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| Blogs > PartThymeLover > PartThymeLover's Spice Cabinet |
Superficial Motivations Equating to Bad Sex?
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Superficial Motivations Equating to Bad Sex? In dating there is generally a process by which one discerns the viability and compatibility of a potential mate. The traditional paradigms of dating involve connections being made at a social function, gathering place, or through common educational institutions or workplaces. The typical process involves some degree of physical attraction - the level of which can often be compensated for by intellectual connection or commonality of interest. If there is an immediate sexual rendezvous stemming from such an encounter, the sheer eroticism and heat of the moment can make up for what may have been bad sex - but not always. A slightly less traditional approach has been the blind or semi-blind date. Blind dates can end before they get started because of lack of attraction stemming from poor first impressions. Two people who might otherwise be sexually compatible can fail to "hit it off" because of nerves or external circumstance. In other instances, a couple might give themselves over to the heat of the moment and have a hot, passionate encounter that fizzles out due to lack of a true connection. Still, there is the possibility of interaction in a social setting providing comfort and clues as the to the suitability of a sexual partner. Modern digital dating has created an entirely new dilemma. The proliferation of internet porn has gradually infused sexually oriented men and women with a distorted view of reality. In the real world there are far fewer 36C Barbies and 9" Kens than portrayed in the world of adult media. While enticing to watch, it cannot be equated with reality. When sexually oriented men and women switch-on an adult dating site, they are presented with still images of nameless and often faceless people. Unlike when they press the "pause" button on their dvd player, these men and women are not the image of perfection that they are programmed to seek - in spite of the reality that the best sexual encounter may be with someone less than perfect they seek until they either resign from frustration, or manage to connect with someone who is adding notches to their headboard; such a lover is rarely suited for great sex - and never interested in his or her partner's pleasure. The adult dating world has turned the reality of great sex upside down. While physical attraction is important, a desire for pleasing one's partner and a real physio-emotional connection are equally important. Choosing a sexual partner based on a still image alone is simply a bad idea. Other areas of life exhibit similar issues and serve as analogies. Consider the pictures of food in magazine advertisements; a hamburger has a spray-painted bun,plastic lettuce, cardboard beef, and chemically altered cheese - it is inedible. The same may be said for the superficial selection of<b> sex partners. </font></b>If you want a great connection and fantastic - even amazing, sexual experience...take time to talk with someone. Communication out of the bedroom is a precursor to communication in the bedroom - necessary for truly mind blowing sex. Also consider dropping that guy or gal you are viewing an email even if they are not your physical ideal. You might hit it off and have the most remarkable sexual experience ever. Remember, the brain and the heart are the largest sex organs. Until Next Time... ~PTL |
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I don't think it is really about just "getting action." I mean...there is always for everyone if you look. They may not be your ideal, but that is a bigger issue that you will have to deal with - having the same aversion to stepping beyond your comfort zone that prevents Miss Perfect from contacting Mr. Not-so-perfect. It is more about maximizing sexual compatibility to achieve a balance. At the same time, it is possible to have really bad sex with a Mensa member that has similar interests it they are incompetent. At the same time, a woman who is a great lover and communicator could turn that Mensa member into a Zen-Master of love making...maximizing compatibility. That is something that cannot happen when people look at a pic as the solitary source of their decision making. In many cases, some degree of responsibility would fall on the individual making their ad...is their pic really maximizing their identity? I read a blog from my friend who was cursed at and insulted by a guy for rejecting him after he sent her a face pic. The problem was not necessarily his physical appearance, rather it was the fact that his pic was stupid. In the pic, he was staring cross-eyed and sticking his tongue out. Who's fault is it that she rejected him? Certainly not hers.
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