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| Blogs > rm_uptownkiller > Soon to be insane |
The Death that changed my Life Forever
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The Death that changed my Life Forever I can't believe it has been over fourteen years. It seems like the time has flown. I have friday off, again, so I will continue on my thoughts. Maybe telling a few things that I have been holding back. After all, I couldn't very well tell my "friends" of the first meeting of my current husband. I would die of embarrassment. After all, I do have a reputation to keep. One thing about him I have loved from that second meeting, is his self confidence. It is like a drug that I find very attractive. As you recall, he was fat, serious computer geek type, that I thought was rather boring when I first met him. I guess, his not caring what people think of his actions kinda perplexes me. After all, I have to hide my thoughts from my work, friends, neighbors, and family. He is brutally honest which is refreshing, but causes me all sorts of worry around my peers. Anyway, I spent the day with his grandmother after his grandfather died. helping his mom make phone calls, and arrangements for their family traveling. His grandmother seemed so frail, and yet, she always seemed to have a inner strength. Not at this time, when the day grew long and his mom could not get a hold of her . After hours of trying, she finally got through to some commander at the Army Base he was stationed. I didn't know what a red cross message was, but for some reason, it seemed to grease the wheels of people trying to find him. She knew he was in the middle east, but we really did not not what he was doing. Infantry unit, and that made no sense, because the guy was a computer geek. It was morning his time, when we got a phone call back from him. He had already been informed of his grandfather's death, and sounded sad, besides distant on the poor connection. His mom begged him to come for the funeral, but he claimed that his unit did not redeploy home until the day after it would occur. His grandmother got on the phone, and cried, and the more his crackled voice talked to her, the more she wept. Later, I found out he told her a story of when his grandfather took him fishing. I thought it was anyway. She was kinda incoherent. After talking to him, she handed the phone back to his mom, and wept some more. Later, my was asleep on the couch, and his mom finished calling family. His sister had shown up, and was sleeping with his grandmother in her room. The phone rang, and I jumped to answer, and handed the phone to his mom. He is flying into Georgia, tomorrow, she said excited. I laid down next to my and slept. In the country, the crickets are always loud at night. Tonight, they seemed asleep. I remember the man, and missed him, but it seemed almost distant to me. As if I had to be strong for the rest. When I woke, I could smell biscuits, bacon, eggs, and gravy. His grandmother was a horrible cook on everything except breakfast. When she would wake up after her cups of coffee, she didn't care what the food tasted like. Many meals I turned down after just getting a glance at them, but never breakfast. His sister came out to gobble down some food, and despite being a pretty woman, was washed out from the previous' days travel. Austin was a six hour car trip, and it looked like she didn't sleep well. We were good friends then. Damn, I wish we still were, but that is another post. Anyway, after breakfast, I had work, and let my stay with the girls to "help out", but really, they seemed to find joy in just being motherly towards her. Since I was a single mom, I never turned down a chance for free babysitting from his grandmother. I lived only across the street, but I did consider them my grandparents more than my own. They were the type of grandparents I wanted, and not the type I had, that lived five states over and never interacted with me and my . Work was boring and uneventful and after eight hours, done. I ate at my house, and packed a sandwich for my girl before heading back across the street. The whole house seemed to buzz with activity. His mom was cleaning like a mad woman, and his grandmother checking for food supplies. What's happened, I asked my . Her is in Georgia, she said, pointing to his mother. Now we have to clean, have I ever met him, I know the other cousins? You were only a baby, and still are, I thought at seven years old. Gee, I wonder if he is any fatter, I thought. Now that seems ridiculous, but after all, he was pretty fat last time I saw him. His mom made arrangements for his flight from Georgia, from a friend of hers, paying for his final plane trip, instead of him driving and maybe missing the chance being present for the funeral. Things were going well, except with my brother, who almost seemed passive since learning of the death. He was close to my husband's grandfather, and I thought they got a long pretty well. I didn't know, that my brother and his sister had dated months earlier. They didn't tell me, and them in the same room was chilling. His mom asked me to drive her to pick him up since his flight got in very late, and it was over a hour drive to the airport. Sure, why not, but I had to borrow my mom's car since mine was low on gas. It was the first time my mom loaned me her car, and I think she wouldn't have, had not his mom not asked for me. His mom has always been generous, especially