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| Blogs > bipolybabe69 > "..yes I said yes I will Yes." |
FWB: A Cautionary Tale for the Sixteenth Virtual Symposium
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FWB: A Cautionary Tale for the Sixteenth Virtual Symposium There's an interesting writing event going on here: [post Participants List For The Sixteenth Virtual Symposium Friends With Benefits Sixteenth Virtual Symposium]. The topic is "FWB," friends with benefits so I thought I'd rub out a quick one out here. *** Looking back, I shoulda known better. After all, I make my living coaching others about sex and relationships. I'm a Sexpert...and this is a case of "Do as I say, not as I do." I met this guy, you see. I liked him more than he liked me. He told me on our third date, "Angie, I don't want a 'Relationship.' I'm strictly casual." I replied, "See you in a month." Because that's what I believe I can handle: casual sex aka FWB or Fuck Buddy with whom I grind one out every 30 days or so. Know why? The bonding effects of Oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone released in the body when one is touched. It's what makes our<b> pets </font></b>attached to us and us to them. We pet them, we all get a dose of Oxytocin and purr. According to what I've read, women get a 100x stronger dose of Oxytocin than men do with orgasm. And it lasts 2-3 weeks, serving the biological purpose of having the desire to hang around a man until we figure out if we're carrying his baby or not. For men, the effect lasts 2-3 days. But, I liked this guy. A lot. I wanted to spend more time with him. I thought he wouldn't be able to help falling in love with me. I am sexually adventurous, and I'd always been curious about swinging. So invited him to be my "Partner in Crime." Actually, he chose that title to describe our relationship. (I persuaded him that an open relationship with a small "r" was different than a Relationship. I'm a relationship person. We tried to be totally honest with one another and continued to date others.) Long story short, we spent lots of time together. We met couples locally. We went to sex parties, Sea Mountain Inn (my fave spot) and Sin City 5 in Vegas where we bagged two unicorns. (Did I mention that I invented a game called "Bowling for Fuckers?" where we'd meet couples, line them up and then knock 'em down and fuck them? Yep, we were a great team. We had a lot of fun, including just being together. Over time, I'll write about more of this stuff.) Anyway, I developed an even greater desire to be bonded with him. I told him I was infatuated. He told me he was "fond" of me. While he displayed tremendous enthusiasm for "new pussy," any pussy (besides mine) within reach of his dick, I grew into a Green-Eyed Monster and found it impossible to swing with him any longer. I didn't want to fuck some guy I'd just met in order to make it possible for him to fuck new pussy. I thought I'd like 3somes better, so I set about trying that...without him. What did I learn? Hmmmm...Not a darned thing! Knowing what I do now and how much it ultimately hurt that he didn't care about me or my feelings even after railing me regularly for a year, I would still have done it. But I won't do it any more now. I refuse to suffer watching him dive bomb the pussy I provide access to. Let some other poor sucker be a pussy/patsy for him. I would only engage in swinging again with a partner who adored me. But I am grateful that I've retained as FWB the couples we met together. I've found I adore a threesome in which the woman is truly bi! Warmly, wickedly, Angie aka BiPolyBabe69 |
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It's hard to find a true FWB. 
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To me "friends with benefits" are people that are wealthy, connected politically and socially. What everyone calls FWB is simply no strings attached, no phone call tomorrow casual sex. You thought the two of you had something special. For awhile you did, but his intentions were all his own. Life happens.
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I like what you learned...even if you don't call it learning. The truth (self-knowledge) sets us free...free to craft a life that supports us. Sometimes that requires us to go down paths that ultimately aren't anything we want to repeat. thank you for sharing! xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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It is hard to remain just friends in a FWB. If you like someone enough to have sex with them and spend time, with them, then feelings can develop. The problem usually is that both parties have different amounts of liking for the other person. Case in point, the man might be really fond of his partner, but wants to pursuit other pussy. The woman enjoys her time with her new partner and develops an infatuation. Or the situation is reversed.
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They should sell oxytocin over the counter!  
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This is a great read. We are complicated things, aren't we? We can spin fantasies out in our heads, and so often the reality is different. But we do learn, if we're lucky.  Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Bi Poly Babe, Wow, it seems like you ignored your boundaries. Of course, sometimes we declare boundaries and then they change on us, and that might have happened to you. Or sometimes we declare boundaries that we think are true, but aren't really ours and just something we think the other person wants to hear. I like it that you declared yourself a sexpert and yet you admit to being human. That probably makes you an even better sexpert! Thank you for the great post, and thank you for your contribution to the symposium, Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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1 post 2/1/2016 9:37 am |
Really interesting point about the oxytocin effect and the FWB agreement to stay loose. FWB words best when it is completely symmetrical in terms of feelings. The situation that needs much more exposure is FWB between two individuals who are both in sexless marriages where they also have a long-term commitment. The symmetry is there with each person desiring sexual closeness while maintaining the marital relationship. This is so common and so little discussed.
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An interesting observation about the chemical effect on one's feelings.
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An interesting observation about the chemical effect on one's feelings. I haven't been able to figure out how to moderate the yearning which surfaces after pleasurable experiences so that I want --and am satisifed-- with less than what my brain says I want. Spending more time --if it's fun-- makes me want to spend more time. The only thing I've been able to figure out is just to avoid spending too much time.
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I know it's pretty common for men to avoid telling women things they think will upset them. I wonder if women are just as likely to avoid saying, "Hey, got a new friend. Sorry. Won't be seeing you any more."
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You became lover before you were friends... the words from a song I featured in symposium post. Friends with Benefits, not much too it without a caring friendship Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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Oh, now, really: Rub out a quick symposium contribution? *Snort* Naughty, naughty! Welcome aboard! Delighted you found us, and hope you'll stick around. Swinging is not easy, and when doing it as a couple (as opposed to solo) there are a lot of conversations which need to take place. And there needs -- as you found out -- to be the sort of relationship in which a ) you each take pleasure in the other's pleasure and b ) you are close enough -- relationship, Relationship, or other -- not to hurt each other, whether passively through inspiring feelings of jealous or actively through little "tweak my partner emotionally" games. I do think there is such a thing as friends with benefits. People who enjoy each other, want to hang out socially now and then, have a meal, see a movie, and include sex with each other as a possible other activity. It may even be possible to be friends and swinging partners together, but that requires some advance conversation... and the lack of pre-knowledge of that conversation is what kills a lot of swing partnerships. Welcome to the symposium! I hope you'll stick around and offer your perspective to future editions. And I look forward to reading more of your sexpert wisdom/perspective. Glad you found us! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Oh -- and -- Leopold and Molly Bloom as Friends With Benefits? Heh heh heh... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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