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The Oddyttey
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The Oddyttey Odd Then, Fantastic Now Is The Topic For The Sixth Virtual Symposium The Oddyttey, by Bill My own adventures do not strictly parallel those of Odysseus. However, taking the broad view, all our lives are something of an Odyssey, and I don't think Homer would mind us thinking this way. In fact, I think he'd be quite pleased that the universal theme of his poem had weathered these last two thousand seven hundred years and are still relevant today. Indeed, being Greek, he would most likely claim to have invented those themes. "Remember you! You heard it here first!" Do you know any Greeks? They not only claim the credit for inventing sodomy, but for sex and tragedy altogether, as well as democracy and the architecture of western civilization. Strictly speaking, Homer would be right. The Odyssey is one of the oldest surviving epics in western culture, and is often seen as a sequel to the Iliad, the tale of the Troian War. Of more than passing curiousity to me is that the psychologist Julian Jaynes ("The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind") has pointed out that the Iliad and the Odyssey reveal a difference in perception by the poets who composed them. His claim is that what we call consciuosness, which he defines as awareness of awareness, is a relatively recent development in human history, and that it occurred between two and three thouand years ago. The ability to conceive of metaphor, to perceive that one thing is "like" another thing, although not identical, and not the same thing, is fundamental. We became able to make abstract comparisons in our minds. We became able to think about thinking and have beliefs about beliefs. It is Jaynes contention that the poet of the Iliad did not have this capacity, but Homer, as demonstrated in "The Odyssey", did. There is an odyssey in this transition as well, and this does parallel the change in my own thinking. When I was a , I spake as a , I understood as a , I thought as a : but when I became a man, I put away childish things. I was as childish as anyone else. I think possessiveness and greed come naturally to us. Most are not like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. The ones I knew were like the of South Park. We need to have those things civilized out of us, and some take to it more readily than others. But you can learn bad behavior too. We learn it from our families and our peers. If you can learn bad behavior, you can unlearn it. This isn't just theoretical- we can do it. I did it. When I was a I overheard my mom bitching to my dad about my sister and how mean she sometimes was. It made sense to me! But my mom surprised me by saying that I on the other hand didn't have a greedy bone in my body- that I'd give the shirt off my back to anyone. This didn't pump me up anywhere near what you might think. I just kind of thought.."Well, yeah." I was a . I took insults and compliments equally in stride, not that I got a hell of a lot of compliments. One behavior that I learned in time was jealousy and possessiveness. I don't think I ever really took the lesson to heart, but I learned that certain kinds of behavior in girls was not to be tolerated and that men exacted retribution. It never really made any sense to me. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, right? But I was taught how a man should react when slighted by a woman or when she proved faithless. I could never really pull it off, and I figured I was deficient somehow as a man. It isn't that I wasn't hurt- none of us likes learning that he isn't number one, or the one and only. But the anger that accompanies that slight and that jealousy…that never did me any good, and I couldn't keep it going. It was odd then that I tried on that emotion and it didn't fit well. I knew how I was expected to act but I wasn't really feeling it. I was more than willing to move on. In pain or otherwise, there was no going back to the way it was. But harboring a lasting grudge just wasn't in the cards for me. My first two wives made a game out of trying to incur my jealous wrath…and I disappointed them. The games ended my first two marriages, but they were perfunctory endings. I told them each to get lost and helped them pack. No tantrums, no rages, no recriminations. Just get the fuck out, it's over. I wasn't traditionally jealous, even though I knew I was supposed to be. What I was, was angry that someone who claimed to love me would play such games with my love and my feelings. I was odd, and they suspected that I never really loved them. It wasn't the infidelity, girls. It was the games. I've got to have honesty. Is it ironic that both my young wives later claimed that I had ruined them sexually for other men? That no one else could measure up? This infuriated me maybe more than anything else that had transpired. If true, then what the fuck were you doing? Playing games of jealousy and oneupsmanship. They showed me. And so I doubted myself and my wits that I had made such foolish choices. I thought my way out of this. I think that my two wives, in my youth, were not possessed of the same awareness that I was. I noted a distinct inability to conceptualize complex thought…and it ain't that fucking complex. They were reacting, and making bad moves by wrongly predicting my own reactions. Know thine enemy. But of course, this is a part of the problem. Marriage to me is not an adversarial relationship. It was not actually possible to explain what adversarial