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I miss "my" boobs
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I miss "my" boobs October is breast cancer awareness month. It's widely known that 1 in 8 women will develop invasive breast cancer in their lifetime. I am one such woman. I was diagnosed in August 2017. Following that fateful call from my GP, my life became a whirlwind of tests, procedures, biopsies, more tests, more biopsies, surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments for 6 solid months. I took a leave of absence from work, ended up in the ER three times during my treatments, lost all my hair, was tired and just plain hurting more than I can put into words, and cried more times than I can count. I hate to say that what I now know about breast cancer and all its treatments is more than I ever thought was humanly possible. It was seriously weird focusing entirely on one thing, including myself, for such a long time, but you gotta do what you gotta do. People who know me know that I wouldn't take this without a big fucking fight, which was of course what I did. And now, over a year later and with all my heavy hitting treatments behind me, I am now nearly 8 months into a 5 year long-term chemotherapy treatment regimen. Basically I take a pill every day. It took me a long time to share this information outside of my family and very close friends, and I mostly did it when I did because of breast cancer awareness month. The same is true here. I had only told one close friend from FriendFinder-x when I was diagnosed, and maybe 3 other FriendFinder-x friends a few months later. Only a few people have seen my treated breast. I miss my old boobs. One which is untreated/no cancer still looks the same of course. The other is just not. Scars from my surgery. Permanently darker/tanned from my radiation. A clear divot on one side from the lump the surgeon removed. And while it's not that significant compared to what I know other women have had to endure, it is sometimes more than I can deal with so I block it out of my mind and try my damndest to think of something else. This approach is sometimes not as successful as other times. It's petty in the grand scheme of things, I know. But I miss my boobs. I miss them being the same. I miss them being mine. One feels like it's not MY boob anymore, if that makes any sense. I've been thinking about fat injections to fill out the divot in an attempt to get it more like what I remember my boob to be. I think that's the part that bothers me the most. Or maybe a tattoo there to disguise it all. I'm not sure... I just miss my boob. To all my girls out there, please check yourself regularly and if you're due get a mammogram soon. Your boobs may indeed try to kill you, but you don't have to let them win. Cancer can suck it. A pic I took today.  |
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10/9/2018 8:23 am |
Love and peace!
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I support you! My wife had a scare last month. If it affects you now or never support breast/prostate cancer research. Chances are It will touch you or a family member at some point. A One month subscription to FriendFinder-x Gold donated would do better for all of us!
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Wow, what an experience. A good in-person friend of mine survived breast cancer too. She didn't talk about the breast feelings you mentioned, but I'm sure she had them. Her big concerns were about how to pay for treatment, and afford the loss of her income that might result from medical leave. Other friends helped with that by lending her their house during a year-long international work assignment -- very generous, given what they probably could have leased out their house for. That was probably a big part of keeping them out of medical financial ruin. Her husband asked people to make her caps for when she lost her hair (which is growing back now). I made her a fleece hat with a Flying Spaghetti Monster on top, since they're atheists and have a sense of humor about it. I don't know how well it fit, but she had a great big smile on her face in the photo she shared with the cap.
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