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Perpetual Effort (BDSM Topic re D/s & M/s)
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Perpetual Effort (BDSM Topic re D/s & M/s) NOTE: This is primarily BDSM related; however the trends discussed in the relationships often relate to non-BDSM folks too; so it's up to you whether or not you want to read it. --------------------------------------- I read a lot and across many genres. Lately it's either manga or mainstream fiction but both usually are based with themes erotic romances. One book was the not so typical tale of a black woman and a white man meet (via an accident). The white man being a Dominant, decides he wants the black woman, and OMG he actually thinks about how he can show he is interested in her for who she is on the inside. He woos her by showing he can be a gentle man, not by how dirty he can talk (though he does that well) but by how he gives her attention, leads the situation, and he constantly sustains his efforts in courting (not chasing) her. What a fucking<b> wet dream. </font></b>I realize maybe the world population of men only have maybe 15% of this type of male Dominant now. Yeah I am just throwing that out but I'm tired of tip toeing around delicate dominant egos. What I do strongly suspect is that romance is deader than dead. The reality is these stories are read by women, and yes probably submissive women, who long for the romantic Dominant who gives a fuck about who she is as a person. Now days there's a lot of "oh i will never love you but i don't mind using you until I find the one i love." And a number of women accept this and thus it has become a standard where submissive women must throw themselves at a Dominant to get their attention, show the Dominant that they want to be in their service, and the Dominant decides if he's ego is stroked enough and that he's secure enough to know if he does or doesn't want this submissive. The question that always slithering through my mind is why? First while I honestly would love to say i don't care what other people do in their relationships, the truth is how other people set trends in their lifestyle affect how those who come later have to wade through it. When numerous submissive women say "I'm ok with being used until you find someone you can love," that sets a standard for more Dominant men to assume its ok to use a submissive without love. What's worse is it sets a standard where people start thinking a submissive who won't play without love (or hell just some unconditional friendship/caring) has some defect and worse people fling around the idea that they are just fake. I'm tired of explaining myself, writing narrative after narrative, and guys still not getting a fucking clue. Not all women are the same. Just as I know not all men are the same (even if I get hit with the same shit from men constantly - i'm not looking for them they just crawl out from the woodworks). So where does perpetual effort come in with these scattered thoughts? I base my views on my experiences, so i always go with the disclaimer that it's my opinion and you can take it or leave it. What I have experienced is being approached by a few types of men but outside of the assholes, it's usually either guys that think they are dominant but want me to use my ESP to see it and also realize they are interested in me or guys who come on super strong showing they are interested then two days later flatline. Emotional roller coasters in both situations. Where are the distance runners. The ones who start out showing an interest. The dominants who approach the submissives, ask them out, actually meet them and develop a friendship first. Oh right, that's fiction, because the excuse I always hear is "well with the feminism movement us guys don't know how to approach women - even submissives." I'm so tired of that lame duck excuse. If you're a dominant, then a movement shouldn't affect how you approach life. Still I see there is no real efforts made. I could list out efforts I have made, but then I would be overlapping other writings. What I do know is that I am old fashioned. I prefer the man to be a man and court the woman. Whether its vanilla or kink. I don't know why the courtship of d/s and M/s has been turned around. I understand no one wants to seem like they are that chasing the car, but when did a Dominant asserting his interest in a submissive by taking the lead and courting her become a dirty undesirable weak thing for a Dominant to do? This is only looking at the relationship of Dominant men and submissive females. Thinking on it more (as I start to wake up this morning), perhaps the issue is that the Dom male/sub female dynamic has taking on traits of the old guard which was initially more gear for Dom male / sub male. I can see how a male / male situation would leave it where the submissive must prove themselves to the male Dominant. However that's male/male, without the history of male/female courtship. So perhaps, people are forgetting history by trying to stick too tightly to something not so old. Anyway, my delusions plus my agonies equal my issue to bear. |
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