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| Blogs > CynicusMaximus > Hooct Un Foniks Wurct For Me |
Tetanus Fun Land
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Tetanus Fun Land I woke up way too early in the morning, because I have an asshole cat. I have already sat around watching cartoons, I ate a bowl of cereal and have reminded myself that I am not 9 years old anymore and it's not Saturday. My mind digressed this morning back to when I was 19 years old and had not flunked out of art school yet. A friend of mine wanted to go apply for a job and he took me along just for the ride. This was a job as a carnival rider operator at a park on the bad side of town on the weekends. The lot was a gravel filled open space with a few older carnival rides including a roller coaster, bumper cars, ferris wheel and an assortment of kiddie sized rides that were designed with questionable sharp edges. I did not go to apply for the job, but somehow I got the job and my friend did not. After the five minute safety orientation I was introduced to the work staff. A motley crew of parolees and pirates that all showed me how to stay out of trouble. I was set on the car ride. Five cars set on a round track with one green button and one red button, simple enough. The catch though, the torque on the motor was so hard, that when you started the ride, all of the cars jerked forward violently leaving every to<b> bang </font></b>their heads on the head rests. Even adults that were sitting with their would have their heads violently wrenched back like they got rear ended by an 18 wheeler. Sometimes, I would wait for the families to get ready to take their pictures, then hit the start button as soon as they snapped the picture in the hopes that they would capture that moment the jolt hits them all. I was removed from the ride later that day because I was doubled over with laughter I was pulled into the inner circle at that moment with the workers. Warned not to eat the corn dogs I got the full tour. There was a Haunted House ride that was basically three carts on a track that took on a darkened tour of some mannequins with halloween masks. They kept a boxer's glove inside of the ride so you could hide behind a black curtain and sucker punch some random guy as they got close to an exhibit near the end. You could tell who got it by the confused look and messed up hair. We had a guy who would come out from behind the ferris wheel with a giant wrench and ask the crowd if it was Right Tightey and Lefty Loosey just as the green button was pushed. The roller coaster was another jolt machine that had a turn so sharp that you felt like you were going to roll out of the seat. I worked there for two weekends, then my 95 dollar pay check bounced and I didn't bother showing up the following week. |
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Just how jealous was your friend who didn't get that job?! I think your asshole cat deserves a treat for giving us this fun story. 🐟 Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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