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Is this girl setting a trap for me?
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Is this girl setting a trap for me? I think I am cursed! In the last couple years strange force is surrounding me, and it seems that all women I begin to be attracted to, they want me, but they want me around in a form of a third party relationship! Usually I am just an emotional filler, delivering the remainder of what their men can never achieve, and I fill in the romantic blanks from the side. Sometimes I enjoy it, and do it quite willingly, happy to see the relationship at hand prosper, but at times, it comes from a source of a woman that I lust after and in that case it becomes a difficult task. This is exactly what happened to me in Switzerland, and in that case I had an opportunity to develop a threesome relationship (and a choice of potential two candidates to pick from! Crazy!) but I axed it instantly from the start, so it was never brought up again. I have experienced it with the couple I recently travelled with and talked about in my past blogs (although that has evolved strangely, in the end I had entered that relationship as a very close companion, we spent lots of time naked, she has been inviting me to visit her in a different country while they are now separated, and with him we openly joked that we should enter a threesome relationship as that would be the healthiest option for their coexistence, and I am not sure to this day if he was joking or not. She is beautiful, and I would obviously want her, but have so far rebuffed her on account of him. He is a friend and will respect that boundary, until I receive a blessing from him. However, her and I have discussed moving to Asia together and he knows about it. You can read about them in these posts: Bondage of self righteous possession, Cosmic gift of sex, Canary Islands Nudist Paradise). Well, it is happening all over again with another girl, and this time it is my niece’s ex-girlfriend (I have previously blogged about her in Stepping into lesbian world, Tears for Valentines, Women's gossip to an extreme). After that traumatic ending to that relationship over a year ago, she is now back into men’s world and when single, we flirt a lot. Actually, even when in relationship, we flirt a lot, and our messages increasingly have undertone of love in them. I will add, that in all of these instances, I do receive tremendous amount of love from these women. But this is getting complicated and confusing! And it starts to remind me of the girl in Switzerland, not knowing what she wants, but afraid to commit to make a move (pas posts about her are Falling in love again and again, Muse Strikes Back, Bittersweet goodbye). I can sense building of love from her for me, from the way she can interact, small little signs how she accents her messages, to more pronounced effects, like the way she introduces me to her friends, or how, probably without fully being aware of it, she brags about what kind of man I am, and what I do. So, long time ago, in a brief moment, in the most casual manner she has offered me to move in with her in Warsaw. Yep, giant leap forward, massive decision, completely out of nowhere and she sprung that on me in the middle of a conversation in most trivial manner possible, and instantly going with the flow of whatever else we were up to already. Hmmm. I didn’t respond then, and that is because I was already committed to moving in with the girl in Switzerland, and wanted that more. Oh, by the way, Switzerland wants me back and is on my case to move back with her, but this time around I refused. I actually so want to, would want it more than anything in the world, as she is the love of my life, but I do not want the conditions I was subjected to in the past. I was punished for something, and punished severely, and a time has to come where you need to say, sorry girl, I can do everything for you, but it needs to be done in atmosphere of love, care, and respect. By the way, she just responded at this moment to my refusal, but I have not seen it. I know I will pour love in her direction though because she is probably suffering to some degree. Well, naturally the Warsaw girl must have been hurt by that and quickly moved on, and found herself in a new relationship. After Switzerland, I somehow regretted it, but I focused on cheering her on in her relationship. Since then we revived our friendship, and ever since she found out I am planning to move to Asia, she went nuts. She wants to move with me (yes, there are now two women who want to tag along, but I am not counting on either, and I told them so, just as I did that they both want it. Warsaw girl is for the extra company. The more the merrier she says), and over that issue, there were two attempts of breaking up with her boyfriend, and my offer has been repeated to move in together. So today I am moving in with her, but I just found out yesterday, yep, she is back with her boyfriend! Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, and I want to support them, even if it means I won't have access to her (I probably won’t resist flirting with her, and she knows it), and I wonder what is going on. Is this a repeat of me providing emotional fill to a girl who needs two men just to be complete? At first I thought, well, what's the point, cancel this, but then I considered, well, I have already gone through all of this, and at least this time I do not need to be in position of jealousy (because I did not consider her to be my life partner unlike the girl in Switzerland), and I know what to expect. I need to be in another city in a month so that could be my exit point. In the meantime, I can enjoy the presence of this beautiful girl, have fun flirting, and at the same time actually try helping their convoluted relationship. But it could be more to it than just that! Could this be a ploy for her to use me to end a relationship with him? She perhaps cannot muster enough will power to end the<b> ties </font></b>of affection or attachment and needs a third party to shear those bonds? I have been in that situation once before, and I already know that I do not want to be play that role either. The girl has to end the relationship of her own accord, otherwise there cannot be a successful start to a new one.  And then there is a third option, and that is that she, like I the girl in Switzerland hinted (and that is only as far as that went), she might want to have two men in a relationship at a same time, in a threesome. That could be my delusional fantasies of sort, there are many signs too that she is not pursuing me either, as she provides the signs of growing attachment of affection. But then she does know of my past to a degree, and she knows I had multiple MFM encounters, and that I am very comfortable with that. In fact, in the past I told her that if she ever has an opportunity, she should go for it because in those instances when the girl didn’t know it was coming and suddenly found herself in one (yes, I had those too), I told her, these girls were absolutely elated to have the experience, and that was actually part of the huge turn on to participate in one, seeing her being so happy in her ecstasy. One thing I know for sure, that by the end of the month we will either not want to ever live together again, or she will not want me to move out! Her boyfriend better be ready to know what kind of standard he is about to live up to! I will let you know what happens, but for now, I am excited to be around this beautiful woman, and I told her that. When she asked when am I coming, I told her plainly, for you girl, consider it yesterday! Haha, that was yesterday!  |
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