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| Blogs > ima_goodgrl > My Dreams or yours? |
What's a girl to do...
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What's a girl to do... I'm a good girl, with a good job, a car and my own house. People tend to view me as sweet, perhaps innocent, occasionally nerdy and definitely a bit quirky as evidence by my love for my dogs. People tend to watch their language around me and tone down their behavior, presumably for fear of offending me. I want to have a wholesome and respectable image at work, with my friends and in public in general. The problem, my dilemma, is more of who I'd rather be when the bedroom door closes behind me. I was married for 14 years, where we mostly were not having sex at all and prior to that I had a few boyfriends, but they've always been so gentle and tender and, well, loving, with me in the bedroom. Which I can't say is a bad thing... I do like to be a princess and be spoiled. If a man wants to lavish me with attention and caresses and kisses, there's not really anything wrong with that. It's that I know I need something else too. Something that nice girls can't ask for. Something that nice guys would never think of doing to a nice girl like me. I love sex and have orgasms relatively easily. I love to go down on a man and have him do the same for me. It's all good. My real problem is that sometimes, I don't want it to be nice or tender or affectionate. Sometimes I just want to be fucked. I want a man to grab me, shove his cock into me and hammer away relentlessly, totally disregarding my pleasure, simply using me for his. That in itself isn't an easy one to bring up. I don't want to be judged by him or thought of as a slut, at least not outside of the bedroom. Nice girls aren't supposed to want things like this, so it would seem like there's something wrong with me, right? But that's not even the whole story. There's more to this than just wanting to wake up the next morning feeling sore down there; feeling ravaged. I have lots of fantasies that spring from the same premise: a man using me for his pleasure. Completely. I fantasize about being tied up, helpless, at his mercy. Sometimes it's spread eagle on the bed, other times it's on my knees with my wrists bound behind me. And more elaborate things too. The common theme is that I'm powerless. He can do whatever he wants to me and there's nothing I can do to stop him. I'm his pleasure toy. I also want to feel the stinging pain of his hand across my ass or the sharp stab from his fingers pinching my nipples. Or the burn in my scalp from him tugging roughly on my hair. Or the crack of a belt across the backs of my thighs. Yes, I know there are labels for this, but I don't really want to be labeled "submissive." (and BDSM is totally beyond the pale). Even if "submissive" happens to be an accurate label, it's too at odds with who I am outside of the bedroom. So the real issue here is that I'm a respectable girl. And I would never date a man who wasn't respectful of me, who didn't treat me like a lady, who didn't shower me with love and affection. But I want all this other stuff too and I don't know how to get it from the nice guys that I invariably date. They don't want to take charge or be demanding and forceful. I need a fucking caveman once in a while and the guys I date are just too considerate. I want to come home to a man that occasionally gives me that look, the one that tells me we're "on." And on the heels of that look, he pulls me to him, takes a rough kiss from me, turns me around and ties my hands behind my back before spinning me back around and forcing me to my knees in front of him. He's a man who will pull out his cock and stuff it into my mouth, whether I want it or not. I want to walk in the door thinking I'll be telling him all about what happened to me at work and the next thing I know, I can't talk at all because he's shoving his thick cock all the way to the back of my throat until I'm nearly gagging. Yes, I dream of being on my knees in front of that man. Oh, how fucking wet my pussy gets just thinking about the way he would grab me by the head or hair and pump his cock in and out between my lips, fucking my face. I could have drool pouring out the corners of my mouth, running down my chin that I can't wipe away because my hands are bound. The same with the tears streaming from my eyes. And he totally wouldn't care... he'd just keep grunting and thrusting his cock into my mouth because that's what he wants to do. My pussy is wet and tingly just thinking about it. Maybe he'd say things to me that would make it dirtier, naughtier, sexier too. Ask me if I want his cum for my dinner (which I totally would, btw) or ask if my coworkers would suspect how wet I get when he fucks my throat. Something evil and mind-fuckingly hot like that. Because I'm a good girl and things like that shouldn't turn me on. So when he says them and they do turn me on, I feel like such a dirty little slut. So many things I want. Maybe I'll save those for another post. One extreme fantasy is that he will tell me that a few of his friends are coming over to watch the game tonight. And if I make him a nice dinner, he'll tell me suck their cocks and let them spray their cum on my face and on my breasts and down my throat. The mere suggestion starts the wetness flowing between my legs again. That shouldn't turn me on, should it? But it does and I want, I want it. All of it. So you see my dilemma, right? There's this side to me that no one really knows about. A side that has powerful wants, desires and needs. But being the proper lady I am, I can't easily talk about them except on here. And the men I attract and am attracted to are men who would never do anything like that on their own. They don't have that selfish, dominant streak that could use me the way I need to be used. So what's a girl to do?? I am a good girl.... |
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Communicate.... Ask for what you want then take what you need. You may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome
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Labels are always an inadequate shorthand, but I think you misunderstand what "submissive" means. There are many sexually submissive women (and men) who are powerful outside of the bedroom (or parking garage or wherever they happen to be getting fucked.) The male CEO who visits the pro domme is a classic stereotype, but for both men and women it's not uncommon for their bedroom persona to be diametrically opposed to their public persona. There is another possibility you may want to consider though -- getting yourself a service top who you can command to ravage you the way you want/need to be ravaged. It's a quite different power dynamic, but may be a better fit, depending on how you're wired. The other thing to consider is the difference between fantasy and reality. Some fantasies are less fun in real life. Of course, real life attempts to implement other fantasies can be the beginning of an unimaginable journey. It's hard to tell which will be which beforehand...
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I'm headed to Boston next week and need an outlet.. Let me know if you can help me 
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