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| Blogs > Red_Elf > Rewriting My Life |
Do YOU date the people you ACTUALLY find hot?
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Do YOU date the people you ACTUALLY find hot? One of the problems I had with my ex-husband was that the man was constantly after me about my weight. I mean, it's a shitty thing to do to begin with, but his pestering at times could be described as something no less than neurotic. I was losing 1-2 pounds per week after a baby and he was after me about it almost every single day. It was miserable. I'm not a skinny girl. I never really was. Even in high school, I came with curves that made me more than a little self-conscious. I'm also not huge. I have what I'd describe as an average middle-aged woman's body. Considering I'm 44, it's no shocker. I'm also quite curvy in all the right places, and one of the aspects of dating the way I have been is that I'm finding a lot of men who absolutely LOVE my curves and love my body. They aren't even always the men I would think would be into that--often men who, themselves, are incredibly cut. When I say they love my body...I'm not exaggerating. They comment on loving my curves and my ass and everything about those things. They are into my body. This has been a pretty happy discovery for me, because years of being hassled by my ex did do a number on me, and it's putting a good dent in that. So, with this history, it was interesting to read the article by Sean Illing, "Proof that Americans are lying about their sexual desires." I found it interesting, because one of his main points is that men aren't really dating who they are attracted to. Rather, they are more dating for status. They base that conclusion on the fact that "Porn featuring<b> overweight </font></b>women is surprisingly common among men. But the data from dating sites tells us that just about all men try to date skinny women. Many people don’t try to date the people they’re most attracted to. They try to date the people they think would impress their friends." Now, I do know it's been more common for men to say things like, "Yeah, I don't like to date stick figures," but how far does that go? Do they really date who they want to date? Do you?   MOST of the time I'm well behaved...but if you weren't, and, enjoyed having your ass handed to you, visit my blog and become a subscriber. There you can read all about how I am actively authoring, and rewriting, my life .Trying to get a bigger audience? Here's my .02 Content What Content 8 Things To Consider Towards Better Content {=} |
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Beauty is in the eye of beholder. I was a jock in my teens and can relate to impressing your friends. But now Im older and single and cant worry about what other people think.
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I don't date to impress no one but me! Love, love, love the curves! 
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Sean is a virgin and he does not know what he is talking about. Maybe teenagers are dating to impress their friends. Not grown up adults.
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You know, that does make sense..... impressing their friends means more to many man than satisfying themselves does. I can see where those two things can become.... at odds. I've always been surprised when someone who I thought was a "higher number" on the hot scale was into me... skeptical at first of course but there've been too many over the years to think it's a rare thing any more. And then I feel guilty for thinking all men don't care about personality, only looks. heheheh
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The first question here is the title of this topic. Do I date the woman I actually find hot? My only dates for the past seven years have been with my wife, and I certainly find her hot. Her face is beautiful. Her personality is attractive to just about everyone we meet. Her body is nice (and definitely hot). There's more to the question than the title, however. Do I date women more because of my own tastes or because it feels good to appear in public with a woman who others will regard as hot? That's a more complicated question. I certainly feel good about appearing on public with my wife, and her looks are a small part of that. But the thing that really makes me look good about being with her is that she's such a nice person, and pretty much everyone likes her. The evil ex-girlfriend was hot to my eyes, and also to most other eyes. I confess to a bit of "arm candy" pride (my wife's expression) when I was with her -- but I later heard about a number of incidents where she was nasty to people in ways that made people wonder what I was doing with such a terrible person. The worst example was when she was in a bathroom line behind a woman who uses a walker because she has Parkinson's, and said to the the woman something like, "Can't you hurry up, fat-ass?" (The "fat-ass" part was a direct quote; I'm not sure about the rest of the wording.) Being with such a person certainly did not reflect positively on me. My first wife was plain in appearance, but I never felt self-conscious about being with her, because she was always nice to everyone. My high school girlfriend was pretty hot (both to me and according to convention), but we were rarely out in public where people I knew would have judged her favorably, or judged me favorably for being with her. My pride about being with her was at least as much because she was a really smart math nerd (like I was) -- and that I helped her break out of her shell of shyness -- than for her looks. (Similarly, relationships between her and my first wife didn't last long enough to generate much public reaction.) So, based on my history, the perception of others thing was only an issue with the evil ex-girlfriend. I think that's mostly because she encouraged it, probably because it fed her narcissistic desire for admiration. When it comes down to it, I think I gain a lot more respect from others by being with a woman who everyone likes, as opposed to a woman people like to look at. - - - Lady_Jayne_Layne : It also kind of explains why I get a yokel every now and again who "never been with a black woman before". My evil ex-girlfriend repeatedly asked me whether I was interested in her for that reason, just trying to mark out another box on an ethnic checklist. I get it that some guys (and women) are into the ethnic checklist thing. But I still found the question annoying; I was interested in her because I liked her figure and the personality she presented. (As it turned out, the personality she presented was fake, which is an element of why I refer to her as the "evil ex-girlfriend". But that's another story.) My wife never asked me, "Are you just interested in me because I'm white?" (Her red hair was a turn-on, but it wasn't a checklist thing.) And my first wife never asked me, "Are you just interested in me because I'm from Europe?" None of the other women I dated or hooked up with ever asked me anything similar either. The one other black woman I hooked up with didn't ask me the ethnic checklist question, and I didn't ask her either; we both knew that we were just hooking up because we were both horny and available at the time.
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There has been significant research lately about our culture's social changes regarding sex and mating. In the past Americans dated as you describe in your post. But today dating is going away. Now Americans "hook up." A hook up is intentionally designed to impress our peer group. The peer group only sees the outward appearance of your hookup partner. The purpose of a hook up is to gain social status in the peer group by having sex with someone who meets the peer group's ideals of physical appearance. We do not hook up because we enjoy the sex or love. To learn more about this I recommend you Google the research of Sociologist Lisa Wade. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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Also, as a married man and full-time caregiver I am obviously not in a position to date anyone. But hypothetically if I did risk dating a woman it would be impossible for me to introduce her to my peer group. Therefore I would only date a woman who I found genuinely compatible to meet my own needs for love. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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And finally, I just looked back at your profile photos. I can't imagine a man who would complain about your figure. I personally would be proud to be seen with you exactly as you are, Red Elf. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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