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Blogs > Ianpoman > My Blog

Sexual Self Efficacy (Effectiveness)  

Ianpoman 79M  
94 posts
7/3/2018 7:09 am
Sexual Self Efficacy (Effectiveness)

I came across the distinction between sexual self confidence--all about feeling good about yourself; and sexual self efficacy--feeling good about yourself in relationship to your partner/s feeling good about you and themselves. This came from attending a conference of the Society for Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) a few years ago. Feeling good about myself is important of course but it's really a part of feeling good back and forth with partner/s. I like that distinction.

Part of self efficacy (being effective sexually speaking) is learning how to hear what a partner is saying, lowering personal<b> anxiety </font></b>to allow for considering the other person's desires and concerns. Since I'm not a "player" nor very active sexually these days (though my hand is handy for those hard times lol), I enjoy seeing what Dr. Lindsey Doe has to say about all kinds of sexual matters in her regular You Tube vids called "Sexplanations". She is so sex positive and sees possibilities for pleasure through honest communication, constant curiosity and the desire to enjoy one of life's greatest pleasures.

I'm also reading Tolstoy's 1889 little novel "The Kreutzer Sonata". Wow. He packs a lot of contemporary issues of sexual desire, activity, challenges with the Victorian moralism of his time (even though he's Russian). Amazingly candid about sexual desire he opens up a way to get into the moral confusions and traditions and transitions from his time to ours. Good for having conversations about all kinds of sexual hangups and hang-in-there's.

We're complex people but we're also inclined to want to comfort, please, and enjoy one another. At least that's what I believe and have experienced. The effort that takes is well worth communicating rather than hiding or pretending or hurting. I love corresponding when I can't get out and play. Really into safe, sane, consensual sex. It's so effective

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