590 posts 8/22/2016 6:35 pm
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Something peculiar happened once
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See it on television every day
Hear it on the radio
It ain't humid but it sure is hot
Down in Mexico
Boss man tryin' to tell me
Beginnin' of the end
Sayin' it'll bend me
Too late my friend
Riff raff
It's good for a laugh
Riff raff
Laugh yourself in half
Now I'm the kind of guy that keeps his big mouth shut
It don't bother me
Somebody kickin' me when I'm up
Leaves me in misery
I never shot nobody
Don't even carry a gun
I ain't doin' nothin' wrong
I'm just havin' fun
Riff raff
It's good for a laugh
Riff raff
Laugh yourself in half
I should just call this blog the "guitar chronicles "! LOL! Anyway, something happened once and I would like to share it. It's a very weird and strange event in my musical history with playing the guitar. My whole history with playing the guitar and becoming a musician is in and of itself very strange and bizarre. I've related in the past through various posts about how things evolved and came into being. Because my evolution into becoming a musician and guitarist wasn't a straight line, but a more round about almost didn't fucking happen kind of thing. When I think back to strange events like this, it makes all seem so surreal and strange. First of all, I wasn't a player or a musician for a long period in my life. I wanted to do it, but it seemed like one of those impossible things that most people just dream about, but never actually do. And for me, it was an impossible task, I still can't believe I actually did it. The part of me, that wasn't a musician, is still there, lurking around and it still holds sway over my mind and decisions. I'll give you an example. I'm currently practicing a few songs I may upload one of all of them someday as videos. They are all mother fuckers or extremely difficult to perform. I was going to tell you which ones they are, but then I realized that after reading this you might try to tackle them yourself. That would be a mistake because they are very difficult to perform and you could end up injuring yourself, or be left feeling inadequate because of you inability to reproduce them. Either way, I don't want to be responsible for making you feel worthless and a loser, you already have enough things in your life to remind you of that already.  
Anyway, the one song has a killer solo you need to really rip on! I didn't think I could play that fast. I watched a video of someone else playing and thought it would be too intimidating to attempt. Then I watched one of my own videos and I realized, " oh yeah, I am that fucking fast "!  I don't know why I still think I couldn't do it? It's that part of me that still resides in my psyche somewhere.
So.................to tell you this, I have to give you some background. This happened a very long time ago, in an era and technical age that was still very primitive and incomprehensible to many people today. There were no computers, or shall I say, the kinds that we have today. Yes, there were computers, I did know people that had them and they demonstrated them to me. But I assure you, you could not down load a picture of a woman blowing a donkey with one of them! That wasn't even a consideration at the time, believe it or not?   I know that thought is totally inconceivable to you right now, not having that ability, and you're probably wondering how we survived without it? Barely, that's all I can say.   Those computers were nothing but glorified automatic typewrites that you could play a lame, or very lame version of a video game on sometimes. We had phones, but once again, you couldn't take a picture of your junk and send it to someone with it. You could still do that, but you had to take photograph with a regular camera and mail it to them through the U.S. postal service. But you didn't even want to do that, because the clerk might ask you " if you had registered for the draft yet "? So, it was a very labor intensive and dangerous field to navigate.  There still was television, and a new fangled feature called "cable " that was being introduced at the time. You could still watch television without any wires hooked up to it. You could receive a signal through the air that was picked up with an antenna. Kind of like watching videos on your phone today. Even saying something like that last statement, back then, was inconceivable at that time. If ever did say something like that, people thought you were bat shit, because you were!   There was even color television. That had been around since the fifties, and a lot of people had them, but not everybody. We were one of the unfortunate ones that still watched tv through a black and white. For those that don't know what that means? It means we watched tv without any colors, except black and white.  Also, you need to know, owning a television, was kind of like a luxury item. Like a Jacuzzi or a boat is today. You had three major purchases in your life at that time. Your house, your car, and your tv. Everything else was secondary. I have several TV's and flat screens for my computers in my house, just like everyone else in the world today. And they are all in color. If you would have told me that was possible back then, I would have told you, you were bat shit! And not to discount the point. If you owned, not one, or actually two color televisions back then? You were either extremely fucking wealthy, or the President!  Yes really, I didn't know anyone who owned more then one color tv at that time. If you think I'm making that last part up, go watch tv shows or movies from that era. You won't see, even in a fucking movie, someone owning more then one color tv in their house! That's how rare and significant it was. Also, this was before the proliferation of the VCR too! Oh, now here is where we really endured a form of medieval torture!  Oh, so you want to watch your favorite show? Well, to do that, you had to be sitting in front of you tv, of which you only owned one, and hoped someone else in the house didn't want to watch something else on one of the other, four to six channels at the same time. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, you only had about six choices of television stations to choose from! There was no HBO, or Showtime, or Starz, or ESPN, or the golf channel. You had the three major networks, ABC, NBC, CBS, and or PBS, and reruns of Gilligan's island on one of the three UHF frequencies available at the time. That was it! If that sounds like the dark ages to you now. Believe me, it was, and I knew it sucked even then! The only thing cool you could do with that medium, was go to the movies. At least you could see some nudity, and hear some profanity and not have to be subjected to commercials. I know today, that's not true, they bombard you with tv commercials at the movie theaters now days, but back then it was still the one place you still had some dignity. Today, of course, you can just use your phone, but back then it sucked donkey's even if you couldn't download a picture of a woman sucking a donkey. Kind of ironic, don't you think?
