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Blogs > phoenix71rebirth > Flamed by the Phoenix

And The Rollercoster Goes On  

phoenix71rebirth 52F
181 posts
7/5/2017 7:26 am
And The Rollercoster Goes On

unperturbed by the fact that for a brief moment I felt like things were settling down - ahahahahahahhahaahha NOPE

1 day after their 47th wedding anniversary, took mom for her Parkinson's check up while dad was taken for a checkup on his pressure sores and amputation by the maid. Came back home to dad being yet again admitted and being set up for more procedures to combat the pressure sores refusal to heal. The amputation most recently has healed well. The amputation that was done in 2011 seems to be acting up and he's in pain.

I was trying to get my paperwork for the job done so they can issue my contract and offer - got that out of the way i hope with printer issues I didn't think could possibly exist in this day and age - ink cartridge refusing to work also it's the same one just regional different numbers *** AAARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ***

And trying to find a school for the younger to enroll in within my tiny budget while juggling the costs of the elder 's A-levels enrollment as well.

So it seems tomorrow morning, it's back to hospital rotation duty between the maid and me till all this is done - and so all my other work is now at a standstill. Siblings have decided, since I have nothing better going on like - no life in their viewpoint - I have to take on the roll of stretched village idiot again.

I am not complaining. It's my dad and he's unwell. Not even sure if he'll make it to next year - he seems to be in pain,<b> depression </font></b>and losing his will to live. He was an active handsome man my dad - and I can empathise with him.

It seems my rollercoster riding days are not quite over even with the move back. And I feel at a loss to figure out

I did this for 8 yrs before I left for abroad. And it seems everyone was just waiting for me to come home to hand it over coz hey everyone else has lives, my and me - we ask too much in trying to live ours out quietly and rebuild from the chaos we've returned from.

Sometimes perhaps I come here to just forget for a brief moment, why I often feel more alien amongst my blood than I do with aliens and strangers.

Perhaps that's why I try to show empathy to even the strangest people, because I try to think perhaps they too are escaping for a brief moment all the pressures of the real world and trying to find their happy amongst strangers who cannot judge them.

Perhaps in some strange way, we're all members of the same tribe - maybe not. I think too much.

One thing is certain though - I can have travelled the world, impressed strangers with my intelligence and kindness but to my own blood, I merely the village idiot, forever the fool, forever the failure ... and they thrown that blanket over my too for being mine.

I guess somethings no matter how much time and distance you put between never change - and I don't have the energy to fight these views of me. I think I have come into my own over the last 7 years away and now just let people think what they think and stay calm.

God Bless all of you even as you struggle - remember, each of us fight different battles and demons each day to just stay a step ahead with sanity and a little happy in our hearts - simple pleasures.

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