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An Honest Reflection on my Kink - (First time public)
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An Honest Reflection on my Kink - (First time public) My first experience with jealousy and how fucked up it can make you sexually had to have been in high school when my girlfriend Lani, who I worked with at the the movie theater, insisted nothing was happening between her and Brian, who also worked at the movie theater, when they were at his house on Friday nights. He was tutoring her in math. See, he had taken the class two years before and he knew all the questions so she was guaranteed an A. Airtight alibi. I'd already had some unconventional sex-type stuff happen with my first girlfriend (the one I lost my virginity to) but this was the first time I could markedly point to a time where I was truly tripping balls on the idea of my girlfriend<b> cheating </font></b>on me. What time did she get there? Where in the house did they study? What did she get on the test? Images and scenarios and dialogues racing through my head and, of course, I had to work with them! Watching their body language while i stood there in my "Assistant Manager" tie and my "Assistant Manager" Van Heusen button up from Target for $11.99 from behind a stack of 30oz cups with "Century Theaters" printed on the side. Mentally marking and filing anytime one of them laughed at the others joke. Let's be real, at this point I was not yet ready for a complicated love triangle in my sexual development. It was fucking torture and I had NO idea how to handle it. I guess this would be the point in most people's story where they would walk up to Brian and tell him, "Guess what? I'LL tutor Lani in math. I'm in Trigonometry Pre-Cal and you can stay the hell away from my girl!" but I didn't do that. I bitched to my girlfriend and I played nice. I was a fucking coward. Because I AM a fucking coward - but I want to prove that I'm not. I think somewhere in there I want to make up for the sick burn the two of them got over on me way back in high school. I want to get Lani back, fuck her brains out, and hear her pant after, "Fuck! Whew... That was way better than Brian." but I also want to have that extreme mental torture phase to make it this huge payoff when I do "reclaim" my woman. Or someone else's. It's some sort of dominance through submission first. A sexual competition. "You go first." And here's the crazy thing, I don't even think she fucked him those Friday nights. Years later I was catching up with her, after she had become a math teacher, and she told me with total sincerity that they really didn't do anything. She has always been passionate about math and always wanted to be a math teacher and tutoring with him was seriously the best route to take to get an A. He had the notes from the class. His returned tests. Math was always her passion, she said. She waited till after we broke up to fuck him |
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