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The bisexual side of straightness
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The bisexual side of straightness A wise man once said that there is no such thing as hetero- and homosexuality, only human sexuality. I can take my own experience as an example. I consider myself as straight because my sexual preferences have always been for women. At the same time, I have been fascinated by the alternatives and felt a tickling interest in exploring sex with a man or a transsexual, and this has been part of my fantasy life for a long time. About ten years ago, during what can be described as a transitional phase in my life, I decided to turn these fantasies into reality. Through an adult dating site I tried to get in touch with bisexual men and transsexuals in my local area. If the initial communication turned out positive, I also wanted to meet some of them in real life to find out "what it was like". Adult dating is an inherently difficult and time-consuming activity if you are a man, mainly because of the uneven ratio of men and women active on the net. There are simply too many horny guys chasing too few horny women in these discrete rooms in cyberspace. It takes a lot of creativity and endurance to succeed, and even then you need a portion of luck to hook up with somebody you like and have a good chemistry with. In addtion, there is the question of personal schedules and logistics. Most people lead busy lives, and adult dating is an activity that (in most cases) requires a great deal of discretion. Planning and flexibility are therefore essential if virtual meetings shall be turned into real-life meetings. Even meeting with somebody in your local area is not so easy as you would expect. As I found out, the same difficulties apply to the "men-seeking-men category". Guys are generally more responsive than women on the net, but not necessarily easier to hook up with. I had many fruitless exchanges of messages with various guys who claimed to be either bi-sexual or bi-curious (I was probably in the latter category myself at the time), but few of them were willing to consider, or set up an actual meeting. We ended up telling each other what we desired to, do rahter than deciding where and when to do it. Exciting as a sex-chats might be in everyday life, I have always preferred the real thing and this hot messaging back and forth quickly became tiring. There were exceptions, however. Tom was a thirty-something single and quite good-looking guy who had long reconciled himself with his bi-sexualtiy. He was in a relationship with a woman who had from a previous marriage, but so far he had kept his own apartment and had no immediate plans to make a further commitment. "I really have the best of both worlds", he confessed to me with a boyish grin as we sat in his living room on a<b> sunny </font></b>Saturday afternoon sipping red wine. "Here I am master of my own house, and can live my life as a please. When I'm with my girlfriend, on the other hand, I'm the family man who makes Friday pizza and gets up early next morning with the ". Tom was my first experience with a man, and his sexual self-confidence (in combination with the wine) made me relax and feel very comfortable in his company. I had told him about my preferences and fantasies, and that I actually did not know how I would react in a real life situation. Would I enjoy it, or would I just want to run away? Or – perhaps worse – would I find out that in reality I was gay and never wanted to return to sex with women? Tom had just laughed at my reservations, and promised not to be disappointed if I decided to take flight. After the second glass of wine, he put a warm hand on my thigh and asked simply: "Shall we go to bed and try a little?" We most certainly should! I was happy to be offered a towel and be directed to the bathroom for a quick shower. It was a warm summer day, and despite the feeling of comfort I was also quite nervous and sweating under my short-sleeved shirt and light trousers. It was a true delight to get them off, and to feel the rush of water over my naked and now quite expectant body. I decidedly wanted to stay and join Tom in the bedroom. What I remember best from this first meeting with Tom were some quite contradictory feelings. On the one hand, I truly enjoyed what we did together – the intimacy and the excitement. On the other hand, it could not in any way be compared with having sex with a woman. I did not "loose myself" in the same way as I would have with a female companion, and there was this clear realisation in my mind throughout that I was basically straight, and would not start playing for the other team as a result of this visit. For some reason, I never saw Tom again. I met a woman shortly after and a relationship developed between us. It was definitely not the time for somebody else on the side, and we lost touch. It was sad in a way. I think a second and a third meeting with Tom could have made me cross some additional boundaries. However, I had defintitely crossed some lines that Saturday afternoon, and the thought of another experience never left me. |
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