with other people's things and that is a very long story. I don't remember anything about the drive to get there. Nothing. It is as if my brain shut down from the tedious of it. Soon we were there, waiting at the terminal for his plane, and his mom was almost jumping with excitement. Once the plane landed, I grew even more bored if that was possible. People started coming off the plane, and one guy next to me almost seemed approach me, but with a glance and a sneer he didn't even try. It seemed like my husband had missed the plane, until his mom shouted, OVER HERE, ****, I wasn't sure who she was talking to at first. The very attractive girl, or the thin guy in a plane white T-shirt and jeans carrying his shoes. Suddenly, he dropped his tennis shoes, ran to his mother, picked her up, spun, hugged and kissed her on the cheek. She was laughing when he put her down. Aren't you glad Joe paid for your ticket, she said? The first words out of that quirky smile he gave will forever be embedded in my brain. Even today, the way he said it makes me smile. "I hope you gave him a thank you blow job for me, mom. He deserves one." I was shocked. I thought she would slap this guy. After all, she was part of the same church group I associated. We frowned on that sort of behavior. Very crude, and yet, bold. Next, that pretty girl handed him his shoes. Staying long, she said. He laughed, only a couple days, and then I go back to playing gi joe. She really looked disappointed. I have your number if our locations ever change, enjoy your time in Dallas, he said, casually dismissing her. She turned in a huff, and he really seemed not to care. Very odd, I was looking at the girl, thinking I was terribly unaddressed. I couldn't understand it. I felt something. Desire, I guess. I looked him up and down and oh my goodness how he had changed. Thin, and much stronger looking, and his hazel eyes just seemed to be so playful. His crew cut hair fit his face. He had an air, and then as I thought they both had forgotten me, while he made fun of his mother and she was laughing so hard it sounded like a donkey baying, very crazy. "This is *******, she drove to pick you up." He made eye contact with me for the first time and stared deep into my eyes. Can you lift 180 lbs, he said? Huh? I weigh 180 lbs, and you are picking me up? I am driving you, I said seriously. Too bad, the last time I was picked up was from my platoon sergeant dragging me out of a ravine with both ankles sprained and a gash on my arm. I would have had more fun you doing it. He giggled. I felt weird, it was like I was looking at George Straight, who I dolized at the time. He was handsome, and since other women wanted to be around him, and so did I. “ Keys”, he said. I was almost not breathing, I didn't understand the reference. Then he reached out and took my hand and pulled me closer to him. He was holding my hand with the keys to my mom's car between us, and I melted. His strong hand felt very masculine. It was exciting. With his other hand, he pulled my fingers apart and took the keys from my hand. I didn’t know what he was doing, because he was close enough I could smell him. I was expecting someone sweaty from getting back from the desert, but he smelled like soap. His eyes bored into me, and I felt my heart grow bigger in my chest. He laughed, and said, I am stealing your car. Huh? Then, with my mom's keys, he took off running down the terminal. Trying to run and put his shoes on at the same time, he laughed as he ran/stumbled away. What's going on, I asked his mother? We better hurry, he might leave us behind knowing him. What? He took your keys, his mom stated. His mom held my hand as we really had to hurry. Almost midnight, and chasing her down the terminal. Like a little boy he darted in and out of people, towards the baggage claim area. Once there, he grabbed a big green duffle bag, gave it a quick look over, and handed it to me. I dropped it. It was fucking heavy. Again, the smirky smile, and a laugh. And you said you were going to pick me up, he said. No, your mom said, but he ignored me. Grabbed the stupid thing with one hand, and started walking towards the parking lot pushing the key remote in his hand. I admit it, I was watching his ass. If his mom caught me, I knew I would die from embarrassment, but she was glowing. Very odd, I was expecting him to be depressed, but his attitude was contagious. The alarm went off in the parking lot, showing him which car was mine. He popped the truck, placed his duffel in, and opened the door for his mother in the back. It forced me to sit up front with him. Now, I have sat in the seat next to a lot of guys, a lot. Normally, I really don’t find anything fun about it. Most guys are boring. In fact, I thought I would get a little back, now that I was in the front. If he tried to hold my hand, I could ignore him. Give him the cold shoulder, but really wanting him to try. I wanted him to do SOMETHING. Anything, so I could dismiss my earlier feelings towards him. As we sat in the front seat, he started the car. He held up both hands into the air, and said, lets pray. I was in shock. This brash guy said he wanted to pray. I thought it was kinda sweet. His mom took his hand from the back seat, I took the one up front. He bowed his head, and said out loud. “Dear lord, thank you for a safe journey, and lord please forgive these two for not bringing me Jack in the box tacos. Amen.” My mouth hung open I am sure. I think I