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| Blogs > David69lov > Trapped in the Closet |
How did I get here
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How did I get here This blog is going to be something that I start in hopes of expressing my sexual interests, situation, and desires. I assume that there are other men who feel the same way and are in the same situations. Maybe we can share and discuss things and find some comfort in the fact that we are not alone I will start with my history, as I am 46 now, it seems that some<b> background </font></b>would be good. I think that I was actually in college when I first realized that I might not be straight and might be interested in touching and exploring my sexuality with a man. I don' think it came out that smooth, but I do remember it. There was a time that I was taking a shower with the guys after gym class and there was a nice black guy who was always in the shower a long time and the other guys privately discussed that he was gay and liked to watch us. I didn't say anything but started to watch him. When he would watch me washing myself I would start to get excited and I was a bit shocked and had to make sure I did not get an erection. But I really struggled with the fact that I kept looking at him and of course his beautiful cock. Having been raised that this was somehow wrong I did nothing of course and suppressed the feelings. At this time in my life I was very sexually active with girls and had experienced a lot of sex. I like to eat pussy and had come to that realization already. I had a girlfriend that did not like to suck cock, and she would describe it as gross. I found this interesting because I think eating pussy is erotic and a big turn on, so i could not imagine that giving head was any different. Needless to say we did not date long. But this did make me curious about why it was gross. She also made the statement that the pre-cum and cum tasted really bad. Well this got me very curious so I decided that I needed to understand why my cum tasted bad; although she was not just talking about mine. So during one day while master-bating I decided to taste my pre-cum. I took my finger and wiped it along the tip of my cock and stuck it in my mouth. I didn't think it was a strong taste nor was it bad, so I did it a few more times to make sure. What I realized then was that it was a really big turn on to taste my own cum. Another surprise and a good one. So I came and was finished but did not taste my full load....yet. I stopped experimenting because I met my first wife and we got married. She did suck cock well, but would not complete for the same reasons, supposedly the taste or something. That marriage lasted less than two years and I was back on the market, as it were. Remember, this is before internet access and so it was not easy to meet guys. So when I started dating again, I had an experience that kind of changed me for ever. I met a girl who i dated for about 3 months or so. She was about 5 hours from where I lived and I met her through a good friend. However, she had a fetish that I did not know about and did not expect. We had been having sex one night and both had cum, and I thought we were done. But then as i was laying on my stomach she started to caress my butt and my back. She asked me if that felt nice and I told her yes, because it did. Then she started to rub between my cheeks, which I was surprised was a turn on. She was laying next to me and my head was turned and we were kissing and she was having me suck on her nipples. Then she asked me to get up on my knees. I did so because I was enjoying her nipples and not thinking anything about what was going to happen. She started to jerk my cock up and down toward the bed as she rubbed my butt cheeks and then moved between them and rubbed my balls, and made a pass over my anus. I moaned which I think was involuntary and she took it as notice to continue. She started to rub my anus in rhythm with stroking my cock, this was a huge turn on. Then she pushed a finger into my ass, I let out a very loud moan at this point but was definitely under her control as she fingered my ass diligently. She eventually put a second and third finger in and worked it really well. I was a bit in ecstasy and also shock. She stopped after what seemed a long time and we took a shower together. This was a new chapter and something I was desiring but uncomfortable with. The funny thing was that I had bought her some panties and teddies a few days before this happened, because we were in Victoria Secrets and she wanted them. What I did not know was that she did not want them for her. She actually wanted them for me. Two days after the first anal play, I came over to her place and she had some panties on the bed, I recognized them of course. She told me to put them on. I did of course. She then showed me how to wear them, how to pull my cheeks apart so that the thong went against my anus and how to tuck my cock and balls so that they were out of sight and I would look feminine. She did the same with the teddies, and eventually some other lingerie, including stockings/thigh highs. She liked me to wear lingerie when we fucked and then she liked unquestionable access to my ass for her pleasure. So the question today is why did I not marry this girl and life a very erotic happy life? Good Question. Because I freaked out, like an idiot. I did not understand what I had stumbled upon. One evening after she had worked my ass over good and we were laying in bed, me in a chemise she wanted me to wear with a matching thong, she showed me a magazine with strap-on cocks in it. I played it off cool, but was freaking out. I struggled to take more than two fingers and she was showing me some very large cocks she wanted to fuck me with. I should have been all for it, but I had this moment where I was worried I was "turning gay" as stupid as this sounds today. I broke it off and make a huge mistake in doing so. While I attempted to go back to my vanilla life, that did not really work. I actually started to buy lingerie and wear it under my pants and at home. something that I still really love to do, when I can. I bought thongs and stockings and teddies and bras and corsets, and really enjoyed myself. Still no internet and would never have considered going out to a gay bar to meet someone. Of course I did not really get that I wanted to be with a man and explore my feminine "bottom" side. I was just really enjoying lingerie and master-bating......more to cum  |
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