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| Blogs > CuckingHimSoftly > Adventues in Aging Sluttily |
How I'll answer people who are trying to "level" my relationship
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How I'll answer people who are trying to "level" my relationship Twice this week, the concept of “levels” of cuckolds or cuckoldry has come up for me. One inboxer asked “Hi, so what level of cuckold couple are you?” and a new partner talked about all the different “levels” of cuckold couples he’s experienced. Both instances made my blood pressure spike. I really hate when my relationship is compared a video game’s framework. For me, are no such things as “levels” of cuckoldry. I may think about “kinds” of cuckoldry, but I don’t even tend think in terms of “types” of cuckolds or cuckold relationships. I’ve seen the memes and charts breaking down, though. I think that’s part of what grinds my gears about the concept of “levels” of cuckoldry. Nobody would come into my inbox asking “Hey, what level is your marriage?” If someone did ask such a question, they would likely mean “Is your marriage open or poly?” or “Is your marriage a full-swap arrangement?” or “Does your wife ever alone with other people?” or many questions relating the specific want that’s being sought. Asking “what level” a marriage is implies that ’s a scale. Google’s 2nd definition for the noun “level” is: “a position on a real or imaginary scale of amount, quantity, extent, or quality.” There’s no way put marriages on a scale that has any comparative meaning. Some psychologists somewhere may be devising such a scale, but I’d personally question their definitions anyway. Marriages are complex, sprawling things with unfair and uneven comparison points between them. If you don’t understand what I mean, watch two or three episodes of “Wife Swap” and you’ll get it. What works in one marriage doesn’t even come close to working in another marriage. The people involved are either compatible or incompatible. Like marriage, for me, cuckoldry is a relationship style. People don’t have get married; they can have relationships with all the social and emotional benefits of a marriage without the state sanctioning the arrangement. They can have relationships that are completely fulfilling that nothing LIKE a marriage. Relationship styles come in all kinds of variations, because the people involved in the relationships are unique. Likewise, cuckold relationships are each unique depending on the partners involved and the specific wants and needs being addressed. While I understand that “level” is a euphemism for “does he suck cock,” I really wish that people would just ask. (The answer is “yes, if I tell him , and I tell him for the worthy, so he doesn’t suck cock often.” I suspect they don’t actually want hear *that* either.) I don’t consider our relationship a game. I have several lovers, and I don’t like think of them in terms of levels. I tend think of them in terms of “do we have a good time/ good chemistry,” “are they nice to me,” “do they listen / care about my sexual pleasure,” and things like this. These are not linear questions, and the pros and cons for each person do not fall neatly into a checklist. There’s always a surprise with every person and a different mood or tone with every encounter. Each relationship, from the primary marriage to the triads (or non-monocules of some sort) is being built every day, with every exchange. Is there growth? To be sure, there is growth. That’s why I can see why people latch on the concept of “levels.” I understand too that life itself can be approached as a game, and I do approach it from that place a lot of the time. I understand, all too well, the wins and losses of everyday human power exchange in interactions. I also understand the enhanced power exchanges that happen within sexual situations, as well as non-sexual kink situations. Having a broad understanding of human social power exchanges leads me to often treat life as a game. I see the wins and losses, the domination and the submission, the flexing of power over the meek. I see the levels of society, and even to someone as opposed to “levels” as I seem to be, I can see them. So I understand the allure of seeing relationships in terms of levels. Yet, I wish that people would not compare my relationship to a video game’s structure. If one has to be married to the concepts expressed in the word “level,” I’d much rather that they remember the other definitions of level. Many of them relate to equality, to evenness, to fairness and smoothness. In a cuckold relationship of any sort, is a curious equality among the partners. That’s why I always thank my lovers, as does slaveboy kurt. Without them or each other, none of our fantasies could come fruition. What those fantasies are is not subject leveling up. Trust, confidence, and intimacy can grow; inhibitions can lessen, and exploration can broaden. But like Mark Twain, using the wrong word bothers me in myself and in others. The “level” of my cuckoldry is “synergistic and collaborative,” and I’ll use that describe our relationship the next time I’m asked. I doubt that answer will suffice, but ’s as full of word salad as the question, so I think ’s fair. Sex-positivity is the goal. Revere the partner, revere the experience, and OWN YOUR OWN LIFE. |
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12/30/2020 12:22 pm |
Interesting read. 
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as far as I am concerned, have never considered people to be on a "level". Everyone has their own reasons for getting in the lifestyle, and everyone has their own kinks. Main thing is to find each others comfort zone, and if everyone is comfortable and willing, then have fun!
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1/15/2021 9:45 am |
Everyone has their level and no one else can judge
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4/30/2021 10:05 am |
I do not think there is levels but stages of sexual pleasure
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6/24/2021 7:35 pm |
Sorry there is only one level either you are or are not. I enjoy watching my wife suck and fuck other men. She doesn’t mind me fucking other ladies. There is no levels in having fun in my book.
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7/7/2021 7:20 pm |
I think you have answered brilliantly in this blog. It’s all about respect and trust.
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11/6/2021 1:49 am |
Part of the excitement is trust builds as we all level up.. for those that is awesome
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