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The Sixteenth Virtual Symposium Freinds with Benefits
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The Sixteenth Virtual Symposium Freinds with Benefits Friends How many of us have them? Friends Ones we can depend on Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, lets be Friends The lyrics from the song “Friends”, by Whodini… a song that has been sampled almost all much as James Brown. This post is my contribution to the virtual symposium, edition # 16, which has been organized by humorlife. A list of other participants in this symposium can be found at Participants List For The Sixteenth Virtual Symposium Friends With Benefits. If you have blogged long enough, you have no doubt read or written a post, or 10 about Friends with Benefits (FW  . I have… so I thought I would recycle one my early post, and add a little something at the end. So, to the earlier post…What exactly is Friends With Benefits?  It seems everyone has a completely different idea of the concept of “Friends With Benefits” (FW . I always understood the concept of FWB as friends, who have a non-romantic casual sexual relationship. But judging from lots of blogs and a group post, there is no consensus on the meaning of the definition of the term FWB.One blog demonstrates that some believe FWB means hanging out at someone’s place naked, and never doing the other social things that friends do together. Other definitions seem to be based on friendship, but then start imposing hard head count caps on the number of active FWBs you can have, limiting the number to 3 or less, or just 1. FWB is based on the concept of friendship, isn’t it? Should it not encompass all the regular activities we do with our non-sexual friends, dinner (in and out), movies (in and out), sporting events, concerts, visiting art galleries and museums, going to the “Everything to do with Sex Show”, etc., and meeting your other friends and family (yes, I when there). For the sake of reaching a consensus on the definition of FWB, let’s not bring the desire to go bareback and the risks of multiple partners into the picture. Since I think most of us don't put hard head count caps on the number of friends we have, and the concept of FWB as I understand it is routed in the word “friend”, should hard head counts or exclusivity ever be part of the deal. When you put a hard head count, especially if it is exclusive, isn’t that more like a monogamous vanilla relationship? And if you don’t do the normal things friends do, you just meet, fuck and leave, isn’t that defined by the term Fuck Buddy? What do you think, without getting into specific types of relationship(s) you are looking for, how should the term FWB be defined? You have an opinion, so please voice it. __________________________________________________________________________________ Fast forward a few years, and I think I have a little better understanding of why there is such a variety of interpretations on the concept of friends with benefits. The interpretations are so varied because people have different interpretations of the concept of friends. The lyrics of the Whodini song touch on the complexities and variations on the concept of “friends”; (I will post the lyrics at the end of the post so you can inspect them). But where to jump into this… how about the dictionary definition: 1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony. 3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe? 4. a member of the same nation, party, etc. 5. a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker. 6. a person associated with another as a contact on a social-media website: For a lot of us, the description of friends in my original post will suffice, but many cling to alternate definitions. There are some, we’ll call these people “control freaks”, they have a list of rules about friendship. We can only be friends if you: like the same things I like; dislike the same things or people I dislike; belong to the same club(s); grew-up or live in the place(s) I find acceptable; the list goes on and on… if you try to deviate from the chosen path, they try to rein you back in, or unfriend you. There are some who call any and all acquaintances, “friends”. Then there are those who like to compartmentalize “friendship” relationships. They got their work friends, the church friends, the childhood friends, etc… and just like in Ghostbusters, don’t ever cross the streams, because bad things will happen. Under no circumstances do they want different parts of their lives intersecting. Then there are those who see friendship as more of a co-operative non-aggression pact. There are those who categorize the levels of friendship. Best friend, close friend, activity friend, casual friend, etc.; and looking back at the first dictionary definition, they assigned different levels of “affection and personal regard” to each category. It near impossible to have an all-inclusive definition Friends with Benefits, since we can’t even agree completely on what constitutes a friend. Then, of course there is always the debate on how, (monogamously or poly), and when the benefits will be extended. If your kinks lean towards bi-sexuality, 3-somes, 4-somes, more-somes, gangbangs… it’s kind of impossible to be monogamous. I think the trick of this whole debacle, it to try and find someone who has the same definition and understanding of FWB, instead of battling over which definition is the correct one. Whodini - "Friends" lyrics Friends How many of us have them? Friends Ones we can depend on Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, lets be Friends Is a word we use everyday Most the time we use it in the wrong way Now you can look the word up, again and again But the dictionary doesn't know the meaning of friends And if you ask me, you know, I couldn’t be much help Because a friend is somebody you judge for yourself Some are ok, and they treat you real cool But some mistake kindness for being a fool We like to be with some, because they're funny Others come around when they need some money Some you grew up with, around the way And you're still real close too this very day Homeboys through the Summer, Winter, Spring and Fall And then there's some we wish we never knew at all And this list goes on, again and again But these are the people that we call friends When we first went out together, we barely knew each other We had no intentions, on becoming lovers But in no time at all, you became my girl Me and you, one on one, against the world Talkin on the telephone for hours at a time Or else I was at your house, or you was at mine Then came the arguements and all kinds of problems Besides making love, we had nothing in common It couldnt last long because it started out strong But I guess we went about the whole thing wrong Cause out of nowhere it just came to an end Because we became lovers before we were friends Friends How many of us have them? Friends Ones we can depend on Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, let's be Friends You say you and your girlfriend were so tight You took her out with you and your guy one night She even had a set of keys to your home And you shared mostly everything you owned But as she shook your hand, she stole your man And it was done so swift, it had to be a plan Couldn't trust her with cheese, let alone your keys With friends like that you don't need enemies You wonder how long it was all going on And your still not sure if your man is gone You say, well if she took him he was never mine But deep inside you know that's just another lie And now you're kinda cold to the people you meet Cause of something that was done to you by some creep But nevertheless, I'll say it again That these are the people that we call friends Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, lets be Friends Friends How many of us have them? Friends One's we can depend on Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, lets be Friends Friends How many of us have them? Friends One's we can depend on Friends How many of us have them? Friends Before we go any further, lets be Friends Find pleasure in giving pleasure |
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communication and understanding go a long ways!
