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| Blogs > 3FreqsOnnaLeash > So you wanna peek inside? |
So you're a couple looking for a full time 3rd
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So you're a couple looking for a full time 3rd And you're curious what it's like but never were sure what to ask & who to ask it of. Oddly enough someone on our freinds list asked this very same question and after making the reply to them I thought it would make a great Blog entry. yanno, since I'm all about the FriendFinder-x info-mercial crap.  So, on to the good stuff! Well, where can we start,... I know, how about what makes me no sort of expert on anything, but does give me some insight based on personal expereince. that should work! We have an X-g/f that we had a very tumultuous, yet exceedingly loving & sexual relationship with on & off for about 2 years. It was on & off because she was married to someone who was never home (dont judge, it started innocently enough & I'm not proud of it). It began as just a way to keep her comapny, & sane, but we lucked out as it were in that the 3 of us turned out to be fully compatible and a bond formed immediately. Her circumstances changed tho (they moved away), and so it had to end. To this day are all very close freinds, still quite in love with eachother, & given the chance would move in together in a big 'ol house with the critters & her . The relationship itself was outstanding as we all loved eachother intensely and shared a very passionate appetite for eachother. We spent most of our time tofether just doing what anyone in a relationship does, living, working, sleeping, helping raise her , it was great! And the sex was mind numbing to say the least. Currently we have a very close freind, not what we'd call a g/f per se, but we have a very steady relationship & she stays with us more than at her own home. The idea of stepping it up has come up a time or two, but circumstances make me believe that it's better to keep everyones options open at this time. Regardless of all that tho, it's been great just having someone else around that we can be completely open & ourselves with. Oh yeah, & occasionaly we bump like bunnies, quite fun that!  lolNo reservations, no worries, just freinds having fun. It's been 4 months now & we are quite enjoying having her around, she's an excellent freind & lover, & no, I'm not just saying that coz she may read my blog.  Now we get to the meat of it. Familial aspects What do you tell your family about this other person thats always around, and always so,...?  Now, what to tell your family is all up to you & depends on how much they allready know about your lifestyle. Our families know about and accept us, & our friend, as we are. Some have issues, but since we have always been pretty open about our lifestyle choices, have so far keep it to them selves & stay out of our business. It's not an easy thing in reality, there are always those ones that will never look at you the same again & may quit talking to you. Then again you may be suprised, might have a couple similarly minded people in the family you never knew about. But not many of us can be so lucky tho so choose your words wisely when answering those questions. Social acceptance In todays society, gay & lesbian couples are pretty commonplace all over the world. however, people like us who carry on triad relationships are still looked upon with no small amount of disfavor. It's not as obvious as it once was as people are becomming more & more open minded as time goes on. So, taking that into account, the impact of social hurdles on you & your partners all depends on how much you care about what society thinks. My wife & our playmate really dont give two shits what anyone thinks outside of our immediate family & our social circle. We dont flaunt our relationship, but we're not hiding anything either. Recently we went out near a local university & had fun seeing the looks & reactions the 3 of us got, all holding hands, being close, & chatting away like best freinds while walking through the busy after school crowd. It was funny to us anyway, all that matters. Employers Now some of us dont have to worry about what our boss thinks about our lives, some dont. I sure as hell dont and have been confronted & squashed the issue several times. In my particular position I just own up to it & ask em why they care? Usualy I find it's coz they wanna know how the hell I do it. But there are those folks that work with/for employers that are worried about image, so a degree of discretion should be practiced with & around people from your workplace. Many times your bosses may be accepting of your lifestyle, but let it cross into your work life & see how far that flies,... Number one rule we abide by, and will always reccomend to others: Dont shit in your own yard!! What this means is do not, under any circumstance, fuck a co-worker. If you can avoid it, dont fuck anyone in your company. It's awkward & makes WAY too many waves. I was tempted to break that rule myself once when I had the hottest lil Texas hottie working for me, & she wanted to be with my wife & I, but couldn't do it. Just not a good idea, ever,... Simply put, you may be able to get away with living the way you live outside of work, but once it comes in the doors, you may both find yourselves unemployed in short order. Pitfalls & hurdles,... Yeah, there are TONS! Most obvious, finding someone. Finding the occasional playmate can be a challenge as it is, but finding someone that you both like, and likes both of you, and enough to carry on a full on relationship. Oh yeah, wheeeee! Once you find someone, you have to keep in mind that your primary partner will be more apt to notice if your attentions start to wander more into the new playmate. There's also the feeligns of your new partner to think of as well as they often feel that they are in the way & will never be fully accepted by one or both of you. Opposite of that, there may be those people that will decide they cant live without one of you, but dont care for the other, becoming a real issue in your primary relationship. You must always be aware of what each of your partners is doing, how they are reacting, even when you are in the middle of the best fuck of your life, keep that one brain cell attuned to both of your mates. Jealousy is a killer in many relationships, even those that are accustomed to the occasioanl roll with someone outside the relationship. But turn it around & add someone who is around every day, you may find jealousy in places you didn't expect in your partner/s. You must keep an eye out for off ballanced attentions & feelings from your new addition. Not so much the one that wants to break you up, but the one that just prefers one of you over the other. Puuting more focus on one of you can also foment jealousy & be a deal breaker. Needless to say, choosing a 3rd wisely is essential. Regardless of how stable your relationship is now, adding a 3rd can, & most likely will, produce seeds of jealousy. It's perfectly natural & should be expected & planned for. Even experienced lifestylers have those things in the back of thier minds. It's what keeps you alert & attentive to your mates needs & binds you to your commitments to your mate & your 3rd. Communication is key, and it has to be total between you & your primary BEFORE you find a 3rd, and also between you and the person that becomes your 3rd. Never be afraid to voice your concerns & you'll find that solid communication will squash distrust & jealousy before it can become an issue. Works for us anyway! But then again, I might be totaly full of shit and have NO idea what the fuck I'm talking about,... Wouldn't be the 1st time!  |
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10/14/2006 4:14 pm |
Fascinating reading  Thanks for "breaking it down" for us curious-minded people Smooches (I_V)
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Awww, you know me, always willing to help. Or at least talk yer ear off. Now come on over & hop in the tub with me you sexy beast you!
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