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I AM ANDROGYNOUS ... But Not From Mars, part 1
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I AM ANDROGYNOUS ... But Not From Mars, part 1 This is the first time I will be publishing this as at one time I thought it might be a useful shortcut to describing me, my "self" but even when it came up with friends, either they did not know what Androgynes were about or, they were "experts"; knew what it meant and assigned whatever preconceived stereotype they anointed me with. So, regardless, I had to essentially backup and discuss what applied to me anyway without alluding to the "clinical" approach ... such was the shortcut. Thus, except for this time, explanations, etc. to describe my "self"; hence, the preponderance of my Profile Intro, etc. Actually, "Androgynous" is a diagnosis of having and reflecting a set of behaviors that do not fit with those attributed to an individual's gender identity of "male" or "female" that was assigned at birth. From that classification, one can go to gender queer, third gender, transgender, etc. Specific to Androgynous, for whatever reasons, there is some ambiguity of gender role, thus supposedly "confusion" with sexual identity, consequently sexual role. Personally, I take exception to the often applied description of "confusion" as to sexual identity and role. Specific to me, I did not and do not feel confused at all; I do whatever based on my feelings, etc about whatever. Perhaps I can agree if by "confusion", what is meant is that the set of behaviors is not what is expected by random others per my assumed gender identity, etc. Regardless, and to my points, I do acknowledge I am quite aware that I am "different" in that regard. In school I was quite social, and most of my friends were girl friends ... my choice. Even in grade school I can remember thinking that most of the boys my age were crude, immature and silly. In the 6th grade I was Class President ... and the word was that I had won because I had the girls vote, that all of the girls voted for me. That's when I began to realize that I was beginning to get a rep. I wasn't particularly great in organized sports but in 7th grade I joined the Photography Club and the Pep Club. I liked art and the creativity offered with<b> photography. </font></b>I joined the Pep Club cause I did have school spirit and several of my girl friends were also members. The Pep Club also had a rep that it was the choice for all the wannabe cheerleaders ... nothing was ever said to me directly but ya ... my membership probably enhanced my rep also. What I do know is that the beginning of 8th grade my parents received a letter from the school requesting a meeting with my Counselor, without me and my Mom went as my father was "on the road" ... he traveled pretty much every week in the course of his job. The upshot of the meeting was that the school suggested and my Mom agreed, that I should go weekly to a nearby participating clinic and visit a Counselor to discuss any issues I had, etc. During the first few meetings, besides our discussions, I took a few tests and all of which contributed to my being diagnosed as Psychologically Androgynous. I can remember researching it a bit and looking at photographs of Androgynous of various ages and the boys, how cute, beautiful they were. What I did not realize at the time was that many of the older boys, to enhance the look that was successful for them was perpetuated and maximized with cosmetics. What I was soon to realize was that the school sent home a letter with notification of my diagnosis and that it would be noted within my school records and that they were to sign the notifications that they were aware of everything and attend another meeting, both of them and again, not me.So this time my father would have to he meeting and would find out about everything. I found this out to be true also as when he came home he took me into the garage and had me take off my pj's and beat me with his belt. He also told me that during the meeting at school, it was "recommended" by the school that I drop Pep Club. Later, I found that not to be true but rather the contrary, that the school recommended any activity participation to be worthwhile for me. Thanks daddy. I have to admit that the balance of the weekly counseling sessions were kinda fun as they were group sessions with from other schools. Actually, looking back, those sessions were more than fun, they were my safety valve, my net.... they were not to attempt changing me what I had learned since birth ... the sessions were to make me feel comfortable with myself, respect my "self". Next would be High School, and, as it turned out, pretty much the morph of my "self" with an education I did not expect resulting in a respect and celebration of me, my "self". Kaycee. |
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