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| Blogs > TrucknLuvn > Songs of the Trucker Babe |
Honey And The Bee (Edited and Updated!)
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Honey And The Bee (Edited and Updated!) So there I was... Minding my own business, reading in bed as my Hunny Bunny, Joey was navigating his way back onto I-84 after stopping for fuel and food just east of Portland, Oregon. I was just starting to acclimate to the sounds and movements of the truck, when a brand new sound that I had never heard before echoed throughout the entire truck. The odd noise was still lingering in my ears when I heard it a second time, even louder than the first. "Oooooowwwwweeeeccchh!" It took me a moment to realize that the sound was coming from my Joey and not one of our kitties. The noise he made was a high pitched, almost shrill, cry filled with pain, panic, and angst. I had just started to get up out of bed to figure out why my husband was squealing bloody murder when I heard his desperate plea for my help. "Jess!" Joey exclaimed shrilly. He was obviously freaking out now. "Get up here, quick! Something just bit me right on my fucking balls! I you to drive. NOW!!!" It was a miracle I was able to keep a straight face as a I poked my head out of the curtain separating the cab of the truck from the sleeper. The first thing I saw was my lover squirming in the driver's seat while furiously digging at his nads. It was truly a sight to behold. I stifled a giggle as I struggled to maintain my composure over this hilarious situation. "I swear something just bit my right nut! Oh God, now it's burning!!" Joey whined. Please take the wheel so I can assess my scrote!" Joey had conveyed a serious sense of urgency to situation, which meant that there would be no waiting until we found a rest area to stop at. Instead, I would have to jump in and take his place behind the wheel as we were rolling down the freeway. We've switched out hundreds of times since we started driving as a team and we have our transition down to a science. As soon as Joey vacated the driver's seat, I froze up. I had spotted the culprit responsible for my hubby's wounded testicle, barely clinging to life as it lay twitching on the now unoccupied driver's seat. "Eek!" I squealed, "It's a bee and it's still alive! I can't go near that thing, allergic!" "Baby... his stinger is stuck in my nutsack," Joey stated matter-of-factly. "He won't sting you and he will die soon enough." Good point! So, I brushed the little bastard aside and jumped in behind the wheel, like nothing had happened. Joey retreated to the sleeper to examine his traumatized testes. I was thoroughly enjoying the quiet drive accompanied by the beautiful scenery of the Columbia River, while my Hunny Bunny silently triaged the damage our little black and yellow buzzy friend had done to his boys. My serenity only lasted but a moment. "Ouch! Motherfucker, that hurt!" Joey roared from the sleeper, thoroughly shattering the silence in the truck. "What happened, my love?" I asked gently. "I pinched the shit outta my juevos trying to get that damned stinger out!" Joey responded. "Well, did you get it out?" I asked curiously. "Yes," he grunted. "Well that's a good thing!" I responded with a giggle. "Righty-Tighty still hurts," Joey grumbled, pouting. "And I suppose I won't get any super powers either!" "Aww... Poor baby," I soothed. "How about I kiss it and make you feel all better?" And he did feel much better after I finished sucking every last drop of the "poison" out. ············ Hmm... Will my Honey Bunny develop any super powers as a result of his scrotal sting? It worked for Spider-Man! ············ And where did that fucking bee even come from?!?! ············ ***EDIT: Joey added his .02 cents worth*** Hey y'all, HONEYBALLS here. The crisis is over and the nation is back to DEFCON 3. I am not in the best position to smell my own balls, but I assure you they don't smell like a damned dirty diaper factory, thank you very much. And I am truly disappointed in all of you! All of my life, I've been aware that everyone loves my boys as much as I do and then... This blog! What's the world coming to? I personally delayed Armageddon from occurring today by taking the pain and suffering of the universe itself into my goddamn beanbag and I bore that burden alone! How about a thank you? Or maybe just a little sympathy? And don't tell me that sympathy is found between shit and syphyllus in the dictionary. Lol. ·············· ***EDIT: Jess's rebuttal*** My Joey is going to hell! I just know it! He's sitting here calling his cajones "The Lord" and "Savior" now that he thinks that his beanbag was sent here to save us all. If he's not careful, his head is going to swell up as much as his right nut did last night! I swear, I cannot take that man anywhere! But... I still love my sweet Honey Bunny!  {=} Jess |
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OK... creepy crawly things - seriously scare the shit out of me and freak me out. (Yes... typical guy!) But at least you were lucky your other half, had a back up driver. Nothing worse than being stuck on the road with those bees or wasps in your car, driving in CITY highway traffic , no emergency lanes to pull into, and having to somehow cope with those little 'mothers'. It's amazing how a little flying thing like 'that', can just turn men into 'stupid silly vegetables'... ! I didn't crash , but I came damn close !  ... is there another way to look at it Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O A Foolproof Method Posted Over on that NEW site O O
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Hey - Joey again . In addition to he points Jessica just made, I want to mention that my sting was infinitely more dire than yours. How can this be? - you may ask. And it's simple really. ... BECAUSE IT WAS MY FUCKING NUTS THAT WAS ASSAULTED!!
