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| Blogs > CaptainDilfCT > The Adventures of Cap'n Crazy! |
The BIG Question
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The BIG Question ***WARNING*** This post is about to get existentially philosophical. Not everyone is going to be ready for this. If you haven't had enough caffeine, are maxed out on intricate thinking processes and don't wish to overload your brain, or just plain ole don't give a rat's ass, I will advise you to click the back button on your web browser. If not, I will advise you to proceed with caution. Let us begin. Yea, I've been contemplating the big question again. Which question is that? you ask? Why am I here? On this site. In this house. This town. This state. Country. Planet. WHY? I realize that this question keeps coming into my head because the answer is constantly changing. In school, I figured out that I was there because I was supposed to be the guy that made people laugh while helping them achieve better grades. Notice I said help, not do the work for them. I would never do that, even in the face of bodily harm. I found it better to help them find the answers they already knew. Teach a man to fish kind of thing. When I was married, I thought I was there to rescue my wife from the endless cycle of bad relationships she had fallen into. I thought I was supposed to help her find that which she had been searching for since her childhood: a loving family. I thought I was there to love her, care for her, and protect her. Guess I got that one wrong, now didn't I? I know what some people are thinking. I'm being too hard on myself. That she is mostly to blame for what I am now. She isn't. Her biological family is. And yes, I am being hard on myself. Always have been, always will be. Never gonna change. So now I wonder: Why am I here? To be a parent to my . Thank you, Captain Obvious. I know that much. But I feel like it's not enough. Like, there is another reason why I am here. Am I making any sense here, or have I finally toppled over the edge of the cliff known as sanity? There is thought, lingering at the back of my mind. Peeking out from the shadows every once in awhile, taunting me. And you know what it's telling me? You aren't done. I still have things to do. I haven't finished making an impact on the world around me. Maybe this isn't how my life is going to play out. I was starting to think that I was going be a sad, lonely single dad from here on out. I could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. This could just be a little pause in between major chapters. I obviously had to learn some things. And learn them the hard way. I guess I should thank my ex for that. She won't understand, but she did teach me a few things. So the next time life throws someone at me, I'll get everything right. So why am I here? I'm waiting. Waiting for anyone who needs something in their life that I have. Maybe it's a laugh. Maybe it's a different perspective. Maybe it's a<b> quickie </font></b>in the backseat of a Dodge Charger behind the 7-11. Who knows? But I'm here. Of course, none of this explains why I joined Horny.net. I have no insights on that one... I'm done, for now. I know it's a lot to take in. It was a lot to type at nearly midnight after the most boring work day ever. I know I'm not completely crazy. And I don't think I was bitching about things here. But I needed to get this thought out of my head so I can focus on more important things. Like if Disney animated movies included sex scenes. Speak the Truth, or make your peace some other way Follow CaptainDilfCT Superhero or pirate? You decide Sorry, I Was Thinking Again |
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You can always ask psychics why you're here  Or, oddly enough, have psychic people get hit so strongly with an impression as they see you walking past that they have to stop and tell you about it. Wish they'd just tell me the winning lotto numbers lol. "I see you standing there and a long line of children are passing in front of you, and you reach out as they pass and bless them with wisdom and knowledge and, because of you, they grow into the best they can be". Beautiful but a bit confusing as there are no children in my life at all.
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I always ask that too. My life seems so unimportant and I have nothing to really live for. I wonder what is my purpose? It's a question that won't get answered till we die most likely. I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless!
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sometimes we are here for reasons that may never really be clear. there is always a purpose to why something does or doesn't happen. we all have an impact to make, some kind of legacy to leave behind. i think you're very right, you are not done. there is still so much to do with your life. you may find at first that those things will revolve around your children, but that may likely be because they are your main focus, your main driving force in the here and now. but that is not all you are, now or ever. there will be things/people/events/ that cross your path that will not only give you that "reason" for being there, but as you're leaving an impact somewhere, that something is also leaving an impact on you. after all, you can't make a mark somewhere without some kind of change also happening with you.
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