real life as well. Can you imagine if we all carried a little card like our profile and handed it out to strangers when we met them? How nice to know that the manager of your local coffee shop is into cross dressing and looking for someone to dress him like a doll? Now comes the two sidedness of people on these sites. If you aren't into something that your potential partner is then don't do it? I personally cannot talk dirty in bed. It is a flaw of mine. Actually it isn't a flaw at all but just a characteristic . I watch porn with the volume low because I cant take dirty talk, it makes me giggle and laugh out loud. Do I hold it against someone that they want dirty talk? No. Just the same way as I don't hold it against someone that wants to role play, or cross dress or insert the name of your fetish or kink. So when do you tell someone that you think football helmets are the bees knees in the bedroom? I think sooner than later. Make it clear that to you those football helmets are like a very special treat. A giant hot fudge sundae I you will. Not something to be had every day but a nice treat now and then. I think the worst thing you could have happen is the person turn you down flat and get snobbish about it but then they would be snobbish about something sooner or later. The worst really would be closing our mind to your partners thing and not realizing that it is a tonne of fun and you missed out on lots of hot and "kinky" sex. That would really be the worst about it. So cast off the shame of your kinkiness or fetishistic side and with any luck that hot fudge sundae becomes something that both of you can enjoy. |
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Wonderful blog. It is amazing that everyone knows the key to a successful relationship is communication, yet we do so little of it. All the effort in a classical relationship is focusing on putting your best foot forward for fear of rejection from the other. It's a downward spiral, the deeper into the relationship, the less honesty. When it comes to sex it usually starts with the numbers lie - "how many before me" - never mind a frank discussion on the joys of anal sex. We were lucky, in that we met on here and before we had any stake in a relationship, we had lots of discussions. Not just on sex, but on a wide range of topics. It is pretty liberating when you are not coming from any 'angle'. This communication and openness gave us a foundation to build on. Before anyone thinks we were all about the sex...as we moved into the relationship phase, we moved away from this site...basically became pretty 'vanilla' in normal dating - but we could still openly discuss our sexuality. Even after 10 years we are still pushing boundaries and continue to find new comfort levels. Ironically most of our kink is simply ideas/turn ons that have always been with us...neither simply felt a level of openness, trust and support to talk freely about them. Again wonderful blog.
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Great Question. The male was so Upfront and Honest from almost day one. Scared the Crap out of me at first. I was the Vanilla Queen times 10. What he told me also Excited me I found out real quick. To have some one be so Trusting an Open from the start was amazing and special. Holding back or hiding ones Desires or Wants and Needs is just wrong. Be upfront and honest as quick as you can . Because it allows the other person to adjust to what they learned and to ask questions or to Open up themselves.
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Wonderful blog. It is amazing that everyone knows the key to a successful relationship is communication, yet we do so little of it. All the effort in a classical relationship is focusing on putting your best foot forward for fear of rejection from the other. It's a downward spiral, the deeper into the relationship, the less honesty. When it comes to sex it usually starts with the numbers lie - "how many before me" - never mind a frank discussion on the joys of anal sex. We were lucky, in that we met on here and before we had any stake in a relationship, we had lots of discussions. Not just on sex, but on a wide range of topics. It is pretty liberating when you are not coming from any 'angle'. This communication and openness gave us a foundation to build on. Before anyone thinks we were all about the sex...as we moved into the relationship phase, we moved away from this site...basically became pretty 'vanilla' in normal dating - but we could still openly discuss our sexuality. Even after 10 years we are still pushing boundaries and continue to find new comfort levels. Ironically most of our kink is simply ideas/turn ons that have always been with us...neither simply felt a level of openness, trust and support to talk freely about them. Again wonderful blog.
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Great Question. The male was so Upfront and Honest from almost day one. Scared the Crap out of me at first. I was the Vanilla Queen times 10. What he told me also Excited me I found out real quick. To have some one be so Trusting an Open from the start was amazing and special. Holding back or hiding ones Desires or Wants and Needs is just wrong. Be upfront and honest as quick as you can . Because it allows the other person to adjust to what they learned and to ask questions or to Open up themselves.
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I think that the vast majority of folks who are happy with their partners are ones who communicated well at the beginning and always in their relationship. I have had a few partners (one wife included) who were content not to talk about what lit their candle and as a result unhappiness.
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2/10/2016 6:31 pm |
So I read all this and walked away thinking about a hot fudge sundae!!! I never heard it called the football helmet. ..I giggled like a naughty 12 yr old boy. When I watch porn..it is on mute. I struggle with dirty talk in bed. My hubby will say something and it makes me want to laugh or it sometimes...turns me off. Like, please don't speak!! Communication is very important. I like this...I love that...and sometimes I like a football helmet. Hopefully, you will find so done who is open and maybe willing to join you.
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So I read all this and walked away thinking about a hot fudge sundae!!! I never heard it called the football helmet. ..I giggled like a naughty 12 yr old boy. When I watch porn..it is on mute. I struggle with dirty talk in bed. My hubby will say something and it makes me want to laugh or it sometimes...turns me off. Like, please don't speak!! Communication is very important. I like this...I love that...and sometimes I like a football helmet. Hopefully, you will find so done who is open and maybe willing to join you.
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there are times when I think of first dates as job interviews. I like the notion of a dating prenup though. I might steal that idea in the future.
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