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Blogs > Sexyolfarts > My Blog

Fear of Rejection  

Sexyolfarts 74M/78F  
21 posts
12/22/2014 7:54 am
Fear of Rejection

I'm getting better....but still have a long way to go. Getting involved in the BDSM lifestyle has helped tremendously. I don't always worry about the extra rolls of fat that I can't seem to shed; well, sometimes when standing naked in<b> chains. </font></b>I've had some of my male friends tell me over and over that nobody is looking at the fat when my nakedness shows my quivering breasts and a damp pussy. But I can still remember how it was when I first started swinging. I would sit at the bar, either with my hubby or friends. I was the oldest woman there, and my self esteem was almost non existant at that point. Yes, a lot of the women were just as heavy as I was. But they weren't as old as me and they didn't walk with a cane as I did. And the men naturally navigated to the younger women. The longer I sat there the lower my spirits would sink. Part of me wanted to leave so I wouldn't have to feel the rejection. The other part of me wanted to stay because MAYBE someone would ask me to play. My hubby would urge me to go ask someone to play....but I couldn't. I would put one foot on the floor and no way could I put that other foot down and walk over to one of the men sitting around the room. What if I actually got up the courage to ask and they said no. That few feet back to my bar stool would seem like a mile knowing that others had seen me get rejected. Seems silly when I look back and realize that I had never been rejected - but of course I had never asked. I would go home after a swing party and my mood would border on depression....my thoughts being that I was not desireable. Yet I had men I had been seeing sexually for a couple years and they kept coming back. So didn't I have to be desireable sexually to them? Maybe this is where the start of wanting to feel pain came in. Maybe this also is part of why I feel so totally submissive. All these maybe's and I still don't know what makes me what I am today. I still have these feelings of not totally belonging. Some day MAYBE I will find just where I fit......maybe.

chuckminn2 73M
139 posts
1/2/2015 8:02 am

 Well I would have been asking you to play. You are one foxy lady.
Chuck


bill_e_2 79M
Ask me for a photo
853 posts
2/23/2015 3:55 am

 You would never have to fear rejection from me. I think you are a sexy lady amd would love to play with you.


BIGGUY80002 64M  
125 posts
3/16/2015 8:23 pm

 my sexy Kathie, i hope to one day play with you, your a great friend...


crevicelicker 74M
102 posts
11/1/2015 11:10 am

 I don't know where you were but when it comes to Sexy overweight saggy tits don't matter it's what the mind feels.I would have been one of the first to ask you or accept your invitation.


sonnny49 92M
Ask me for a photo

8/4/2017 6:28 am

 you are a gorgeous desirable lady Hon{=}


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