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When the battler met the battleaxe - my biggest ever row
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When the battler met the battleaxe - my biggest ever row A few years ago I walked through the entrance to my local train station, I noticed two groups of<b> teenagers </font></b>approaching each other, slowly, furtively. One boy said hello to a girl in the other group, immediately she ripped his head off, 'Don't ask me how I am then' she growled. Thank fuck I don't have to deal with a drama queen like that, I thought, as I walked on by. In life I tend to sweat on the bigger picture stuff - if it's personal it's things like: will I have a job in three months time, are my parents okay (one of them is lucky to be alive), if it's global I mull over why people don't seem to care that so many still go hungry, don't have shoes on their feet, don't have clean water etc.  Mary Whitehouse - safe to say we wouldn't get on . . . I'm back working in a start up company with a small team of friends I've worked with on and off for 10 years. It's a very unusual working environment as it pretty much involves just me and a bunch of salesmen, all of whom have low boredom thresholds and need to let off steam when they don't make a sale - which is once every half hour. They engage me in debates about what's happening in the news, politics, ethics, religion - it's not serious and we can say what we want because in the context of mutual respect it's impossible to offend each other. At the conclusion of a particularly pointless argument about football one of my bosses said I was the most argumentative person he'd ever met - to which I replied 'No I'm not!'. The thing is I don't relish confrontation or conflict - far from it - but I do have a backbone and I will fight my corner if it's about something I care for passionately - and it's fine to do that with people you know and it's all banter. Arguments happen on here too though they are never the same as many people assume an overfamiliarity with you so they think a lively heated debate about a pet topic of theirs is a good idea. I'm not here to argue - it someone abuses me in a chatroom I just block them - if someone tries to argue with me in a messenger chat I'll try and nip it in the bud as soon as I can. Disagreement is a natural part of human interaction - we're not clones of each other, we're all wired differently, but I've got better things to do with my time than argue with someone I'm never going to meet about an issue that doesn't matter.  When an argument got slightly out of hand - Thomas a Beckett in 1170 - owning up to whistling late-period Paul McCartney tunes when in a really good mood The sheer pointlessness of arguing with a stranger is clearly lost on a constituency of battleaxes online who are spoiling for a fight. I'm really not looking for confrontation so if I ever touch a raw nerve it's not intentional - or perhaps someone has pressed my buttons . . . The worst argument I ever had on here was completely stupid (shock horror). Back in the late 90s I went backpacking across Australia, hopping from one coastal town to another using Greyhound buses. The main drawback of using these buses was being subjected to crappy films that I'd worked hard to avoid when they were out in the cinema or on TV - I wish I'd brought ear plugs and a blindfold with me so I could've blanked out Waterworld and Titanic - the latter I had to watch twice in one week and I'd have gladly paid several $$$s extra not to watch at all. Sooooo . . . when I asked a girl on here what she was up to that night and she told me she was having a night in with her friends watching Titanic it was probably never going to end well. She became hysterical very quickly about the fact I didn't totally love the film and it turned really nasty when I said portraying the Titanic story as a romance in the context of a disaster where 1,700 people died was insensitive. I must admit I lost my cool and stuck the boot in about the dreadful music by asking her 'How many straight men do you know own a Celine Dion record?' When people ask me what I'm looking for here, I give them a straight answer, 'I'm here to make friends and to get laid' - fair enough considering what it says on the front of the website right? I guess we're all human though and we can't all love each other all the time so you'll descend into petty bickering if you're here long enough, even if you're consciously avoiding such a thing. I wonder what spectacular rows have been fouling up other chat windows on here . . . 
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Would love to see you go head to head with Mary Whitehouse  )) As long as you don't hack her head off at an altar... Have to agree that Waterworld was one bad film... Titanic, on the other hand, was a little better - just for the sex scene in the vintage car. My last argumentative frustrations were with a chap who told me that he didn't eat Greg's cheese and onion pasties... FFS you can't tell a girl trapped in Oz that you choose not the eat Greg's pasties when they are made to be eaten! Rock Slag
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As you know Mary Whitehouse is no longer with us but hopefully if we ever did cross paths she'd lose the will to live after I'd finished with her. So there's murder, sexual assault and in Shakespeare plays but you don't picket them - you go after swearing on TV because that's really destroying society! Protect kids from anything with violence in it like Brothers Grimm tales or Hans Christian Andersen stories because they clearly can't handle it I have a friend who refuses to eat Cheese & Onion crisps and says that they're the devil's work. He checks what flavour I'm offering him every time we're down the path. Perhaps your online nemesis and my friend both have a genetic deformity that has led to this cheese & onion intolerance. If not, there is no reasonable explanation for it . . .
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Ooopps I didn't think... I knew she had died a long time ago... Ok let's turn it around and say - I would have loved to have seen you go head to head with Mary... It would have been a 'battle' and then some! You didn't hack her head did you? Mary up there in heaven (cough, cough) - I swear, but not in certain company - give our children choices. Show them good, show them bad and let them choose. You can’t ban all that is bad as how will they learn? Cheese and onion chips (crisps) give you smelly breath - I can understand the issues your friend has with them but I can't condone his complete abstinence. If offered a packet, especially McCoys, a polite request for salt and vinegar wouldn't be seen as too rude... However if they aren't available then the cheese and onion should be accepted with a gracious smile and munched to the last crumb. I know not every AFFer is going to be able to please my tastebuds but if you yuck Greg's pasties you will be blocked!
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I'd just play her a tape of Derek and Clive and tell her that's how men talk when women aren't around (which is true) and no amount of her rotten mean-spirited crusading was ever going to change that so it was pretty childish and pointless to keep swearing off of radio and TV. I'm so keen on the whole yeast thing I like Vegemite, Marmite, Bovril and Presto Own Label Yeast Spread (a noble but doomed attempt at producing a Marmite substitute). I have, however, met some people who like Marmite but don't like Twiglets and vice versa - what's up with that????????
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Mmmm to Twiglets - yack to Marmite...
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Tha's been living doon south for far too long lassie - you've gone soft and embraced Vegemite! Marmite had a romantic beginning - being collected as floor sweepings in the Arkwright & Postlethwaite brewery in Colne - it were then left to mature for 15 years halfway up a specially made redbrick steeple in Accrington - originally white in colour it gets coaldust mixed in to mek it dark brown. The bulbous pots it's served in are inspired by the shape of pit helmets. Some might find the very idea of a yeast extract savoury spread to be strange and the taste to be a bit too salty but those people are idiots. 
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