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communication and understanding go a long ways! Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Do you friends mix/overlaps Red? Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Friends do come in various intensities and flavors from very close to love them but in small doses. I agree that a FWB should include most other activities of a friend besides sex and if they don't what you have is a Fuck Buddy. I have a FWB now and have had one before. One rule that helps is if you both know it won't be more and more important why. Else it can get very messy. If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin." I always behave. Preferably not well. 
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Good description on types of friendships; no wonder so many different definitions of FWB exists. Perhaps we need to be in agreement with the level of friendship first before trying to bring sex or sexual kinks into the mix. Good post, thank you.
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Friends do come in various intensities and flavors from very close to love them but in small doses. I agree that a FWB should include most other activities of a friend besides sex and if they don't what you have is a Fuck Buddy. I have a FWB now and have had one before. One rule that helps is if you both know it won't be more and more important why. Else it can get very messy. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Good description on types of friendships; no wonder so many different definitions of FWB exists. Perhaps we need to be in agreement with the level of friendship first before trying to bring sex or sexual kinks into the mix. Good post, thank you. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Thanks Sis Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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It's an often debated topic, so mixed feeling are not unexpected. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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A masterful post!  I'm a little unsure of the precise meaning of friendship with benefits but, provided both FWB parties are happy, then I'm happy to accept that meaning!  
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A masterful post! I'm a little unsure of the precise meaning of friendship with benefits but, provided both FWB parties are happy, then I'm happy to accept that meaning! Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I'm one of those people that calls almost everyone a friend but also uses categories. I have my best friend, my close girl friends, my close guy friends, my casual friends... Sometimes I even go so far as to say that person is an acquaintance and not a friend per se. This was a good contra position of how you used to feel versus how you feel about the term now. Good post! Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I'm one of those people that calls almost everyone a friend but also uses categories. I have my best friend, my close girl friends, my close guy friends, my casual friends... Sometimes I even go so far as to say that person is an acquaintance and not a friend per se. This was a good contra position of how you used to feel versus how you feel about the term now. Good post! Kitkat Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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a FWB relationship has to be defined by the friends in question! I agree...it can be more or less. It involves emotions and honesty! Thanks for your ideas! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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Awesome post! Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Bonjour Khu 4 expression française Il ne faut pas tortiller du cul pour chier droit couper les cheuveux en quatre Chercher la petite bête Chercher des poux sur la tête d'un chauve Voilà pourquoi je ne comprends pas BWF ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Khu 4 French-speaking Do not wiggle ass to shit right Hair cut in four Split hairs Search lice on the head of a bald That's why I do not understand BWF ♥ Kisses ♥ Annie♥
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a FWB relationship has to be defined by the friends in question! I agree...it can be more or less. It involves emotions and honesty! Thanks for your ideas! Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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As many people, I have best friends, close friends, casual friends and acquaintances. All depends on level of closeness. FWB, just as any other label, is tricky. Everyone interprets it from their own angle. There will be no consensus, ever. And that is why people need to discuss and clarify all desires and expectations before entering into any arrangement/relationship that has to do with sex. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Yeap... is an opinion poll, were only 2 opinions matter. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Bonjour Khu 4 expression française Il ne faut pas tortiller du cul pour chier droit couper les cheuveux en quatre Chercher la petite bête Chercher des poux sur la tête d'un chauve Voilà pourquoi je ne comprends pas BWF ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Khu 4 French-speaking Do not wiggle ass to shit right Hair cut in four Split hairs Search lice on the head of a bald That's why I do not understand BWF ♥ Kisses ♥ Annie♥ Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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As many people, I have best friends, close friends, casual friends and acquaintances. All depends on level of closeness. FWB, just as any other label, is tricky. Everyone interprets it from their own angle. There will be no consensus, ever. And that is why people need to discuss and clarify all desires and expectations before entering into any arrangement/relationship that has to do with sex. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Love your post here KHU.. Well done! I have read your blog and recycling posts are always good.. Song is awesome too.. hugsssssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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Fun read. It is most certainly a great perspective on the subject. Very well thought out too. I completely agree that if you are going to call it friends with benefits there should be some level of connection.
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