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What I’m really seeking with a FWB
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What I’m really seeking with a FWB Perhaps I was not clear in my previous post and rants about how difficult it is to find a true friend with benefits. Whether it’s here, Craigslist, tinder or IRL friends circle. Inevitably guys will think I want a boyfriend or something more. In truth, after speaking to a lot of guys here and getting their prospective on what they want; meeting guys who I thought were in the same page as me; going on some apps dates and talking to some girlfriends lately; I think I can clearly state what I’m looking for and why it is a near impossibility but I’m still hopeful of finding a quality guy who is on the same page as me. A lot of guys get turn away by me for my three hardline dealbreakers. They are 1. married/attached men; 2. inappropriately aged boys/men 3. men who are into anal/scat/bdsm. There is another category of men I don’t find attractive because it’s too much like - East Asian men. I know there is a big category of porn out there which men seem to like. Culturally, I was brought us to think that kind of thing is gross. It’s why I’ve stop dating Asian guys when I reach my late 20s. Talk about lady boner killers. Yes, I can say I’ve had about half a rainbow assortment of cocks and not the full range. Standards and preferences being what they are. It works both ways as to why I’ve not had the full scale rainbow. But I digress. Let me get back on point. I’m not looking for a traditional relationship in the sense of a man for companionship. I have a pretty good life and set in my way of life. Like some of you busy worker bee men who have settle into a bachelor lifestyle, women like me are coming to their own the same way the more successful we are in our lives. Like you men, women like me have sexual needs. Yes, sometimes those needs have lead us to waking up with the wrong person. After awhile, it does become meaningless sex and can become demoralizing. Which can lead to shame and regret if I ponder on it a bit longer than I should as I’m getting older. This can’t be how functional adults have come to normalize as a matter of fact. I would like to live my life as it is. I don’t want to change my life other than to add a male friend who’s company I enjoy to spend time with. I want to be attracted to the man because I want to have hot sex with him. This is what I mean by friends with benefits. I think there needs to be a comfort level of being friends and having that trust to explore our sexual fantasies and experiences with. In the beginning, when I first came ti this site, I use to tell guys I want to have hot sex with hot guys while they still think I have my shelf life as a woman. Also, I’m sure as I age, I’m not going to be as agile to do some of the more acrobatic still on my list list. Even after two years here, I’m already not feeling as limber as I use to when I first came here. I am not as eager to meet hot guys as I used to be. I think some of it might have to do with a couple of years of abstinence couple with the idea of having hot sex with hot guys seem like a fun thing. But like anything in life. Too much of a gluttonous thing can really gross me out very quickly. How I came into this site is not how many of you came to this site. I was talking to a friend about my dating life or lack there of one. After a few more drinks and my expounding on lack of sex after a long self imposed drought. That’s when she told me about FriendFinder-x. I have signed in and you can read about most of my experience on this blog. As I’m talking to more men here and girlfriends in my life. I’m going to spell out what I want and explain it by conversation I’ve had to clarify. I’ll start by telling you what I don’t want so as to further explain in written work for you guys to see because it is still not clear by just telling you some denser men who somehow think what I am clearly telling you is open for interpretations or exceptions to the rule. I am not looking for a hookup. This means- do not message last minute asking me to meet you because you’re home alone and horny for relief. This is a booty call and as a guy you should have a backup list for this as I’m told. Also, do not message me last minute telling me you’re in town in a nice hotel and want to have fun. This is what hookers and are for- don’t be a cheap ass if you’re in town looking to cheat on your wife/gf. If you can’t afford it- it mean you can’t afford the divorce or breakup either. I’m not looking for once offs. Friends with benefits in itself implies something long term. Makes me wonder if there is a frenemy with benefits? But that even involves a level of commitment of longevity. I’m not into fuck buddies. If I was in my 20s I would round up a group of these instead of getting into milquetoast sex bf/gf relationships. Fuck buddies are just that- you meet to fuck but nothing else. If you run into each other outside of fucking circumstances- it can get awkward and embarrassing because you never had any sort of conversation other than how you like to fuck, where to fuck and when you’ll fuck. This person has seen you in the most embarrassing ugly face contortions without being able to carry a normal conversation. More than ever, I realize a friend with benefits is what is suitable for me. I’ve spoken to a friend recently about how she has several men she dates on a rotation to fulfill her needs. She has one who she works with and go to dinner with who she has sex with because he’s steady and reliable. There is one she goes out with just to have hot sex. A couple of others she has not told me about yet. For her- it works because she’s into juggling and having a variety of options. At the same time, I’m talking to a friend who has been on a rotation of bad dates with unsuitable guys. She’s a mom of two who is recently divorced. I don’t think she knows what she wants because she’s only told me what she doesn’t want. This is what I find with a lot of friend of mine. Either they are recently divorced. Some with young some without. I think they’ve felt burned by the relationship so they know what they don’t want. A lot haven’t figured out what they do want. I told her, I don’t want to be in a relationship because I only have time and enough attention for a friends with benefits. What she told me is that is what she wants too because she doesn’t want to live with another man again because she likes her free time to spend with her friends when her ex has the . She doesn’t want to have another joint acount to tied with someone else because she has one with the ex for her . She likes her slush fun for herself. She just want a man who lives his own life who she can get together when her and social life allows it. However, she wants the man not sleep with other women if she’s in a friends with benefits relationship with him. Between the two of what these friends have said is where I lie with what I’m looking for in my friends with benefits man. I like my life for the most part to remain the same. I like what I do for work. I like my living arrangements. I like my social calendar. I like my financial situation to be my own. The only thing I would like to change is my sex life. I would like to find someone I am very sexually attracted to who I can have conversations with. I would like to go out and do social things that is more suited for a man/woman couple than going with a girlfriend. While one of my friend likes to have a selection in her sex partners and the other is only into monogamous sex. I’m in between that. I like to have my friend with benefits to have sex with other women I pick out while I watch and if possible fulfill my MFM fantasy with. As you can see I have a long list of thing I want to check off on my wishlist. Besides my hard nos, pretty much everything is open for discussion with the right to refusal by either parties. So is what I’m looking for an impossibility? It seems so since I’ve had some good leads and have met some guys who I thought were good fits but it turns out it didn’t work out. Perhaps I’m not the good fit because most guys think... I honestly don’t know what they think because I will either loose interest or they will before I can form any sort of opinion. There are a couple of men who I’ve talked to who I’ve never met. I’m a bit worry about meeting because out talks have been really good. Sometimes I want to mash up a few of the good qualities of all the guys I’m interested in into one perfect friend with benefits suited just for me. Anyways, I think I’m done with this rant and pretty soon I’m done with this site if I don’t find what I’m looking for by summer’s end.         |
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FWB is the only way too go have fun then leave
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FWB is the perfect relationship without the relationship. The friends part is important to me, building a bond and trust with someone just has better flow to it. Each encounter allows for catching up in each others lives and getting to know the little things that turn her on adds electricity to the meeting. For me I'm not going to let a stranger tie me up so trust is important. Without all the drama that a relationship brings there are only fun times and mind blowing sex to look forward to. And much anticipated I might add. The problem is a true FWB situation is so awesome, it is very illusive. Don't give up, I haven't
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