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| Blogs > bipolybabe69 > "..yes I said yes I will Yes." |
Living life on the Edge...
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Living life on the Edge... I just wrote to "Sam" that I'm trying to talk myself down from the ledge. I'm near panic mode. As I wrote in SexIs it all in my head, I think a lot. I've often had friends tell me "Don't overthink it" or "Get out of your head." Easier said than done. While my fantasies often delight me, some times I follow my mind down a wormhole. Last night before I went to sleep I pondered a return visit to Bend, Oregon, to ride Sam, the guy with whom I had the most awesome first time sex with a man ever. The adventures are detailed in: Part 1 quotBendOver I39ll drivequot, Part 2 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 3 BendOver I'll drive, Part 4 BendOver I39ll drive, Part 5 BendOver I39ll drive and Part 6 Finally the Sex BendOver I39ll drive The idea of flying up to see him again creates panic for two contradictory reasons: 1) What if the sex is just not that awesome the second time around? And, even more terrifying... 2) What if it is? Some may "pooh pooh" the notion of sex as narcotic, but, for me, great sex is addictive as I wrote in , Just Say Although Sam and I had sex three times in two days (well above my recommended once every 30 days dosage for remaining casual about it), I've done pretty well not becoming<b> obsessed </font></b>with him. Distance helps because sexting is just not as intense as wrapping my hot wet desire around his naked hardness. But, truly, I'm afraid to return and have sex again with him. I've only recently recovered from last year's infatuation with The Unavailable Guy. Though I experienced peaks of elation in the up-and-down, off-and-on relationship with a small "r," it was memorably painful, often, excruciating not to be adored in return. I don't blame him (entirely). I get hooked on unavailable men. I am determined to win The Unavailable Guy, like the inside who still wants to win the love of her unavailable daddy. I do wonder if I'm attracted to unavailable men because I'm afraid of genuine emotional intimacy. My rational mind says, "Someone who lives 800 miles away, divorced only a few years from a toxic ex and with responsibilities that keep him in Oregon is about as unavailable as a man could be." So, which way will I go? Talk myself down from the ledge or take the plunge? I've already swum in that pool and found the water deep and delicious. So I'm guessing I'll step out on the board and Swan Dive. I prefer to live on the edge, getting out on that scary branch, whether it's getting SCUBA certified, taking a year of singing lessons or, this year's challenge, joining Toastmaster's to address my fear of speaking to groups of people. {=}{=}{=} BiPolyBabe69 P.s.--Since I don't respect half-measures, my first speech to the Toastmaster's group in introducing myself will include sharing my journey to become a Sex Coach. It will be fun/scary/outrageous to give the audience an opportunity to tap their fingers on their heads every time they feel uncomfortable, starting with a minute of my repeating the word "sex" and other "dirty words." Deep dive, Baby! |
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7/17/2016 12:16 pm |
gotta dive in! for sure
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long distance relationships ..... I won't even consider it. It's just too hard. So is this! happym; My twins are 21. Both are preparing to leave Santa Barbara this year. I've hung out here for them. The trick is...where would I go that's nicer than Santa Barbara? A town where there are a lot of single, fit, athletic men sounds good to me! Bend, Oregon, here I come!!!
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If you're moving for an abundance of fit, single guys, move to Alaska. If you're moving for *this* guy, meet him in a neutral location or have him cum visit you a few times. I've done trans-continental & trans-oceanic and, in my experience, the exotic aspect can be disproportionately influential. It's important to not ignore a great match/opportunity, but also important to retain a bit of perspective -- difficult as it is...
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