So. it was into this environment, a strange occurrence transpired in my musical history. It was like a back to the future moment. Or, something I do regularly today, without even giving it a second thought, but at the time, it was so weird and strange, I even noted how unusual it was at the time. I even discussed it with my friend Mike, who played bass and would sell me my very first electric guitar eventually. Oh, one more thing about television at that time I just remembered and want to note it. The programs were better. Not everything was of course, there has always been a bunch of crap on tv, and today it's worse then ever. But back then, the network shows were better. The stories and the concepts behind most of the shows was usually very good, or better then it is today. This is not something I imagined like a childhood fantasy. You can go back and watch those shows yourself and see they were better. I now realize why. Because there were so few outlets for television shows, and even fewer shows. The<b> writers </font></b>had to fight tooth and nail to get their stuff developed. Because the producers had so many good choices to choose from usually the most creative and original idea was made into a show. Today, it's just the opposite. There are so many channels that need content, they'll put any stupid crap on, just so they don't have dead air. And they have an even stupider audience who will sit there and soak up that shit. That's mainly why tv was better back then and sucks like a hoover today! Okay, back to my psyche phenomenon! I have told you, that Tesco del ray, or the piece of shit electric that Mike sold me, was my first real guitar, that's not really true. I had a piece of crap acoustic guitar before that I used to pretend to play. It didn't even have all the strings. But, I used to mess around with it, with fantasies of becoming a great rock star someday! Okay, that last part was a lie, I never envisioned myself as a musician in the future or any other time. I couldn't play, I didn't know anything, and there was no way for me to learn. I was surrounded by dolts, jackass's and loser scum fucks who would actually try to dissuade me from even thinking of becoming a musician. And I don't mean this was a passive thing. They would actually scream it in my face, " You suck, you suck, you'll never learn to play an instrument, and you're parents wanted to put you up for adoption "! At that was just from my music teacher. And yes, she really did say that kind of shit to me. People are such fucking assholes, and I thought the job of a teacher was to encourage students to follow their dreams, not demean them and destroy their ambitions, but I digress.  But, as I've related many times in previous posts, there was actually one time, I had a premonition that I would become a great guitarist one day. I was watching a video of Van Halen's " Hot for Teacher " on tv some years later and a voice or thought came into my mind, it said, " and that's how you will play the guitar someday " Yes, really, and that's exactly what they said. Well, this event was almost as strange and bizarre as that one.
Now that I have given you enough background, here is what happened. I'm not making anything up, this is exactly what happened. Like I said, we only had a portable black and white tv. I was in high school, had no money, and a shitty, very shitty acoustic guitar to mess around on. I asked if I could take the tv into my room to watch it. This was unusual too, but things worked out so I was able to do that. I usually could not have the tv to myself like that. I know, this all sounds strange and unbelievable, but that's how things were in the dark ages of technology. I watched my show, then the new at eleven o clock. Then, at eleven thirty, the witching hour, it happened. I'm still stunned, to this day! I checked the tv guide and there was some movie scheduled to be on that channel at eleven thirty. I thought, " oh, okay, I'll watch that shit ". I don't remember what the movie was. Then, after the screen went dark, it lit up again, but not with a movie, but with an Elton John concert! And not a regular concert either! He had been touring with a full band for years prior to this show. On this tour, he decided to do it completely by himself or with just his voice and piano. So, if someone played another instrument, you could play along to the songs. Just like I do today with the backing tracks with certain instruments eliminated from the track while I fill in with it. Of course, I couldn't play along to the songs, because I hadn't yet mastered basic chords. But, I played along anyway as best I could and just made up shit. Which, incidentally again, something I do today when improvising a solo to a song, but I know what I'm doing now, and it actually sounds like music!
