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Things that won't get you laid.
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Things that won't get you laid. I’m always horny If a woman is looking for a man to have a relationship with, it might be a sex-only relationship, but it’s a relationship. She needs to feel he is attracted to her, not just to the fact that she has a vagina. Someone whose unique selling point is that he is horny would fuck a cracked plate. I’ve got a big cock. Ah, the myth of the big cock. Guys with donkey dongs seem to think that women are gagging for it, and it’s a guaranteed leg-opener. Sorry, boys, you’ve been sold a pup. Women care about the size of your cock about as much as the size of your feet. Too small might look a bit ridiculous, too big means it’s not going to fit standard size shoes. But everything in between is just fine. Unless you are auditioning for porn, a big cock is not a selling point. I’ve never known before I got naked how big my lover’s cock was. It really wasn’t something I cared about. No, I mean I’ve got a really big cock Okay, two issues here. One is that a really big cock is not fun to play with (unless you are a sadist like me who enjoys setting them on fire). It takes too much foreplay and work to get it in. Sex stops being fun and becomes about, “How am I going to that monster in? Shit, I’d better open an extra bottle of lube.” And two, men who have really big cocks often think that all they have to do is show up with their RBC and they are automatically great lovers. Sorry boys, there is a lot more to it than that. I like older women. They know things. Yes, we do. And no, we don’t want to have to spend our time together teaching you stuff we can’t believe you don’t know. No, David Tennant was not the first Doctor. Yes, Buffy was awesome. No, a young cock is not enough to cause multiple orgasms. Seriously, some of you don’t seem to have mastered basic anatomy yet. And certainly haven’t learned that PIV sex isn’t enough to get most women off. In fact, some of you don’t know what PIV sex is, do you? I’m great at oral, I’ll give you multiple orgasms Er no! First off, while some women like oral, to a lot it feels like being slapped in the groin with a wet washcloth. Or being crawled over by slugs. Ask first. And even the women who do enjoy it, may not enjoy it from you. Over on Fetlife, in one of the “Ask a Female” groups, this question was asked and answered. It turns out that that only about 15% of the men who claim to love oral are actually any good at it, good enough to give a woman an orgasm. Most of them don’t have the tongue strength or stamina, and a surprising number don’t actually know where the clitoris is. Remarkably few actually ask for and follow directions. Really, how hard is it to understand, “Keep doing that. Exactly like that”? But the vast majority of men who claim to love oral sex actually mean they will spend ten minutes muff diving, then expect endless blow jobs. Looking for a one night stand. Look, I get it, you don’t want a bunny boiler (guys with young cocks, google it, it’s a thing) so you want to make it clear you’re not in the market for marriage and happy ever after. What we hear when you say you are looking for a one night stand? I’m a selfish bollix who is shit in bed, but it won’t matter because I’ll never see her again. I’m a nice guy This one opens a can of worms, but basically, when you say this, it means you’re an asshole, and an asshole who thinks that occasionally opening a door for a woman woman or not having sex with her when she’s drunk, means that he’s entitled to sex. That woman have to reward your niceness by getting naked, and getting naked without you having to do the scary thing and asking them first. Women are not machines that you put niceness tokens into until sex falls out. And while we’re on the subject, no, you don’t need to an abusive asshole to get laid. You know what the “asshole” has going for him that you don’t? He asks the woman to have sex with him. He doesn’t wait for pity sex, and then complain that he’s been friend-zoned. And if she says no, he accepts it and moves on to someone else. I love pussy Here’s a<b> fleshlight. </font></b>Have fun. I’m looking for someone likes more than my genitals. Photo of your cock I have never seen a cock so pretty that it made me want to have sex with someone. And I judged the Fetlife Best Cock competition. I have never said, “He’s an asshole but I put up with him because his cock is so pretty.” So even if your cock is gorgeous, it’s not going to get me to drop my knickers. But the bad news is that half of you have cocks which are uglier than average. Half of you have cocks that make me go, “EWWW! Does it have a disease?” Half of you have cock pix which guarantee no one will ever read your profile. [ |
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Great advice and an entertaining read.   I'm certain that up to 3/20 of those expressing their honestly held predilections would agree that using a part of their strength and stamina, to enquire as to the efficacy of any exertions, is de rigueur. In my experience it can only augment mutual enjoyment of any such endeavour.  "My thoughts are my property as the air in my lungs is my property." Tak Kak.
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9/23/2018 10:38 pm |
Well what a true reflection I am a bloke and agree totally with your sentiments
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