meant to either of those young women, let alone convey that I did not welcome it in any relationship with…anyone. An act of sexual infidelty is as common as rain. Forget California- I live in Michigan and rain is common here. So is fucking around. Those young women were jealous of any past sexual liassons that I had before I met them, and they were each constrained to conceal their own from me. It occurs to me now as it occurred to me then, that this is setting the fidelity bar a bit high. But we are conditioned to it culturally. We're supposed to remain pure for true love. We are also conditioned to react with jealousy and rage and to exact revenge at evidence of cheating. It took me a while to articulate what matters to me. It isn't that complicated. What matters is how I'm treated. Declarations of undying love are as common as rain too, and they're worth about as much as the paper they're written on. But how do we behave? I love a woman who has my back when it counts. Sex is just sex. We're human and animals and though we have the capacity to think ahead, make plans and carry them through, we fuck those plans up all the time. Anyone can make a mistake, due to loneliness or bereavement or simply to lust and poor judgement- and lust can make for remarkably poor judgement. But does she love me? Is she there for me when I need her to be? Does she not only listen to what I say but does she respect me? Even when she disagrees? Odysseus, upon returning to Ithaca, learned that Penelope had not only been faithful to him but that she had struggled to make secure and safe their Telemachus' claim to Odysseus throne and had held off the many suitors for her hand out of loyalty to her husband and her king. Odysseus then slew the suitors who had been hectoring and badgering his queen. She had his back, and now he took his revenge. I can identify with Odysseus. It was odd then, in the old days, that I tried to fit in a mold that didn't fit me. I tried marriages with women who didn't and never would get me. It's fantastic now not only that I know what I think and am free to express it without being doubted or misunderstood but also that I have found a partner who gets it. This is all academic between us- it's theoretical. We aren't swingers and it has never been an issue. But it's doubly fantastic to be able to lay out my wants and needs and to be understood, and not be doubted, and to know that a woman I love has my back. Which is of course why I love her. Postscript: Sunday 22 March 2015 is my wife PD's sixty second birthday. She is if anything more beautiful to me than ever, not least because with her I'm free, not in spite of our bond but because of it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag. |
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It sounds so fucking trite now, but the truth shall set you free. And it is magic. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Fantastic! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Happy Birthday PD!!!! So, will there be .....cake? The 2nd woman I lived with was nearly the perfect relationship, but she wouldn't let me play and she wouldn't stop. Other than that, we never fought, the sex was always fantastic, and she was very fun to be around and would defend me to the point of blows. So close... Those teases, the almosts, do come back to taunt us, don't they? Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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We went shopping today to buy her some new clothes for her birthday and to celebrate her weight loss and improved medical outlook. We had dinner at her favorite Chinese restaurant and I celebrated being there to eat with her. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Happy Birthday, PD! And many many more... I never experienced the feeling of envy or jealousy, that's another of my birth defects. I was on the receiving end a few times, and that was just ugly! Especially ugly because it was unfounded. Loyalty is a rare commodity. I never found it in a husband, and I was married three times. I never knew what it meant until I met my best friend. Knowing that someone has your back at all times, and that they know you have theirs as well... that's true partnership. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Happy Birthday, PD! And many many more... I never experienced the feeling of envy or jealousy, that's another of my birth defects. I was on the receiving end a few times, and that was just ugly! Especially ugly because it was unfounded. Loyalty is a rare commodity. I never found it in a husband, and I was married three times. I never knew what it meant until I met my best friend. Knowing that someone has your back at all times, and that they know you have theirs as well... that's true partnership. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I believe there's a line in Lenny Bruce's "How to Talk Dirty and Influence People": "Help Stamp Out First Marriages." Sadly enough, the rough spots that go with first marriages often aren't odd. Your ability to express what you want, and to have found a mate who is a ) able to hear it and, more importantly, b ) able to respect it is, however, fantastic. READERS: PD, by the way, has made her own contribution to the virtual symposium: Gail Might want to wish her a happy birthday there! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I can't write enough posts succinctly enough to express how I feel about her. If I had started writing it the day we met and continued til now, I wouldn't begin to say it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I believe there's a line in Lenny Bruce's "How to Talk Dirty and Influence People": "Help Stamp Out First Marriages." Sadly enough, the rough spots that go with first marriages often aren't odd. Your ability to express what you want, and to have found a mate who is a ) able to hear it and, more importantly, b ) able to respect it is, however, fantastic. READERS: PD, by the way, has made her own contribution to the virtual symposium: Gail Might want to wish her a happy birthday there! PD and I went shopping today, and to dinner, to celebrate her improved medical prognosis and her birthday. When we got home she asked me when a post for the symposium was due. I told her, "Whenever you do it." She spent about an hour on it and apologized for it. She apologized for something better than anything I've ever written. I'm proud of her and her post. Gail is well worth reading, as much for what isn't said as what is. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you sweetheart! I do wish we had met when we were younger...I'm greedy that way. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I think that's a very astute observation. We've talked about it before. Neither of us wants to fuck with success. (We wouldn't- superstitiously- want to queer what we have.) Youth is wasted on the young. Brains aren't fully developed. The young would deny this, but what the fuck do they with their underdeveloped brains know? We can dream about the life we would have had, but it's only as good as any of our other fantasies...just a daydream. Like smartasswoman told me once- you've landed in a very good place. She couldn't be more right. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thanks! And good luck to you too. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you. It would be, wouldn't it? Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Your post is an absolurely wonderful read that conjured up many thoughts in my head. Thank you.   Happy birthday PD!   [image]
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Wonderful and happy birthday to PD Live life to it's fullest! If you're bored, Read Hugs Gypsy
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awe... love your final statement...i am a sucker for men who are not afraid to put emotions out there. Lets Create together. http://FriendFinder-x.com/blog/jadesmith69 we can fantasize forever. J
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Your post is an absolurely wonderful read that conjured up many thoughts in my head. Thank you. Happy birthday PD! [image] Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Wonderful and happy birthday to PD Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Well, it's cumulative, you know. Anybody can fuck up and have a fit of jealousy. I've done it myself. But it's not an effective or productive life plan. And the junior high school games just were not making the nut in my marriage. Why the hell would I love someone who treated me that way? I'm friends with my first wife now, forty years later...at a distance. A long distance. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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If I'm lucky I'll keep on growing as an old man. And I think I am still learning. It isn't uncommon for people to think they want a thing and learn later that it doesn't satisfy them, that they wanted or want something else. And as you say, it's very common for young people to do that. Thank you, Lady for that wonderful compliment. I really do feel that I am so much more with my wife than I ever could have been without her. She helped me to grow and learn. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Thank you my friend. That's just what she is for me...unadulterated joy. Straight from the bottle! Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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awe... love your final statement...i am a sucker for men who are not afraid to put emotions out there. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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B. I don't know why, but that sometimes is the difference between men and women. Women don't always say what they mean or act the way they should. TV doesn't help, seeing men who TRULY love their women, going out and busting someone in the mouth for merely glancing at his woman. It's hard trying to figure out how to behave. I am happy you have finally found PD, you both are pretty wonderful. I still have a ways to go, trying to figure it all out you know. My head's been turned. I even went to meet someone and still he doesn't show an inkling of being bother, just says I should KNOW he loves me, and he shouldn't and doesn't say it. Makes it that much harder not to keep your head from turning. I am still a good girl, unless what I do from a keyboard and a telephone receiver count as cheating. Hopefully I will figure it out soon and not muck up a perfect record. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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And it's a bit of a miracle. We were a pair of three time losers. No punter would have bet a nickel on us. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I don't know that you should envy her but I sincerely thank you for the compliment. And you read it correctly- it is a love letter to her. She towers above anyone else I have known. The peace that is in my life I owe to her. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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