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My Bio
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My Bio I was born and raised in a small town in Michigan. My parents were fundamentalist Christians very strict in their beliefs. They attended the Salvation Army which is a very service orientated organization. I learned a lot about community and helping others less fortunate then oneself. You would think this would have ingrained submissiveness in me but not so much I was born a Dominant, and while I learned service to a greater thing then yourself I learned there were many ways to do that. I first realized I was different when I was five or six. I was watching Dudley Dooright and as I always did rooting for Snidely Whiplash. I always figured that because he spent so much time stealing her away and tying her up he must love her very much. I said as much and my aunt who happened to be in the room said to my mother that she had better be careful because I was turning into a pervert. I had no idea what that was but from the atmosphere in the room I knew it was a bad thing. Fast forward to when I was just entering my teens. I had already started having sexual fantasies revolving around stealing a woman away and her being all mine, or having a harem that I could walk through and point at a girl who would silently get up follow me to another room and pleasure me in any way I chose. It was time for “The Talk” and I received a book titled Boys and Sex there was a note to talk to my parents after each chapter however it was never mentioned again. This book was missing a couple chapters which I know now were on masturbation and homosexuality. However I had no idea homosexuality existed, that led me to believe the chapters removed on masturbation which I had already figured out and dominance; In other words the good stuff. Fast forward about a year I was burning with curiosity . I was in a grocery store with my parents and I happened across an Easy Rider magazine. This magazine had a pictorial of a woman being taken by multiple men on a pool table in a bar. I was so fascinated I stuck it down my pants and walked out with it. That pictorial along with my fantasies were a constant nocturnal companion. I sank into isolation with the exception of playing hockey which I still love to this day. I felt no one would ever understand and because of my fantasies I was evil. For a time I even believed I was a demon made flesh. A few years later I made a girlfriend in high school by hiding everything. I made the mistake though of believing that she would understand and when things got a bit more serious I asked to tie her up. From that day on I was the high school freak to be shunned and avoided. I turned to my hockey and tried to replace my fantasies by working on becoming a pro someday. After high school I tried out for the local IHL team. The problem was that at the time the team was very good. I was told I could play in the bottom pairing on the defense but I was not fast enough to play any higher. In my devastation at that it never occurred to me I could bust my tail and get better so I joined the Navy and that is where my life came together for me. The year was nineteen eighty-two when I went off to boot camp at Great Lakes Naval base. After boot camp my school was in the same place and I took full advantage of being close to a major city. One of the first things I did was visit a porno shop where I ran across the BDSM porn. It was mostly all gay porn but I didn’t really care. Here were people doing things I had dreamed about for most of my life. Tying each other up making each other do things I was mesmerized. It was my second or third visit to the shop when I heard a voice behind me that said “How much do you like that stuff”. I turned around and recognized a shipmate from my company. I was terrified thoughts of high school flashed through my head but I sucked it up and said “I love it “. He asked me a lot of other questions about my sexuality and what I liked about it. I don’t remember exactly what was said beyond that first exchange. After what seemed like hours but may have been only minutes he smiled. I finally was able to breathe again. He told me he had some people I should meet I readily agreed. That Friday night I dressed in civilian clothes as I had been instructed and we took a cab to a part of town I had never been to. We pulled up at a door and exactly at 8:00 we entered. The entrance way was lit but the rest of the smallish house was dark as far as I could see. I heard disembodied voices talking and asking me generally the same questions as I had been asked previously. The last question was how badly do you want this. I answered I would do anything. A woman appeared and led me down the hall when we got to a room where there was an older woman she pointed to a spot on the floor and went to kneel beside the woman. I stood there like an idiot not sure what to do when the older woman said one word “kneel” this word sliced through me it wasn’t what I wanted I didn’t want to be the slave what had I done. I asked her who she was and told her I wanted to be the master of slaves not one myself. She simply said if you want to rule first you have to learn to serve. I looked at her for a long time and she met my gaze with such a strength and grace that I knew that I wanted to be just like her. I knelt. The next couple of years were kind of weird for me. The next three or four months I spent every free minute at her house. I did a few things the first was service. I did what a lot of submissives do but I didn’t submit. It was extremely hard for me to not be in control of what was going on. I did it because I recognized that by doing it I was learning how to have others do it for me. I had a lot of different toys used on me so I learned what they felt like. The difference there was instead of letting myself slip away I analyzed the whole experience. Each stroke I thought about how it felt and how my body was reacting. I became a lab rat in my own experiment. The other thing I did was assist her with her other scenes. I learned so much from just quietly watching and helping her. I learned how to set the direction of a scene. I learned how to choreograph that scene, but most importantly I learned how to watch the submissive, how to tell what they were feeling even if they couldn’t or wouldn’t say anything. I loved our talks the most though, learning not only to be a Dominant but a human and a man. I owe her more than I can ever say. When the time came to ship out I was extremely depressed. I had been ordered to the USS White Plains home ported in