Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > corklady > My Blog |
Why Women have fantasies of being overpowered, and why men want to oblige
|
Why Women have fantasies of being overpowered, and why men want to oblige In chat with some of my close girlfriends, and in extensive reading of blogs, posts, profiles, and bodice ripper romance novels, I have come to the conclusion that most women have fantasies of being grabbed and overpowered and forced by a man. I have also come to the conclusion that most men ALSO have fantasies, with themselves being the overpowering perpetrator. And that the vast majority of men and women don;t want anyone to know about them. Because the fact of the matter is, it could be called something else, that something else is a four letter word beginning with R. It is bad, and no one actually wants it to happen to them, or to think that they DID it. So, why do we fantasize about it? When it comes to women, women are expected to clean the house, take care of the , go to work, come home, make dinner, then climb into bed and attend the needs of her man. Lots of work, lots of decisions, lots of caretaking, and then often routine sex. Or, she's single, and not interested in a relationship for whatever reason, but would love some sex. But may have reservations about one night stands and quickies. Or, there are plenty of other reasons. But the fact of the matter is, most women, at some time in their life, fantasize about a man or men grabbing them, dragging them off, and having their way with them. For men, well, they know actually doing this to a non-consenting person is bad. Not only does it make you a bad person, but it's likely to get you locked up. But how many men don't fantasize about seeing a desirable woman, grabbing her, dragging her behind a building, and fucking the shit out of her whether she likes it or not, and then walking away? She may not even be desirable, it's just a fantasy to be able to get their rocks off inside of the real thing, and then walk away without any consequence. What women are looking for is not<b> violence. </font></b>And in their fantasy, they don't want to be overpowered by just ANY man. They want to be fucked by a good looking man (or men) who are going to make the decisions for the woman. Someone who is going to dominate them, take away the need to decide what to do, and do things to them that they like, things that feel good. And since it's being done TO them, they wouldn't feel guilty about it, as they wouldn't have a choice in the matter. They like the idea of the adrenaline rush of feeling danger, of knowing they could be hurt. But, they don't actually WANT to be hurt (well, not a lot anyway). They just want the out of control feeling you get in any extreme sport. Without any damage. And women like the idea of having a man, or men, who think that they are SO desirable that they just HAVE to have them. Now. Think of all those bodice ripper books out there. There are thousands of them. Most women read them. Many in secret. there's a reason they sell so well! And they like the idea of being with different men, with no strings, and no guilt. But even in this day and age, women who are sexually active the way men have been since the beginning of time are still called sluts. Even those who call themselves sluts in a joking manner still have that little feeling in the back of their mind that it's not okay for women to be that way. Even when they have decided they are equal to men and if men can why not them? So, some women are looking to be overpowered and forced by someone they find physically attractive, or at least sexually exciting. Power can be sexually exciting for both the one with the power, and the one being subjected to that power. Someone who will dominate them, not let them make decisions, but will make decisions for them, and make them feel good at the same time. And leave them guilt free, because they didn't agree to it, and had no choice in the matter. That someone will also listen to them say NO NO NO, but be so good at what they are doing, that they will eventually be saying don't stop!. Now, on to men. Why do men fantasize about overpowering women? Well, men tend to need less stimulation than the average women. They see an attractive woman, and little Willie stands to attention and points the way. It's exciting to think they can see something they want, and just go and get it. And know that they can just go and grab it, and have it, and there will likely be no consequences if they don't get caught. They could catch an std, but they won't get pregnant, and if the woman doesn't know who they are, the man can have his fun, walk away, and not worry about supporting anyone for the next 20 years just because they wanted a couple minutes of fun. For some men, it's a power thing. It has little to do with sex. In general, in life you can't just go take what you want. Not these days. But men are instinctively hunters. And hunters DO just go out and take what they want, when they want. And half the fun is the chase, the excitement, the adrenaline rush, the power of having complete control and instant gratification. For a lot of men, it makes them feel, well, manly. Sometimes life gets a person down. The boss is after them, the wife is nagging them, the bills need paying and the creditors are calling. Or maybe life is good, but they are sick of negotiating and following rules. It's exciting to think about being able to have sex on demand, and have complete power over someone else. No negotiating, no consequences, lots of excitement, and that insanely good feeling of cumming. So. Women have fantasies of being overpowered. Men have fantasies of dominating and overpowering. Why is it that the vast majority of the time women aren't actually going to want to enact that fantasy? Why don't those fantasies work in real life? How is it that a woman