was supposed to feel offended, but I wanted to laugh. I was mad that he would suggest something like this, and yet I was attracted because he dared. He pulled me close, and with his hand holding mine, he whispered in my ear very serious. Please don’t try to give me hand job while I am driving, besides my mom is in the back seat. Then I realized my hand was in his crotch because he had put it there. I snapped my hand away like it was on fire, and screamed at him, I am NOT giving you a hand job. His mother said, what!!!! “Relax mom, I told her not to while I am driving. Jeeze. “ His mom called my name, and he waggled his index finger at me with a serious expression on his face. I covered my face up with both hands, and sat there as we drove off into the night. There was a tension in the car. I wanted to get out and run. Every time I looked at him, the image of me actually giving him a hand job burned into me. His soft tones with his mom as we drove lulled her to sleep. I was wired. The blow job reference earlier, and now the hand job, and in my perverted little mind I thought about what would sex be like with this guy. I really really wanted to be a good girl, and my body seemed not to listen. One thing I might have forgot to mention at this point, I was engaged to guy I met at church. Strange, how I could write about this trip, and almost not remember about my former fiance’. He was a sweet guy and now that I think about it, very dull. I wanted a guy to be a father to my little girl. I thought he was the “one”. He had a good job, was actively involved in the church, and my seemed to like him. Not remembering him now, made me remember I didn’t think about him at all during that car ride. Engaged, and yet there was no passion either. I wanted some security, and he was it. In the car, I was thinking things like, what will this guy do next? Is he ever going to hold my hand again? Was that his cock I felt when my hand was in his crotch. Why did he do that? No guy has ever tricked me into touching him there upon first meeting. It is just not done. I can have any guy I want, why do I want this guy? That thought haunted me. I needed to be firm, and and and…then he spoke as we got closer to my home. “Who’s at the house? My sister I suppose.” Two of your three first cousins, and you uncle and aunt are there right now. Awesome, lets put mom to bed, and I’ll wake them up, he said. Its midnight, I said. I am on Kuwait time, and its almost 9am there I think. I want Jack in the Box Tacos, and I am getting them before I go to bed tonight. We pulled into his grandmother’s drive, and parked. He dragged his mom out of the car and took the keys. I waited outside and I heard some arguing inside, and a male cousin who is bleary eyed, yawning, and walks toward me and gets into the car. A few minutes passed, then my husband bulls out of the house with the middle female cousin draped on his shoulder. She is hitting him on his back, and he swats her butt, and says, I haven’t seen you in ten years you are coming to Jack in the Box. No, she screams. He puts her down next to the car looks her in the face. You can tell all your friends and our family how horrible I treated you, and kidnapped you in the middle of the night. If you don’t come peacefully…He stood closer to her, towering over her, looking down, he says softly, I won’t buy you a milkshake. She punched him in the gut, and hurt her hand in the process. He said even softer, maybe you should work out, just for that I am only buying you a small one. She crossed her arms, and got in the front seat, which left me in the back with his other cousin. I knew them both very well. I didn’t know they knew him or vice versa. They never talked about him. I used to babysit both of them as they were growing up. I didn’t realize how much an impact he had on them until much later. They both joined the army when they graduated, citing my husband as the reason. The girl, bless her, died two years after joining. Not in combat, but in a car crash in Florida on the way back to the base after visiting her parents and telling them she was pregnant. His grandfather’s funeral was the last time my husband saw her alive. I wonder if he thinks about her as much as I do. She was a good , and missed by all of us. She was buried a few plots away from his grandfather in the same cemetery. Although the years between deaths was about four, seeing the place reminded me of this trip. I could not cry, but my husband did, and I held his hand both times. I did want to comfort him, and I am not really sure why. I wanted to be sad at her funeral, but his nature kept me from it. When we got back home, and he went to work the next day, I did. So much drama in a single day. I feel at peace. When he gets back home tonight, I hope he takes this peace away. If I am ever going to finish this, it is going to be next week. I plan on having a big fight with him tonight, and he hasn’t given me a weekend off unless he or I travels in many years. I am aching for it now, wondering how he is going to manipulate me into the bedroom. Yes, manipulate, but in a good way. |
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you are one fucked up chick, and i mean that in a good way...reading your blog is like watching a breathless train wreck that explodes into hershey kisses upon collision. your husband sounds amusing, entertaining and i think you must be madly in love with him.
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