Yokosuka, Japan. It was a small ship and I remember thinking on the sixteen hour flight that I was back in hiding and for the next year I would have nothing beyond brief periods to even think about what I had learned and was desperate to do. This was before the days of women on a combat ship, and the days of don’t ask don’t tell hadn’t even been thought of. Two things made this period of my life bearable. The first was the mail I wrote lots of letters back home, and waited anxiously for her replies. Mail calls were rare and infrequent so it was very hard to wait for those times. The second thing that happened was that even though the White Plains was a small ship one of the petty officers on board was also in the lifestyle. We had to be careful because talking about this could have gotten us discharged and neither of us wanted that. We managed to find quiet moments and when we were in port we frequented the same clubs so we could talk more. Though the letters and short times I could talk to him helped they were not enough. I frequently thought about what I wanted in a slave and that still forms the basis of what I want my slaves to be. Then began my life of learning from my mistakes A LOT, I returned to my small town and slipped quietly into my closet. The problem was I had tasted this life and there was no way I could ever be happy without it. I got an apartment and started dating the problem was the things I wanted to do I was afraid I would be labeled a freak again if I mentioned them. Needless to say after a few dates at most we would part ways in most cases I am sure the girl was never quite sure why even though I grew very adept at “the speech. It’s me not you blah, blah, blah became a common refrain, even though in this case it was entirely accurate I always felt like I had failed after one of them. Then I met v. She had attended my high school so she knew my reputation and was quick to tell me it excited her. I was smitten or in hindsight my dick was smitten. We started dating and before long were married. I strove to find a balance between the nilla and the life. I took her to some groups I knew about though at the time most were still underground. We played and played and played. It wasn’t long before she became pregnant and those were quickly followed by 2 more pregnancies. Needless to say with the arrival of our activities were severely curtailed. I started working a lot in order to support the family and as a result I guess she felt ignored. She took to staying out late and doing I didn’t have a clue what. I should have paid more attention to what was going on but between the job and the I didn’t. Well until the time I came home and found her in bed with my cousin. Don’t misunderstand we had played with others during our marriage but always together and always with my permission, this was intolerable to me and we split up soon thereafter. The next several months were a whirlwind of playing with anybody I could find and doing whatever I could to them. I put everything I had learned previously into practice and I worked very hard during each scene to make it perfect. When a scene went wrong I was devastated it felt like such a failure. It was during this time that I learned the unthinkable “Masters are human”. This piece of knowledge has served me well since but when I came to that realization it was like a kick in the nuts. I think a lot of Doms never come to this realization and they become “trolls”. I remember the one particular scene that went wrong safe words were starting to come into being and we were using the standard red and yellow. I hadn’t prepared as thoroughly as I should have and one of the song’s lyrics contained the word red. I heard that word and immediately stopped the scene it was the first time I had ever heard a safe word in scene. I went around to the front to find out what was wrong only to see a very confused subbie looking at me quizzically. I asked what was wrong and a few seconds later the word red was repeated in the song and I realized what happened. I started to laugh as I explained it to her and she began laughing too. I think that was the first time I had ever laughed at myself during a scene though far from the last. I really never connected with any of the subs I played with though I always had fun and I learned from each encounter. I began to grow lonely and crave a true human connection. That’s when I met G. She was from an even smaller town then I was if that was possible. We started out on a play date but I immediately thought she was different from my other play partners she had a depth to her. She wasn’t someone I just wanted to play with and then call it a day. I wanted to actually learn about her. We started to “date” and I was hooked. Soon I was playing with her only and I had collared her. From the very start a collar has been sacred to me. I have given very few and each time one was returned I have been devastated for a very long time because of it so this was a huge commitment from me. Marriage followed and again I worked hard to try to give her the life I wanted to. We moved across state for a better job and I once again began to work long hours. Looking back I should have seen the clues but I was too caught up in my merry-go-round of work and play to notice that she had begun to withdraw from me. That is until I came home from a twelve hour shift at work to find the house empty with the exception of my clothes. I began to learn how long this had been in the works when I got bills that hadn’t been paid in the mail. I started having to work just to try to catch up by the time I had I was exhausted. I hadn’t played with anyone in a very long time and I didn’t feel like I had the energy to put myself out there again. It was then that I found the internet, and how naïve I really was when it came to human nature. I had been a Master for many years but always in “real time” so I was able to judge body language as well as words. I could look into their eyes when we negotiated and get a good idea of who they were. The world of BDSM has been revolutionized by the internet. More people have access to more information than ever before. This is very good and very bad at the same time. It is good because people who have had those thoughts and fantasies now can understand they aren’t alone there are others like them out there. It is bad because now people who only have an interest in the easy way can study for a few hours and then fool those new people into believing they are actually knowledgeable. In my case it took the form of trying to learn new tricks as an old dog. I found a website complete