Well, there was one song that I really, really liked, " Saturday nights alright for fighting ". He finally did that one as an encore at the end of the program. As you might be aware, I covered that song in one of my videos. For me now, it's not a hard song to play, it's actually quite simple. I had always liked the song and intended to cover it in one of my videos someday. But, while I was playing it, at the time, when I was young and dumb and full of cum and didn't know shit about music or playing the guitar I did something very strange and bizarre. I actually got it right! To play the song, you have to use the two basic bar chord configurations. The top bar chord where you bar the entire set of strings with your first finger and put your other three finger on the two lower strings and the third string in the middle of the three frets you're covering with your hand. And the other bar chord where you drop down to the fifth fret and use just two fingers one fret apart or the first and third fret with your second finger barring at the fourth string and the rest of the strings on down. I hope I described that accurately enough for you to picture? In the song, you just keep alternating the two bar chord types in a descending pattern down the neck, or the eight, C, the sixth B flat, and the first F chords. I actually did that and got it right. I remember thinking, at the time, " wow, this actually sounds like the song, or I'm playing it correctly '. Of course I dismissed my own idea's as ridiculous and a figment of my own imagination. I wouldn't find out about it for sure until many years later when I actually learned to play. Then I remembered that night, and the whole strange episode, and I realized, I actually was playing it right! I remember this, and I'm still perplexed by it. How did I figure that out, and why during all the crazy shit I was doing on that out of tune, didn't even have all the strings piece of shit acoustic guitar, did I have a flash of brilliance and play my favorite song perfectly? And why did a concert, that was not even scheduled in the television magazine, come on, while I had the tv all to myself, in my room?
I even talked to Mike about it the next day at school, at lunch. We used to sit together there. He watched it too, and was as blown away as I was. That's how I know I wasn't dreaming it all. But, like the episode I would have while watching the Van Halen video, it was another bizarre incident! I'm still left wondering about it.
Next time, I'll tell you the story of how I predicted the rise of Nirvana and Kurt Cobain. Yes really, another weird thing that happened. I just don't know about this stuff sometimes.
Addendum
Okay, I'll tell you about how I predicted the rise and coming of Nirvana and Kurt Cobain specifically! Not only did I describe him and the band accurately, I even predicted when they would appear. Now to tell you this, I have to give you a little background. Don't worry, it won't be as involved and drawn out as the television shit. But, I could write a Harry Potter series of novels about this asshole I associated with at the time and about how fucked up and insane he was. By now you may be wondering, " how did you know about Nirvana and when they would break big, and if this person was such an incredible world class fucking asshole, why were you associating with him "? First, I had a knack for predicting trends in the music field at that time, and I by some weird fluke, I just got it right. Secondly, I didn't know this guy was a crazy psychopath. He seemed normal, some of the time. He also had all these cool friends and I thought that by associating with him, I would gain access to them. It worked somewhat, but ultimately, his ideas and behavior became intolerable to me and I had to stop associating with him. How I finally found out, that he was crazy or not normal, was by accident. He was always good at keeping up his front or façade and explaining away any discrepancies. For my part, I wasn't stupid or unaware of the situation. I knew something wasn't right, but could never quite put my finger on it, because he kept slipping back into a normal pattern after weirding out a few times. What finally happened that I realized he wasn't normal, is that we took a trip together, at my insistence, and there, he didn't have his regular standbys to hide behind. He was like a fish out of water, and didn't know how to act. So he went completely nuts! In retrospect, it seemed like I planned it that way, just to expose him. But, I swear, that was never my intention nor in my mind in any way at the time. Although, to this day, I'm sure he thinks it was. I know this because he wrote me a letter afterwards stating as much. This was before email. That too, exposed what a paranoid schizophrenic he was, among all the other mental illnesses he suffered from at the time. Up until the trip, I just thought he was a little off with some things. But after the behavior I witnessed there, I realized he was dangerous! How I deduced that, was by something he did. I totally understand acting like a dick to aggravate and antagonize someone else. But usually, when a normal person does that, they don't put themselves in mortal peril or danger, just to get back at someone their angry at the time. When I witnessed him, almost literally walking off a cliff