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 Harry Paratesticles! Way to bring things full circle with a '50 First Dates' reference, LaLa! You are a woman after my own heart! That was great! Ice cubes + testicles = wannabe ovaries!  Those bad boys wouldn't drop back down for a week! lol I think that everyone needs to get a piece of my Joey's Honey dipped, schweddy balls! I am willing to share! Lord knows, he's got plenty of sack to go around! The good news about that is if he ever had to jump out of an airplane, he has a built-in parachute. Kind of like a flying squirrel! Now let that lovely mental image sink in for a moment... Sorry! I couldn't resist! {=} Jess PS: For the record, I took very good care of my injured hunny bunny! If ya know what I mean. 
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I share his pain. I once stepped into a nest of Brown Recluse Spiders, while wearing shorts & hiking boots, they went up, they went down, and several bit me along the way, as I watched, and couldnt brush them off fast enough. My leg swelled to the size of a sumo wrestler by the time I got to the hospital, and I was told I was lucky, only two bites seemd to have had toxin injected, the others were just the "pre-cum" of a bite. I could walk for days. That was 2007, I still bear over a dzn scars from the bacteria & toxins that were injected into my flash of that leg, but I was LUCKY, none made it past mid thigh !
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Hey y'all, HONEYBALLS here. The crisis is over and the nation is back to DEFCON 3. And I am not in the best position to smell my own balls but I assure you they don't smell like a damned dirty diaper factory, thank you very much. And I'm truly disappointed in all of you. All of my life, I've been aware that everyone loves my boys as much as I do and then... This blog! What's the world coming to? I personally delayed Armageddon from occurring today by taking the pain of the universe itself into my goddamn beanbag and I bore that burden alone! How about a thank you? Or maybe a little sympathy? And don't tell me that sympathy is found between shit and syphyllus in the dictionary. Lol.
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Think of the Poor Bee who died after nailing his nut sack..Wife is a widow and probably left a dozen or more children Orphaned...  Pretty sure his widow and little worker bees will keep on keepin' on! Thanks for commenting on behalf of the little kamikaze!
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10/19/2018 5:45 pm |
Think of the Poor Bee who died after nailing his nut sack..Wife is a widow and probably left a dozen or more children Orphaned...
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Good thing you were there and he didn't run off the road. You're a good woman.
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Ha-Ha! I beat ya to the schwetty/schweddy punch...line! You shouldn't feel ashamed! I have no shame and look how happy I am! To hell with shame!   Honey Balls! Love it! Although, after Honey Balls, my mind went straight to Honey Nut Cheerios. There's got to be something there... Hmm...
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Actually... His balls are pretty sweet! And big too, like the AC/DC song! lol And yes, ball sweat is a thing for him... They do get stinky during the summer if he's not careful. lol Sorry about the "hot schwetty balls" TMI there! Not sure about rubbing aspirin on it, never heard of that remedy before. He just aired out the boys as much as possible last night and today. Now it kind of looks like a mosquito bite.
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That had to hurt!!!
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10/19/2018 3:59 pm |
Never a dull moment on the road! Roll on Big MAMA, I like the way u roll! 
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10/19/2018 3:42 pm |
What a decision she has. "Sweet, steamy, sensuous kisses light the bright fires of passionate lust within us." scott6250
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My man always feels better after I give him a little oral support! [image]
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