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| Blogs > gymrat1974 > ManwranglerJen |
Timing is everything...
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Timing is everything... A journal entry? A blog post? An unsent letter? I remember the first time I met you in person. We had been chatting or talking for years, but for one reason or another, it took until that day for us to meet face to face. You came and met me at the gym. I was determined to finish my workout before I left with you, so you came into the fitness room and chatted with me while I did my time on the treadmill. It was pouring down rain outside. I finished my workout, showered, and then we shared your umbrella and walked to your car. A friend of mine from the gym cornered me the next day to ask who you were. She told me I appeared to be the apple of you eye. She said you were positively glowing as you stood next to me at the gym. Little did you understand that I was already descending into binge eating madness and was not going to be that diligent gym goer much longer. I sat with you while you ate something. I couldn’t eat. It wasn’t time yet, said the dieter in me. And then we ended up having sex. It was the most random unromantic act ever, and one I performed to convince myself that I was still desirable. It took years for us to see each other again. It seems in retrospect that you kept the door open. You pursued further meetings and conversations, but I resisted for any of reasons. Finally, I made the determination that I would come and see you the next time you offered or the next chance that presented itself. We’ve seen each other three times since then. And I could write about it, but for now, I won’t. What I will say is that I think about that day you came to see me at the gym. I think about what my friend said to me. While I’d like to think it was an expression of feeling toward me, I understand that you weren’t looking at me with such glowing adoration. You were looking at my exercise performance. You were impressed by my sweat, my calves, my work ethic. I am sure you look at all the people you train with that same adoration. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a reason why you still invite me to come see you, but there’s been many people and many reasons for both of us between then and now. I don’t know where or if we will go from here. I don’t know if I completely lost my chance or if there is still a chance, but I am sorry if I ruined it all with my distance and distant nature all this time. I don’t know why saying all of this now. Maybe I just wanted to get it off my chest. |
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I really enjoy reading your blog.
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