Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > Mikey0419 > Clever/unique title goes here |
Egos are so fragile, especially in needy men
|
Egos are so fragile, especially in needy men Article: A female perspective on saying ‘No Thanks’ LINK Read the above article first. It's the inspiration for this blog post I love this article. My response combines two viewpoints. The viewpoint of someone who is not centered, who looks for validation externally in the world around him (i.e. insecure); and the other viewpoint is from a man who is centered and in his element. He is confident and not in a braggadocios way but in a way that shows he is comfortable in his own skin and enjoys his place in the world. I want to make it abundantly clear that I have been both the needy, clingy insecure ‘beta male’ who wishes and prays for acceptance; I have thankfully, and gratefully - with the aid of mentors and a desire for understanding - developed into a man who treats myself and those around me with respect. And with this newfound view of the world, I see remnants of who I used to be manifested in others. Case in point ... I read a lot about guys asking women how they should pick them up, or how to<b> get laid </font></b>on this site, or how to talk to women in general. I used to devour anything and everything that would give me an upper hand with the opposite sex. One of the biggest problems looking back on that bizarre, confusing and uncomfortable portion of my life, I realized I pretty much never applied anything I learned from the guru pickup artists and self-made dating coaches. I was too afraid of rejection. I rarely took action and when I did, God knows it was a weak attempt communicating what I felt inside: I am not good enough. I don';t like who I am and you probably won';t either. At that time in my life rejection meant everything to me. Back then I knew it in my soul that to be rejected by one person - a veritable stranger - meant the world writ large rejected me and I was to be cast away from society, bitterly and scathingly critical of anything so much as resembling a risk or fear of failing. Sounds pretty sad, yes? Not to mention, presumptuous, outlandish and just immature. Yes, that was who I used to be. Life was not very fun at all. That was then. Several years and 180 degrees different, the world around me has not changed, but my responses to it has. Today I get to choose how I want to feel about ';me'; walking away from, or into a situation whose outcome has yet to be seen. Even still, I';ve occasionally been told ';no thanks.'; I';ve been stood up on dates. I';ve been ghosted. It happens. Do I feel upset? A little, but what happened happened for a reason. It just wasn';t meant to be, and that is okay. It may or may not have anything to do entirely with me. I can choose to get angry, vindictive and swear that all women are evil and manipulative (fill in the blank). That seems to be the default knee-jerk reaction for a lot of men: anger. Growing up, it was more socially acceptable for a guy to feel angry than to feel ... dare I say ... hurt? Disappointed? Feel less than, perhaps. Or I can choose to move on, to remember there are a lot of opportunities out there, and there is no need to rush into or pressure someone into a forced situation. Part of the problem as I see it - in the context of talking with the opposite sex - is guys put their hopes, dreams and fragile egos into the hands of a complete stranger, praying to the God of Sex that they get something out of it, and when our ego is smashed to pieces, our pride stands up for us to justify their innocence. The reaction can be an implosion or an outrage. No wonder women are fearful of saying ';no thanks'; and would rather just not say anything at all. |
Become a member to create a blog
