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I AM ANDROGYNOUS ... But Not From Mars, part 2
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I AM ANDROGYNOUS ... But Not From Mars, part 2 When we started going together during that Spring of my Freshman year in High School, my BF pretty well educated me as to what he really liked from me concerning sex. Basically this was subtle variations of me preforming fellatio for him as foreplay and then submitting for sodomy in in a few of his favorite positions. No, it definitely was not a "democratic" or "sharing" relationship; but I wasn't ready for what I would call a more mature relationship at the time. I guess my first BF was more a sex mentor than a sex partner in a relationship. There was also another reason why I was content with my role in our relationship. When I was getting counseling, tested and diagnosed in 8th grade, there was a second part of to my diagnosis. Apparently there is no strong or predictable correlation as to gender/sexual identity and Psychological Androgynous. That is why there were several tests as they also wanted to find out about my gender/sexual identity or in contrast to my assigned identity at birth as "male", did I agree with that or not. The answers varied a bit as all tests were not the same and were expressed in a percentage of masculine or feminine. My results were 65 to 80 percent feminine or only 20 to 35 percent masculine, depending upon the test. Considering these test results as to my predisposition towards "feminine" plus my lack of experience and acceptance of my BF being sort of my sexual mentor, I was content at that time with my role ... no, thinking about it now, ya, probably i should have or it was logical if I were content with my role, the relationship. Actually, as I remember it, I felt pretty daring, mature and sophisticated at the time; after all; upperclassman, gay or whatever forbidden sex, a car ... ya, I was pretty stupid back then ... but we all were. Speaking of sex, yes, of course most of the knew about us. we were pretty much accepted ... there were perhaps a dozen of us "open" couples and there was little to no objections from my peer group ... it was really nice ... I guess we were not stupid about everything ... perhaps not things really important. Anyway, I told my BF about my counseling, tests and diagnosis ... the whole issue and tension at home, etc. and he seemed comfortable with all of it, even agreed with the counseling, etc. That Summer he really began pushing me to "express my feminine side" don't repress it. It was almost like a campaign. Even though I hardly needed it at the time he strongly preferred that I shave my legs, underarms, etc. Also, when we went out on a date, he liked me to wear a little perfume, mascara, makeup, blush and a neutral shade of lipstick ... the basics. It was just great!!! Of course I now wonder about his motives and where it might have ended. But at the time, and perhaps he did not even realize it but for me it became an unconscious wish come true ... my BF was pretty much perfect. That was probably 90 percent what I really wanted but 10 percent just because at that age there is a little over the edge experimentation. However, with me, it just seemed natural, no not natural but more like exactly what I wanted to do ... "natural" wasn't a consideration. I think the only considerations I might have had would have been if we had to be secretive about everything cause of a lower tolerance from our friends or even our peer group in general but there wasn't any at all. In a way, it was simply a question of timing as it was "in style" to be tolerant about all the social biases at that time. Anyway, at the end of the summer, while we were parked at our place, my BF gave me a present, a package wrapped with ribbon. I unwrapped it to find a 3-pack of pastel bikini panties and another white pair, mostly just lace ... all size 7. He told me to put the white pair on and he just watched me while I did it. Of course the significance of the white pair was not lost on me but I was no longer a virgin and for which he was responsible for so it was a bit puzzling, perhaps awkward is a better word. He just watched me and when I was again dressed, finished, he started the car and we rode around for a while and came back to our place and he stopped the car and we didn't start to fool around like we usually did. He just asked me to give him the panties I was wearing ... and he just again watched while i totally took off my shoes, my jeans and slid down and off my panties and handed them to him. Hi took my panties and we kissed and he continue to touch me intimately while he explained that he would from then on refer to my penis as my "stick pussy" and that I was "stickpussy" as far as guys were concerned, and he told me that most men who like pussy also like stick pussy. Then he undressed and we proceeded to do what we usually did at our place sooner or later. After we were done he told me to choose one of the three pack of panties to wear and get dressed which i did. When we were dressed he took out my white pair of panties and admired and made a big deal of smelling them and then hung them on his inside mirror. At first I really didn't know how to feel about that ... I mean there it was, obviously my underware and they were my bikini panties, and, as with other couples, the message was that we were now doing everything that couples do. Everyone at school would see them and know; all his friends, our friends would know ... everyone would know!!! And they would, and they did ... and they would anyway. And you know what, it really didn't matter, not at all. However, at the time, I was spared the situation of being in his car with his some of his friends before they were told, no saw the situation ... the "situation" just hanging on his mirror. And for the most part, they were gentlemen about it. However, much to my surprise, my panties, my bikini panties just twisting in the air when we had company in the car became a real turn on for me. i didn't know why but it became just a sort of civilized, in their face that yes, he was fucking me sort of thing that they had to pretend to ignore, but there it was. It sorta was taken for granted that after a while that is the status when going together but this was more like an in your face announcement. The attitude was yes we are and you can enjoy thinking about it ... that but don't embarrass yourself in referring to it. I also used to fantasize that they were probably getting excited when thinking about us. Also, I wondered if his friends enjoyed the thought that I was wearing bikini panties. One thing I knew for sure and that was that his friends now showed me more respect, a sort of deference now that I was his. There was a deference of my standing with their friend expressed by the remnant of his conquest thus my personal standing with their friend, my BF. I thought that was really nice of them ... they were good guys. Also, that whole thing sorta morphed into something i still do today, but for different reasons and to discuss at a different time. As I remember, that was about the highlights of my High School years. I never went back or pursued cheer leading ... it was sort of a fluke that I got to experience that at all ... and the irony, if I were a woman in the traditional sense, I probably would not have had the same opportunity. But then again, I was only in the process of discovering who and what I was, or wanted to be so I probably needed that experience more than the traditional woman. Looking back, I think my BF was as kinky as I was for whatever reason. But we seemed to be good for each other at that period in our lives. All in all, I had lots of fun and myself and my friends and my peer group gave me the opportunity to discover who and what I was and wanted to be at a time that was critical for me. Thanks to all of us ... and i still frequently do. Kaycee. |
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