with chat rooms. Suddenly the whole world was my leather bar. I could talk to people from all over and I immersed myself in it. I was immediately popular in these chat rooms I assume because I actually had lived what I was talking and it showed through. It was in one of these chat rooms I met Y. We talked and I was smitten although I didn’t understand what she meant when she called herself a switch. When she explained to me what that was I was very confused. In the world I was used to you was either master or slave there was no going back and forth. I think she stimulated me mentally because it was the first time I was exposed to this new generation of thinking. In my arrogance though I assumed that the once I was with her physically she would realize she was a slave and the whole dominance thing would be forgotten. It worked for a while too I was blissfully happy. I had learned that I had to put the time into a relationship and I did. We started to go to munches, and public dungeons together. Again I was very popular in those situations as my experience and knowledge shown through. Y watched me a lot and we spent a lot of time talking about the different scenes I did with people. I was flattered by her questions. I didn’t realize I was mentoring her without knowing it. That was until I found her email open one day. The letter started out “Does Milady prefer her slaves shaved or natural”. I was flabbergasted not so much by the email but by the secrecy. Looking back over the years now I think I understand. I was so wrapped up in my own arrogance that I thought she would be happy just to stand in my shadow. I had forgotten one thing I had been taught over and over again in my training. A slave who isn’t growing is stagnating, and a slave who is stagnating is soon going to be gone. I was devastated and soon I was alone again. I owe Y a great deal however it was with her that I truly began to think about how a scene is choreographed. Music began to be more than just a sound during play. I learned how to make it fit the scene so that it became part of the scene. That is just one example of the lessons she had to teach and if I ever saw her again I would thank her for the knowledge she helped me discover. Again I turned to the internet and I again it wasn’t hard to find a lot of people who wanted to get to know me. I took my time this time though. I played with people at the local dungeon, and I worked, and I healed. The whole time though I had been talking with one particular sub. It was then I learned the difference between sub and slave. I had always assumed that there was only one type of submission and that was slave. With the advent of the internet though I learned that there were some who only gave up control at certain times in certain situations, this was another brand new concept for this “old dog”. I had always assumed that those that didn’t give up complete control were just kinky not in the lifestyle. I got attached to C and made the decision that I was going to move across several states to be with her. At first everything went very well and I found a new job that paid decently and the hours were good. Over time though I felt a distance begin to grow between us and I wasn’t sure why. We played harder and more often I spent a lot of time trying to find a path to help her grow. I used everything I had learned to keep her by my side. Finally though she admitted that while she wanted a strong man she didn’t really want a master. Once again I was on my own except this time in a small Midwestern town with no scene to speak of. This time when I returned to the internet I knew it wasn’t to find the perfect slave I began to use it for what it is best at, to talk with people and share ideas about different things. I found out thought that this “fakeness” wasn’t just limited to the BDSM lifestyle. I thought I had been promised a job in North Dakota in the oil fields. I packed up and moved there. Long story short no job, no income, no home. If you’ve ever thought of being homeless in ND in the winter I don’t recommend it. It gets fucking COLD. Luckily for me they had a shelter specifically for men so I was able to at least stay out of the cold. I quickly did find a job though it didn’t pay great I was able to feed myself anyway. I turned to a friend I had made once again on line. There wasn’t a romantic interest between us but she asked me to move in with her till I got on my feet. She has since passed and I miss her and think about her from time to time with a smile. This was my first experience with being around a female who was a very good friend but not a playmate. She encouraged me to find someone because she could see how lonely I was. I turned to the internet but this time with a difference. I was going to use it as a way to meet local people and find someone with whom I could develop a real relationship. I met a woman on there that I really liked but I refused to think beyond our first meeting. I set it up then moved it up because I really wanted to meet her. I don’t remember what I thought when I saw here but I know what I felt. It was like someone had used a violet wand on my entire body I had never felt a connection so powerful or so immediate ever. Over the years we’ve grown together schiava and I. It hasn’t always been easy we both brought baggage with us that we’ve had to work through. We’ve worked through it though and I’ve learned more from her then I can even fathom at this point. We’ve grown together to the point where we have decided to mentor someone. I saw her growth as she became dominant in a scene we did together with someone and now I am going to help that part of her grow and flourish. I had always kind of dismissed the idea of a switch I may have to rethink that position. The first thing I taught her is the thing that I have spent my life learning. A sub/slave is to be cherished and cared for. They must be respected and they must feel that from you for them to grow. I haven’t talked a lot about technique or toys or anything I know. I have found anyone can pick up a flogger or a cane and swing it. The thing is that there has to be someone who wants to receive that strike. To have that you have to know when to use the flogger or cane. You have to think about what kind of strike you should use. You have to know when to stop and perhaps rub a little fur on the pink spot. You have to know your partner so well that you can see when they are about to cum and say one word that stops them on the brink. You have to be in control always. That is Dominance, which is my life. |
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