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Opening Up About Anal
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Opening Up About Anal This weekend I had a sale on the product side of my business (Pure Romance by Marcella Lyles). When you sell “Adult Toys” you get use to people feeling like ANY mention of what you do is “spammy”, “rude” or otherwise intruding on their generally sexually quiet worlds. In fact, if I told you some of the things I’ve been told just when I mention what I do, it would make you wonder how it is we have SO MANY people on the planet. Seriously, you’d think that the human race was full of flowers, bees and storks and for all the sex ridden images on TV, magazines and social media…apparently NO ONE EVER has ACTUAL sex…but that’s another blog for another time. Tonight what I want to talk about is just how DISTURBED people were by this sale. Ok, not by the whole sale…and not everyone. However, everyone who was bothered by the “sale” really only focused on one category of items. What was it that got me trolled and asked strange questions that bordered on being sexual assault? What was it that had me KICKED OUT of a Facebook “POST YOUR ADS FREE/NO RULES” group for merely posting a picture??? Was it the Sex Swing? Nope. What about the whip? The crop? What about the Ben Wa balls? Nope. I doubt the people who freaked out about that sale even notice those items. You know what freaked them out? THE ANAL BEADS and BUTT PLUG. There I typed it. In big bold letters for you to gasp and groan because you know there’s NOTHING worse in the whole sexual diet than anal, right? Ooops there’s that word again. ANAL…oh OK. Fine, I won’t say it that way, it’s too confronting to use technical terms. How about: BUTTSEX? BOOTY BANGIN. Bunghole BINGO. Riding the “Hershey Highway”. Go ahead…get it all out. Seriously, I’ll wait. Ok…a few more…How about now? Are you done now? Now that you’ve made all the normal gripes and giggles…can we have a REAL conversation?? Yeah? OK GREAT! Here’s what I want you to know…anal sex is kind of a normal thing. As a Sexuality Educator and Relationship Coach, trust me when I say that it’s something that many people fantasize about and that some people do on a regular basis. In fact, when I was a phone sex operator; it was the NUMBER 1 thing people would call in about. Yup, even more than a threesome. Go figure. Now, before you think these were some strange<b> creepy </font></b>people who wanted to do dirty things to your backdoor, I’m going to stick up for them. Honestly, most of them were in relationships with someone that they weren’t sure would even be open to considering anal sex. It was to the point that they were calling a phone sex line just to have the space to TALK about the mere idea because there was nowhere else they could go. It’s not as if we live in a sexually open minded country where that type of sexual expression is talked about in school, dating circles or anywhere other than porn and places that are considered “dirty”. Calling a Therapist or a Doctor often requires an appointment and also, takes away anonymity. So, is it any wonder that the next best thing would be to call a phone sex line…pay a small fee, get your questions answered and no one would be the wiser? It’s smart when you think about it. The people that would call wouldn’t be calling for me to role play with them. That wasn’t what they were after. Most of the time, they would ask me really important questions. The questions I got most often were questions about how to do it in a healthy way and how to be safe and as pain free as possible. They wanted to know which lubes to use and if there was anything they could do ahead of time to make the situation more comfortable. Of all the questions they would ask, at the heart of what they wanted to know was how could get their partners to be OK with the idea. Even if their partners weren’t OK with doing it, they would ask me how could they ask their partner in a way that wouldn’t make them feel bad for asking. It’s been some time now since those calls and this issue with anal still comes up. The questions haven’t changed. The fears are all the same and the reactions that I saw from my sale really aren’t helping. While I think everyone has their own reasons for being turned on or turned off about anal sex there are some basic things that might help everyone to know: 1. It’s normal to be curious, even if you’re not interested. Sometimes people think that if they are curious about something it automatically means that they want to do it. That’s actually not true. I could be curious about jumping out of a plane with no parachute, that doesn’t mean I have any interest in actually doing it. Talking about things and being curious about them is simple fantasy. That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to follow through. However, sometimes just the ability to talk about something gives you the freedom to choose where you go next, even if it’s nowhere. 2. Anal play can be very pleasurable and not involve penetration. Sometimes the fear of anal penetration prevents ANY conversation at all. The reality is there are different ways to stimulate the anus without penetration. Rubbing, licking and sometimes even just a nice anal massage can relieve tension, relax muscles, create arousal and generate orgasm. 3. It can be done safely. That’s not to say there aren’t risks, because there are. There are risks due to bacteria, tearing and simply not knowing what you’re doing. However, if you’re willing to have a REAL conversation and get REAL education (and by that I do not mean just doing what you saw on porn) then anal sex can be safe and multiorgasmic. 4. It’s not just for the person in the back. One thing that people don’t understand is that the anal sphincter has a lot of nerves. It’s highly sensitive. Thus, as much as not knowing what you are doing can lead to pain and tearing, knowing what you’re doing can be cause for AMAZING orgasms all around. 5. Trying anal sex can be liberating. Some of the reasons that people use to avoid anal sex are also some of the reasons they should be having anal sex. Mostly, because when you aren’t doing something that you want to do just because someone said it was “dirty”, you lose your own self expression and you start to ignore your own sexual desires. Being honest about any curiosity, desire or follow through with anal sex may allow you to open up and learn about those things that you’ve been afraid of for so long. If after learning about them, you’re still a “no” then honor your “no”. However, the worst thing would be that you are secretly a “yes” to anal sex but your blind attachment to “no” stopped you from discovering something wonderful about yourself and your sex life. Of course there’s more to talk about regarding anal. There are literally books upon books about the topic. For now though, I think I’ll stop and let you catch your breath. To think about these 5 things and maybe, to allow you the space to have a conversation about what you REALLY think about anal sex. Some of you are out there being afraid, avoiding the topic and not having a conversation because you’ve been told it’s not OK. Well, now you know…it’s OK. So my question is, what would you say about anal if you knew that it was perfectly fine to have something GOOD to say about anal? I’d love to hear what you come up with. Feel free to leave a comment or visit my page Pure Romance by Marcella and drop me a line. The more that we talk about what we don’t normally talk about, the more we’ll learn we have more to say than we normally think we do. I look forward to your contributions and thank you for your attention. SexuallySagacious. and loving life! |
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i tried it and i liked it .... a lot !! Finding safe partners is the hardest part these days.
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