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Transitioning Day 1
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Transitioning Day 1 Well where do I start. I am a mature mwm. I have had a feeling deep in my soul that i would rather be a woman. As an intro I grew up with three sisters, a wonderful mom ( was a mama's boy), many female friends. I found it easier to be in the company of ladies. My first thoughts when I was young was I want the pretty dresses, I wanted the long hair, the underwear and all things fem. When I was 12 or 13 my body was changing. The obvious things face hair, growing taller, penis acting out in the worse times. I discovered "Wet Dreams", I was always in a state of arousal. I noticed the changes going on in my sisters bodies. I was there when I found out about girls having periods. My older sister came home from school crying and was looking for mom. My mom took here a side and discussed what had happened and made sure she knew what to do during her time of the month. My reaction was why don't I get any special attention. I was again feeling left out I wanted this that I couldn't have. As the years went on I watched my sister develop into a woman, breasts growing up other body part changing. these thoughts always had me getting horny but I also resented that I couldn't, have these changes. I would find a night gown of my sisters in the dirty clothes with panties and bras. i would hide them in my closet and jerk myself off when I would put them on. I was always excited with ladies clothes. My favorite memory was the summer winds on my back porch blowing up the gowns making my penis get hard. I wanted this feeling more and more. The last experience was in my senior year my sister had a friend over to spend the night. She was cute in an akcward way. We were watching a movie I saw here looking at me a little to much. i had heard she had a crush on me. I teased her a bit. At one point we got up at the same time both needing to go to bathroom. We played a dance of sorts and we were touching innocently until we got to the bathroom. I let her go first. This little teasing always lead me to get hot and usually ended up spilling out under my covers. The next morning I was still excited. I snuck into my sisters bedroom and say the friends bag open on the bed. I couldn't help myself as I looked in the bag and saw her undies. I pulled out 2 pair that appeared used. I took them to my room and smelled her fragrance tried them on and of course left my juices on them. The stupid thing I did later was to replace them in the bag with out cleaning the wet spots. The next night I felt the chill of cold reactions when we were in a room together. I knew she knew what I had done. I was fearing the worst that she would tell someone. She never told but that kind of stopped my experiment. Years past got married did the normal things with not a thought about girls clothes. Then came computers and the internet. Porn of all kinds poured in over whelming my urges. It was first the normal guy on girl, lingerie, bj type videos. New ideas came to me, watched transgender porn, gay porn on occasion. I even watched s/ m, bondage , and even watersports. I as a side note have tried my first glass of piss. I wanted to know what it felt liked and taste like just incase i am asked to play this game. It is ok but not sure I can always do it with just anyone.I am obsessed with drinking cum. I like to swallow and will clean you up after ejaculation. Now this is better than I want to say most ladies will do. My cross dressing feelings were coming back but with the added excitement of seeing guys on guys. I never thought of being gay or Bi but I couldn't ignore these feelings. Found myself wanting to experiment with man on man sex. I visited many a chat room and ending up in gay rooms. I found as I chatted I could get more reaction as a woman/man. I finally developed Jennifercd as my screen personality. Spent may a night helping men jerk off. This chatting developed into obsession and my other self wanted to perfect her feminine side. when I was on line I was Jennifer. One particular hot night I met a guy who lived near by and we chatted for a few hours. He was in total seduce mode and I liked the flattery. . I would go online hoping to see him every time. We finally set up a scheduled our online dates. One night the subject of phone sex came up and I was truthful about never doing it. He would tell me it was just like online chats only easier. I told him I was a guy and not a female voice. He knew that and told me it didn't matter. He said we are just two horny guys looking to get off. Finally one night as we chatted he mentioned it to me again. I finally let in and we shared our first phone. It was hot and I think I was very good at it as he got off very quickly. I was surprised he still wanted to talk. He went into full blown attack to seduce me and get me into his bed. I was flattered but it scared me a stranger wanting to get down and dirty. It took a few months and a lot of phone chat but my fantasy was getting harder to ignore. Over the past ten years with the help of chat lines and porn I finally was to excited to say no. He had used logic every time saying I was going on gay chat lines getting other guys off. My desire to dress up and be fem only made his point even stronger. I was interested in finding my true feelings and if they were real. He made the break thru and with in a couple of days I was arriving at his house. I had no idea what I was doing. I had never kissed a man let alone have sex. I was excited but scared. Well by the end of our first date I was sold I wanted this so bad. He seduced me with a little vodka and some joints. next thing I knew I was naked on the bed with a hot bear of a man. He was gentle ben. I kissed his bearded face letting him tongue my mouth. I fell in love with his hairy chest. He showed me how he liked to have his nipples sucked. Every moment those few hours where eye opening feelings. My first bj was well hot. When he took me and turned me overI was over the scary part. He had me in so many positions and in the end I got on top of him fucking him rather than him fucking me. That is when I knew I wanted this feeling more often. 4 years later I have become more and more sure I want to be handled by a man and I wanted to give up control and be a sub woman. This year I really dedicated myself to explore my fem side. I have a really nice gay friend who has helped me realize the fantasy of being finally becoming a woman in my mind. He has had a couple girl parties. where I was allowed to dress in womans clothes. I got more and more obsessed with achieving the whole fem experience. Just two weeks ago I drove over an hour to my friends dressed up the whole time even stopping and getting cash from an ATM. that was the most liberating. I finally decided I didn't care what others might be saying seeing me. So I have begun this blog to document my journey to making a transition to full womanhood. I can't say I will go the whole distance with surgery but who knows where this will take me but I hope I find some good friends a long the way. I will try to write something everyday. It might not completely have a daily change update but I plan to mix in more of my story How I am now where I am. I want to try and understand how I now have this urgent need to over turn the normal and journey into transgender territory. I ask if you do read this and have advise and experiences that can help me learn what I don't know please feel free to comment. I am asking for support knowing it will be my decision and the more info the better to help me move forward. Your encouragement will be very important to me. Help a girl out as well with beauty tips. Makeup I have no clue what I am doing. I am pretty good at fashion trend so advice on clothes probably isn't necessary. I started my grown up work experience as a ladies apparel manager. I know what I like and I have spent 40 some years dressing wives and many of their girl friends. i do need the secret of walking in heels. I got my first pair yesterday, I spent most of today trying to walk normal. It isn't as easy as I thought. I haven't fallen yet. jewelry is another mystery don't have a feel for accessories. If you have suggestions on how I can be more fem please speak up. I would like to develop some new friendships a long this journey. If you see something I say is completely wrong please set me straight. I am open minded and will try to except criticism that might be hard. Thanks if you got this far I hoping to blog each day. It might not include any milestones but I do want to also write about how I think I got here in my journey. Personnel observations over the many years that lead me to be a cd and maybe transitioning to a full woman with my own VJ. I do have a few stories some might be against the norm and even taboo but I think bringing up warts and all is important for me to understand why I am who I am. Please bare with me as this is the first time I have ever written anything in the public. May my journey be exciting and fruitful. Peace and love friends. Kisses from jennifer. |
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ty Gina i will look up these tutorials. i know it takes practice so i will keep it up. Peace and love friends. Kisses from jennifer.
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11/14/2017 6:30 am |
Interesting story Jennifer. Makeup practice is one of the fun parts of dressing. There are lots of videos online and most makeup brands have their own hints and tutorial videos. Good luck and I look forward to keeping up with your journey. Take care and be safe. Ciao. Gina {=}
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