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Socks! Reloaded Edition
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Socks! Reloaded Edition Greetings minions, and welcome the blog with the lowest calorie count while still being full flavored. We're still working on the triglyceride levels in here, but hopefully the new medication and diet do the trick. I had a discussion with Jules1590 recently, in which she expressed her severe distaste for feet in general, and "Monkey Toes" more specifically. This has led me to realize that perhaps the reason so many men continue to insist on wearing their socks during their broadcast sex videos, is due to the behest of their significant others, and not of their own choosing. This is now an entirely new problem which calls for a complete restructuring of my approach to sock-clad fucking. I hadn't considered that many of these men would prefer to be barefoot, not only for the sake of looking less like a douche, but also to allow for maximum traction. Say what you will about the appearance of simian digits, but they sure grip the carpet better than a pair of Hanes tube socks. The Beast has always been open to having his mind changed as long as he is presented with a legitimate argument for doing so. As such, I'm now going to devote my formidable intellect to helping my primate toed brethren out there, instead of ridiculing them for their perceived douchitude. I've decided to develop a line of socks which will serve a threefold purpose. 1) They will provide a positive grip surface to alleviate the worry of a man slipping on a slick floor during a vigorous round of standing doggy-style love making while their wife is safely planted on their bed on all fours. Nothing kills the mood faster than having your feet shoot out from under you during a power-stroke, and the floor suddenly rushing up to wish your face a good evening, and thank you for coming. 2) They will come in a variety of colors, and styles so as to be more aesthetically pleasing and make a man look as if they belong on his feet during sex, instead of simply making him look doucherific and too lazy to completely undress for the occasion. Nothing will be more embarrassing than when you men turn 75, and one of your grandchildren finds an archived photograph of you performing a reverse cowgirl with granny in a pair of hole ridden black tube socks. 3) They will keep your hairy knuckled, abnormally long, toenail fungus infested, tree branch grasping, termite seeking Monkey Paw excuses for feet hidden away so as not to make your partners vagina dry up like a pound of beach sand kept in a decorative jar on your fireplace mantle. 4) (I know I said 3... Shut yer holes!) They will provide warmth should you wake early on a winter's day and decide to get yourself some pre- breakfast snapper before you're bothered to strike a match to the wood stove. 5) (I thought I told you to shut it!) Seeing as how these socks will be specifically designed for sexual endeavors, special BDSM styles with built in securing tethers may be just what the leather chaps wearing Dr. Ordered. Here are just a few preliminary designs that I thought up today. I would greatly appreciate feedback as to what you minions think. Any suggestions for further designs may be annotated on the standard Minion Recommendations Form MRF-0U812 and submitted to The Minion in Charge of Beast Burrow Suggestions.  Once I go into production, I fully expect the profits from the first quarter of sales alone to provide The Beast Burrow with the funding to get you minions out of those toilet paper uniforms, and into my bed.... Errrrrr... I mean a more fashionable and durable uniform worthy of the finest minions a Beast could hope for.  So there you have it straight from The Beast's desk, deep within the bowels of The Beast Burrow. I shall no longer refer to men wearing socks during sex as, "That guy at the center of the douche storm." I will try my hardest to empathize with them, now realizing their significant other may have demanded a covering of the simian knuckles so as not to run the risk of being grazed by them, and infected with their unsavory plague. BEAST OUT Bonus Material! Increase your sock based knowledge with OneStrangeBeast's Obscure Facts About Socks Program. Today's Morsel: most people probably believe that socks with individual toes are a relatively new fad in the world of socks. The oldest surviving socks, however, were excavated near the Nile River in Egypt, and are thought to have been manufactured sometime in the fourth century C.E.. They feature a split-toe design which was developed for wearing them with sandals. We all know what we call somebody wearing socks with sandals in this day and age. That's right... Douchtastic! |
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I would like to order a pair of slut socks please..
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HEY! I wear split toed socks with my flip flops during the winter...and I don't feel the least bit douchtastic...I feel warm and happy.  HA!I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn
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Well, I promise you if we ever meet, I'll be sure that I'm wearing the latest in hideous man-foot covering technology.
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HEY! I wear split toed socks with my flip flops during the winter...and I don't feel the least bit douchtastic...I feel warm and happy. HA!
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You know I almost added a sixth purpose for these socks? I was going to say they could double as christmas stockings, but I didn't want to leave anybody out that believes in some other invisible sky father figure.
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Toenail fungus  Definitely a valid reason to wear socks.  
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Toenail fungus Definitely a valid reason to wear socks.
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