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Friday's Funnies
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Friday's Funnies These are from a book called Disorder in the Canadian Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What<b> gear </font></b>were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No , I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do.. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes , voodoo. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest , the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral... _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. |
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A husband is walking behind his Wife , and says, "Baby you've become so fat...your bums look like a washing machine!!'' The wife keeps quiet and keeps walking... At night the husband asks for sex.. Wife says "Sorry Darling.. I won't start the washing machine for such a small load !! Why don't you do a hand wash! "
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Thank you Missing you!!! All of these made me laugh so hard! Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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My sides hurt!! I haven't laughed this hard in weeks. Thank you so VERY much (Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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Well P, don't they always say what is, or could be "true", is the funniest?! And your "Funny" in your first comment - naughty you!  Yep, all of em did put a huge smile on my face! Thank you!  ..... And always 'hold onto all those sexy thoughts'! (Remember if you feel like taking part in some sexy fun then click here!) Come on Some Sketch Fun And Now How About 39Me39 Watching 39You39 If you39d like that Please Comment - So if you would like - click here as well!
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far too funny today ... ty for the laugh! hugsss V Great to see you again! Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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