just so he could get back at me, I knew he had a serious mental disorder. Oh, in case your wondering what transgression I perpetrated to incur his wrath? I didn't take him to the right restaurant he wanted to dine at for dinner! And because of that, he was going to kill himself just to teach me a lesson. Makes perfect sense, right?! Fortunately, I caught him, just in time, but not because of anything he did to alert me to his intentions. I knew how he was by then, and I had a premonition and acted on it. I brought him back from the brink, just in time, and we did eventually go to the place he wanted to eat. But I was sitting there across from him thinking, " Oh my God, this motherfucker is crazy "! I had another day and a half with him on the trip, and he pulled more fucked up shit the entire time culminating in him almost missing his flight back home. Once again, it was only because of my knowledge and experience that I was able to get him on the jet and into the friendly skies as quickly as possible. After that, I never associated with him again! I didn't know, at the time what I was dealing with, and have sorted it out over time by discussing it with various people. My assessment is that he was nuts, but could front that he was normal. I know what your thinking, " well, if that was me, I would have realized he was crazy sooner and got away from him ". No you wouldn't, in fact, you would have thought just the opposite. I know, because he fooled so many people like that. He's still doing it. But here is something I know that no one else does. If someday, they find a bunch of bodies buried in his basement. Everyone will be shocked and left wondering how it was possible he could be capable of such a thing? Except me, I had his number way back when he was young and hadn't done anything yet. Anyway, not only was he crazy, he was the most negative person you would ever meet. I know this too, because I've met all kinds of people and he was by far the worst. Now that I've given you some background, I'll explain how I predicted the rise of Nirvana and Kurt. I was always talking to this asshole and telling him things. Around this time, I was telling him things about the future, or what my plans were for my music career. The odd thing was, at the time, I didn't know if I was ever going to actually do any of the stuff I was mentioning. But it turned out, I actually did every single thing I told him I would! For me, it's another weird anomaly. Because at the time, if you would have heard me, you would have thought a hundred percent certain that I was just talking shit and would never do any of that stuff. But like the time I got it right playing along with Elton John, all the stuff I planned came to be realized. I still don't understand it. So, we were walking out of a day at an amusement park, to my car. And I just came out with my prediction for the next big phenomenon in the music business in the coming decade or the 90"s. We were still very much in the middle of the 80's when I said this. At the time, the hair metal craze was in full swing. You had a plethora of Rock God guitarist with long flowing locks playing metal at blistering speeds on the six string axe! There was no way, that I could predict, by what was going on at the time, a band like Nirvana would come along and revolutionize the music scene the way they did in the first year of the decade. I said, the next band or star that will come along will look like Jim Morrison, sing like Janis Joplin, and play the guitar like Jimi Hendrix! There was also one more additional element I neglected to mention. I could lie and say, " oh yeah I said that too ". But I didn't, only because I wasn't as conscience of it at the time. Although, I was aware of this characteristic that was vitally important to the mixture. You had to have the songwriting ability of John Lennon! If you are at all familiar with Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, you'll realize he fits all of those criteria! Through out his brief career, he flirted with the Doors music in concerts, talked about John Lennon a lot. Played an unusual unique style of guitar playing, left handed on Stratocasters like Jimi Hendrix used to do. And finally, yes, his singing style was similar to Janis Joplin's. Unfortunately, he had another flaw, of having a negative attitude that defined the bands character and ultimately destroyed him. It was like he had the same negativity in his personality that asshole I knew had, but in Kurt's case, it killed him. After I told that crazy dick head friend of mine this description, I then proclaimed, " They will take the world by storm and then suddenly, everyone will be wondering , what was that "! When I said those words, I didn't realize at the time, I was describing the brief meteoric trajectory of Nirvana's career culminating with Kurt's sudden death at his own hands. But, everything I said came true. I don't know why I said that, or where it came from. I just said it, and it turned out to be true eventually. The only other thing I would like to add to this, is that after I got away from this insane creep, and I started performing, the first performance I ever played in front of a live audience was a Nirvana song! There you have it, make of it what you will. 
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