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Blogs > gymrat1974 > ManwranglerJen

Randomness  

gymrat1974 49F  
1057 posts
4/29/2017 7:11 pm
Randomness

I've occasionally been accused of being closed off. Can you imagine? Me? Closed off? I'm the most expressive, explicit, direct, in your face, open person I know. I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself if it serves a purpose. I'm not afraid to share myself when there is something to share. Just the other day I felt compelled to speak to someone even though he had me pressed any interest in me after a first meeting. I felt I had to. I don't know why exactly. I haven't given him another thought in days but I felt the need to reach out to him today. And I said what I had to say, and he didn't respond in kind. And I'm not upset about that, and I'm not upset that I spoke to him because sometimes you just have to say things and get them out of your system. And I am adult enough to know it wasn't in the cards for us. I'm also adult enough to be able to speak my mind. I gave it my best shot. And it wasn't good enough. But life goes on. And the world continues to turn. So, no, I am not closed off. Maybe the people who find me closed off are nothing more to me than passing acquaintances. Maybe there's just nothing to say to them. They mistake my genuine indifference for lack of openness. Just today, I went on a fourth date with someone who seems to genuinely like me. I guess he would have to. It's been four dates, and I won't let him anywhere near me. Nor have I led him to believe I ever will. He wants me, but my heart longs for someone or something else. Sometimes my feelings seem inexplicable and even intangible, but I know I have them, and I know I'm willing to express them. If I don't say anything to you, you, you can be sure there just isn't anything to say.

iwalkstilts 48M
2869 posts
5/29/2017 12:28 pm

 If you aren't interested in him why not say so?


gymrat1974 49F  
557 posts
5/29/2017 4:33 pm

 I did! It was mind boggling how much he tried to get me to be interested in him. I wish someone I liked would put that kind of effort into me. I think he was convinced he could break me or win me over.


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