can like a man, find him attractive, maybe even consider him a candidate for sex, might even have a fantasy of being dragged off by him, may even have SHARED the fantasy with him, but then suddenly get cold feet? What women DON'T want is to actually be r a p e d. Ever. It is painful, degrading, emotionally draining. And in violent ones, perhaps deadly. There can be lifelong consequences of injury, or pregnancy, along with the guilt of wondering if they somehow encouraged the person. And dealing with family and friends who might think they were somehow asking for it by the way they dressed or spoke. Or who feel they are damaged goods. Or who don't want people to pity them. Having that happen to you is often is a long term sentence, that can have awful effects on a person. The chances of a woman enjoying actually being taken against her will are at least 1 in a million. Being forced is a horrible thing. Any person, male or female who has had it done to them can attest to that. The fantasy can be fun. But. No woman wants a man to shove his fingers or dick or anything else into a dry hole. There will have usually have to be some sort of foreplay to get the woman into the state of excitement needed to keep the fantasy from becoming a horribly painful experience. The man is going to have to be very knowledgeable in how to physically turn a woman on without the verbal banter that is usually used, without the time and physical touching that is normally part of good sex. Some men have those skills. Most don't. And when they dont, things can get ugly fast. There needs to be a safe word. The woman needs to feel safe. she needs to know that if she discovers there is some line she won't cross, that it's going to STOP RIGHT THEN. No matter what! The man needs to know she isn't going to have him thrown in jail, or at the very least drag him through the mud by accusing him of force if he passes a line, which she may or may not express to him when it's being crossed. Which she may not even know has been crossed until after it's too late to uncross it and it turns into the real thing instead of a fantasy setting. Which means, the whole thing needs to be discussed beforehand. Everyone has their own version of what a dominance fantasy is. For some, it could be just being grabbed, pulled into a dark alley, fucked, and that's it. Others it could mean kidnapping, bondage, even physical punishment. Discussing it beforehand is extremely important. Establishing boundaries, and figuring out exactly how to tell someone to stop, even if they are bound and gagged, MUST be done. But sadly, also takes away all the excitement and danger and adrenaline rush that all parties are looking for. Can role playing fantasies of dominance and overpowering work? Sometimes. If discussed, planned in advance, with safe words, and preferably a trusted person who can intervene if someone becomes too involved to actually stop if the line that wasn't known about is crossed, and action doesn't stop when the person wants it to. Having a trusted person there to stop things is ESPECIALLY important if bondage, gagging, choking, or any other physically dangerous components are going to be used. If things aren't discussed, and the man just assumes that when the woman says no she doesn't actually mean no, or changes her mind in the middle of something that sounded good but turned out to be not so great when it was happening but she couldn't express her wishes to stop, then it turns into real force. And that seems to be how it often happens. If YOU have fulfilled fantasies of dominance and overpowering, what did you do to make it safe? Did you enjoy it? Did the partner enjoy it? Was it a disaster? It seems to be such a common fantasy, and one that is acted upon regularly as well, sometimes with exciting results for both, sometimes horrible results. What story do you have to tell?  |
||||
|
Well said. The loss of control is the illusion. From my perspective, the key is trust . The dominated has to trust the dominator to stay within the bounds of the fantasy and to respect the decision of the dominated as to when a line was crossed. Trust makes the fantasy work. “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde
| |||
|
I can tell you have given this lots of thought and worded it so well that it made total sense as I read 
| |||
|
Even when they have decided they are equal to men and if men can why not them?.... Women are not equal to men. Socially, yes, we are suppose to be equal, but men and women are not the same. The man needs to know she isn't going to have him thrown in jail, or at the very least drag him through the mud by accusing him of force ... That's funny because no matter how much they talk with each other on this topic, there is absolutely NO assurance a man can trust that a woman won't do that. Women falsify this stuff all the time. Consequently making life for the actual victims, this happens to, a living nightmare. When you take the chance of having a relationship with these people who have these neuroses , you take a very dangerous chance, engaging them and staying with them. Someone who wants to dominate , or be dominated , by force or bondage has a neurosis. They are not healthy people , something happened to them along the way. But having the fantasy, is not the same as wanting someone to act it out on you, or you act it out on someone else. That's why they call it "Fantasy".
| |||
4/2/2020 6:40 pm |
Amazing insights not to mention news to me. Very well written and thought through. Unsure of the generalisations contained in it. Personal experience and own feelings being the only yardsticks available to me in that regard. But then I see the number of men’s profiles on this site that lead with a cock picture and all my convictions seem to stand on shaky ground. Perhaps it’s back to whatever floats your boat?
|
Become a member to create a blog
